When my boyfriend drinks he's a different man

I dont drink, and this is alot to do with the fact that a) I have really bad health and the medication im on mixed with alchool always results in me ending up with hospital
b) my boyfriend asked me not to drink after getting so ill i had to be in hospital for a few days which i respect. I know he gets angry if i drink after 1 glass of wine he flipped out, and its not controlling but its more concern. It always results in arguements even if i want one drink so cant be bothered as hes right its not worth risking my health for a glalss of wine

However my boyfriend drinks ALOT and im slightly uncomfortble with how much he changes. I get everybody is a bit different but hes a toally different man. Usually he is a bit jokey but hes caring and funny he thinks about me he talks to me when he is drunk he is non of these things. He turns into a total dickhead doing stupid things, he goes and chats up woman and flirts with them (in front of me) he spends hours talking to them and dancing with them while im just left sitting there. He seems to forget i exist he left me at the wedding we went to on my own for 3 hours in the middle of some hotel on the other side of the country while he went off with his friends and did god knows what. He smokes (im not anti smoking but considering i have a very bad heart and lungs doing it virtually in my face when he knows im ill is pretty selfish ) , when he does bother to talk to me he turns all sexual and slimy, he tries to make me touch him in front of people or he tries to stick his hand up my dress which is clearly not on in public. He also just wants sex when we get back and to be quite honest sex is a massive thing for me i dont want to go and have sex with somebody whose so smashed he wont remeber it the next day.

He goes out and drinks probablyy 3 times a week and its excessive last night alone he drank 3 big bottles of ammerato and a whole crate of bear and that was just the 'pre drinking' i saw

I know hes jusst haviing fun and cant judge but if im honest when hes drunk no i dont trust him becuase hes somebody different not my boyfriend hes going to ibiza in summer for 2 weeks with the boys and im dreading it because im 80% sure while drunk he will cheat yet when i bring it up he says his dirnking is normal help?

Reply 1

anonymouspie227

Well,I'd suggest telling him how you feel see if he listens and takes note. If he doesn't listen and change his ways, then perhaps leave him. If you can't stand being with someone who is horrible when drunk, and won't give up drinking in excess then you don't have to put up with it.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 2

British199

You should speak to him and tell him your not happy again (Make sure he knows its "serious" talk.). Yes student culture involves a lot of drinking, but he shouldn't be behaving the way he is with you. I doubt he would be happy if you went off dancing with random guys.

And yes he will cheat of Ibiza, for all you know his cheated on you here (unless you go out with him every night out)

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 3

The Wild Youth

That sounds horrible...

Talk to him about it, if he doesn't listen then gahh... well, I wouldn't take it and I don't see why you should either.

Reply 4

canadamoose

Seriously dude, fix your sentence structure. That took way more effort to read than it should have.

You cannot do anything about his smoking, even if you are ill. He was a smoker before you came into the picture. If that is an issue, then you need to get out of the relationship for your own reasons, but at this point it is not his responsibility.

He sounds like a crappy drunk. It happens, some people are like that. No, he shouldn't be inappropriate with you in public, but that's what drunk people do. If you were drunk as well, you would see him differently. Since you cannot drink however, I see where you are coming from. It sucks being on that end of a drunk-sober scale in a relationship. All you can do is ask him to drink less and hope for the best, as it is his final call!

As for Ibiza, if you cannot trust him, do you really think this relationship is working? Drunk or not, you need to trust him. If he ****s it up, it means the relationship is in trouble, but you seem to be condemning it right from the start.

Reply 5

username47781

Original post by Anonymous

To be honest your relationship looks a mess, he clearly can't care that much if he goes off and flirts with other women like that, I know some flirting is harmless but this looks a bit too much to me. I personally think you should get rid of him.

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

I understand this completely, my boyfriend changes in bad ways when he's drunk. He just gets more confrontational, less caring and more... well... selfish. Oh and loud! I can tell when he's drunk even just talking by text/Facebook or whatever without him saying anything about it. I spoke to him and I don't think it really did anything to change it, he recognised that he was different when drunk, said that he regrets when we argue when he's drunk because it's always over stupid things and he says things he doesn't really mean and wouldn't normally say but it hasn't really stopped it. It doesn't really happen often at all though, not nearly as often as your boyfriend so I can cope with it. He doesn't get flirty, doesn't chat up other women and wouldn't dream of doing anything like that.

To be honest, your boyfriend just sounds like he's a bit of a dick full stop and don't think you've got a good relationship that will work out long term. I think he needs to grow the hell up first.

Reply 7

rosee92

leave him before it gets worse. Seriously. I speak from experience.

My ex was like that in first year, so we all wrote off his habits as just indulging in student lifestyle. (Even tho he did take it further than others) however, by third year he still did this every other night when the rest of us decided it was more important to focus on studies. Also by then he'd become a really nasty person after drinking, and during. He'd shout at me, scream at me in the street... swear bloody murder... and worse. Like your bf he'd then want sex, but somehow I didn't want to have sex with someone who'd just gone mental at me like that, and when he was drunk it wasn't exactly enjoyable...

I'm not saying he'll definitely turn out like that but it doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship to me.

Reply 8

Dragonfly07

What bothered me is not just how he acts when he drinks, but also you said he "flips out" when YOU drink. I know you said it's associated with health problems, but "flipping out" seems a bit more aggressive than just "concern" as you put it. I know my own boyfriend would advice me against drinking at all in this situation, but he would respect my right to put my health at risk if I wanted to do it.

As for his own drinking problem, tell him he has it and to try to change it because it makes you uncomfortable. If he doesn't, then I would personally stop seeing him.

To be honest I already know what the outcome will be - I saw it in a lot of my friends. He won't change and you won't dump him because he's always "nice" when he doesn't drink, so you'll try to change him.