Join TSR now for chat about life, relationships, fashion and more…Sign up now

Help. My fiancé has expensive tastes and I don't. Watch

    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Live how you want to.
    I would insist on the seperate accounts!

    If he is only earning 2k more than you anyway then let him spend his money on himself and you can spend yours how you like it. Then when he uses all his up you can show a good example. It might kick in that he needs to save slightly more than that.

    Joint accounts are definately not a good idea. I would never agree to that.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by manga)
    My fiancé and I always argue about money. It's the one thing that we get really heated over and it's ruining our relationship.

    Basically, he has become accustomed to a good standard of living. He refuses to shop anywhere but Waitrose as his mum has always done and spends any spare money he has on expensive toiletries (£80 on Molton Brown shower gel!?) to 'treat' himself.

    I've tried to set a groceries budget for us - £75 a week for food and drink after bills and savings but we always end up going over as he'll argue
    me down as to why we need to purchase this particular item at that point in time.

    I've grown up with inexpensive tastes - I'm quite a low maintenance girl and am happy to shop at Tesco and will often try to get value for money on all my purchases. if i had it my way, i would be spending £40 a week on us MAX rather than the £90-100 we seem to be doing now. However I feel like I need to 'slip in' as many 'cheap' or 'cut the corner' purchases as possible to balance out our overspends in the month and its driving me crazy as I'd like to be able to spend a bit of money on luxuries myself (clothes etc) but I can't as he sucks the surplus budget out.

    I feel like I'm the only one keeping an eye on our finances. From his pov, he works very very hard at his job and wants to come home to nice things.
    From my pov... I like saving. And I like getting value for money.

    We're also spending £90 on sky a month and £90 on a cleaner..

    Btw to provide some context, we have just bought a house together and we have a joint account for all our money. He REFUSES to have separate accounts for our own surplus spending as 'it doesn't feel couply'
    We're also both earning 'decent' wages. He's on £30k per year and I'm on £28k.
    I feel that with the money we're making, we should be saving a lot more (we have £1k in savings and £2k in credit card debt.. Interest free though)

    TSR, I need your advice. Am I being to harsh, or are my annoyances reasonable? Are his wants unreasonable or am I worrying about this too much(seeing as we don't have to save for a house anymore)?




    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

    I really don't understand how you only have £1k in savings?
    I've saved a lot more than that just from my student loan and part time jobs.
    Unless you just spent all your savings on a deposit I guess.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by manga)
    My fiancé and I always argue about money. It's the one thing that we get really heated over and it's ruining our relationship.

    Basically, he has become accustomed to a good standard of living. He refuses to shop anywhere but Waitrose as his mum has always done and spends any spare money he has on expensive toiletries (£80 on Molton Brown shower gel!?) to 'treat' himself.

    I've tried to set a groceries budget for us - £75 a week for food and drink after bills and savings but we always end up going over as he'll argue
    me down as to why we need to purchase this particular item at that point in time.

    I've grown up with inexpensive tastes - I'm quite a low maintenance girl and am happy to shop at Tesco and will often try to get value for money on all my purchases. if i had it my way, i would be spending £40 a week on us MAX rather than the £90-100 we seem to be doing now. However I feel like I need to 'slip in' as many 'cheap' or 'cut the corner' purchases as possible to balance out our overspends in the month and its driving me crazy as I'd like to be able to spend a bit of money on luxuries myself (clothes etc) but I can't as he sucks the surplus budget out.

    I feel like I'm the only one keeping an eye on our finances. From his pov, he works very very hard at his job and wants to come home to nice things.
    From my pov... I like saving. And I like getting value for money.

    We're also spending £90 on sky a month and £90 on a cleaner..

    Btw to provide some context, we have just bought a house together and we have a joint account for all our money. He REFUSES to have separate accounts for our own surplus spending as 'it doesn't feel couply'
    We're also both earning 'decent' wages. He's on £30k per year and I'm on £28k.
    I feel that with the money we're making, we should be saving a lot more (we have £1k in savings and £2k in credit card debt.. Interest free though)

    TSR, I need your advice. Am I being to harsh, or are my annoyances reasonable? Are his wants unreasonable or am I worrying about this too much(seeing as we don't have to save for a house anymore)?




    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    lol, £1,000 is not savings....£1,000 is lunch money. You should have more in savings, especially since you have bought house together. If you're fiance is the reason you dont have more in savings, then you need to put your foot down. At the very least he should understand that you need to save money to provide for your future, and you cant do that if you're spending all of it.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    You need to separate you bank accounts into three. One joint where both your wages are payed in and bills and food and cars are taken out. Then a second and third account which is your own private account split equally whatever money is left over. You get your money to save or keep and then he spent £80 on body wash. Having joint account only will just cause more and more arguments.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    This is really stressing You out, and it doesn't look like he wants to listen, if you have kids then what's going to happen? Just because u have a house together doesn't mean Yiu can't leave him, get your own flat and treat yourself too and save
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by manga)
    My fiancé and I always argue about money. It's the one thing that we get really heated over and it's ruining our relationship.

    Basically, he has become accustomed to a good standard of living. He refuses to shop anywhere but Waitrose as his mum has always done and spends any spare money he has on expensive toiletries (£80 on Molton Brown shower gel!?) to 'treat' himself.

    I've tried to set a groceries budget for us - £75 a week for food and drink after bills and savings but we always end up going over as he'll argue
    me down as to why we need to purchase this particular item at that point in time.

    I've grown up with inexpensive tastes - I'm quite a low maintenance girl and am happy to shop at Tesco and will often try to get value for money on all my purchases. if i had it my way, i would be spending £40 a week on us MAX rather than the £90-100 we seem to be doing now. However I feel like I need to 'slip in' as many 'cheap' or 'cut the corner' purchases as possible to balance out our overspends in the month and its driving me crazy as I'd like to be able to spend a bit of money on luxuries myself (clothes etc) but I can't as he sucks the surplus budget out.

    I feel like I'm the only one keeping an eye on our finances. From his pov, he works very very hard at his job and wants to come home to nice things.
    From my pov... I like saving. And I like getting value for money.

    We're also spending £90 on sky a month and £90 on a cleaner..

    Btw to provide some context, we have just bought a house together and we have a joint account for all our money. He REFUSES to have separate accounts for our own surplus spending as 'it doesn't feel couply'
    We're also both earning 'decent' wages. He's on £30k per year and I'm on £28k.
    I feel that with the money we're making, we should be saving a lot more (we have £1k in savings and £2k in credit card debt.. Interest free though)

    TSR, I need your advice. Am I being to harsh, or are my annoyances reasonable? Are his wants unreasonable or am I worrying about this too much(seeing as we don't have to save for a house anymore)?
    I thought Waitrose have been matching Tesco's prices on external goods (i.e. stuff they buy from other companies) for a while now?

    Tbh, I think you need to have separate accounts to avoid arguments. He can't refuse to have one, he can only refuse to have a joint one. Perhaps have a joint account for paying bills and stuff, take in turns buying food for the two of you or something, but clearly he's taking the piss by spending freely from your joint account when he's not really paying significantly more in. There are married couples who have separate bank accounts, so don't feel it's 'uncouply'. I do think he has a point about not needing to budget as severely as you seem to want to given you've got a house and are earning £58k between you, but then I also agree with you about buying stupid treats when you have a joint responsibility for the money.

    In short, have separate accounts until you can both agree on how much to spend and save (and what to save for).
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    You must have paid a large deposit on the house surely?
    My partner had 5k in savings, but when we moved in it went down to 1k and soon after that, that was spent. He's only on about 12k a year but managed to save 5k in a few years... I have no idea how you have so little savings.

    I say as many others have that you should open up a separate account and put your £150 spending money into that and save it. Let him spend his and whatever else he wants of the joint account. You agreed to it and you're not putting your foot down so that's that. At least after a year you'd have another £1000+ of your own saving should anything go wrong with the house.

    My partner wants us to have shared accounts once we both have careers. I'm uncertain and prefer our way of dealing with money now. the person with the most amount of money at the time pays for the food shop as that's our biggest expenditure outside of rent. In fairness as he pays rent and bills I tend to pay for food and odd little bits that go awry with the house. When I next get my loan I'll be replacing the broken microwave, I replaced his car battery and our hoover that blew up last year.

    Another reason I wouldn't get a joint account is because I like to treat myself. I'd feel guilty if that came from his money too. I can keep on top of my spending, and he on his from individual accounts. Seems like your BH would benefit from that, just so he can see where the money's going.

    I mean, what if you guys wanted to go on holiday?
    • TSR Support Team
    • PS Reviewer
    • Clearing and Applications Advisor
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    My parents have a joint account with money for the mortgage, food, bills, etc. along with a set contingency in case of emergency (such as the washing machine breaking or whatever). They then keep the rest of their money in separate accounts so they can spend it on whatever they want or save it.

    My parents have never had enough money to make proper savings, and don't have any need to, but if there is something specific they want to save for, such as money for me to go to uni, they open another account and both contribute to it.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Leighcakes)
    you think spending £80 on bodywash is ridiculous. Which, quite honestly, it is.
    Not ridiculous if you want to look and feel and smell a million dollars.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    If I were you I'd be wanting to do exactly the same. To me, whether or not I buy Hovis extra ****ing fancy bread or tesco value bread makes no impact on my happiness or comfort of living. I am just as happy with the cheaper products and their quality. Also your fiancé thinks £80 for shower gel is okay? What the ****? No matter how rich I was I wouldn't be comfortable paying that much for something so generic. I think if I was rich I would be forking out the money for things more experience-based rather than material. In fact right now most of money I don't use on food/utilities I spend on experiences like concerts, weekends away, holidays to interesting places, activities etc...
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by manga)
    At the moment we have:

    Joint account for bills
    I hold the account for groceries
    I hold the savings account & credit cards
    We have a joint account for personal spending - he refuses to have separate accounts for this. His argument is that if he has his own account, there is the risk that he overspends into his overdraft and hide it from me as he doesn't trust himself with the money.


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    So basically instead of getting into debt he spends your money :hmmmm:

    To be honest, I wouldn't be okay with this. I do however agree that with groceries you can probably afford to spend what you're spending at the moment. I'd advocate having separate accounts for personal spending after all the shared costs are sorted. There's no way I'd be happy giving up enjoying my luxuries because my partner refuses to curb his.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    90 a month on sky :lolwut:
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Clearly the very obvious and easy solution is separate bank accounts. I wouldn't want £80 shower gel coming out of my salary either.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by manga)
    At the moment we have:

    Joint account for bills
    I hold the account for groceries
    I hold the savings account & credit cards
    We have a joint account for personal spending - he refuses to have separate accounts for this. His argument is that if he has his own account, there is the risk that he overspends into his overdraft and hide it from me as he doesn't trust himself with the money.
    If that's his argument, then he can just get an account with no overdraft. If he doesn't trust himself with his money, then he shouldn't trust himself with yours, and you shouldn't either.

    Have separate accounts, and I suggest you don't actually marry him unless you can agree on finances - this is a huge factor in how long your relationship can last.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Waitrose is hardly expensive compared to Tesco, people seem to think it is way more expensive when it is pretty much the same.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by politixx)
    Waitrose is hardly expensive compared to Tesco, people seem to think it is way more expensive when it is pretty much the same.
    I think the thing with Tesco's, Sainsburys etc. is that they do many more offers than Waitrose. I've definitely found that when shopping at home with my parents at Waitrose, than I do back at uni at Morrison's. Whilst morrisons will always have some sort of offer on the cheese (half price, or 2 for 1 etc.), Waitrose won't.

    However, Waitrose do amazing end of day discounts, much better than any other supermarket.

    But I think you're right overall. Their essentials range isn't more than 10p more than Tesco's. But then you can argue that those 10ps do add up.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Blutooth)
    Not ridiculous if you want to look and feel and smell a million dollars.
    ... Nope, I still think spending £80 on bodywash is ridiculous. And I felt really naughty for spending £12 on a Hollister body spray last year! (It smells ridiculously good though. Has lasted ages, too.)
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    As has been said separate accounts. The food thing needs to be sorted, tbh if you saved money on food you could eat out more often then perhaps it wouldn't feel like such a waste. Other than that, get a home management account. Work out your outgoings for broadband, utilities, rent etc, split it halfway and anything left over you can do as you please with.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MAINE.)
    lol, £1,000 is not savings....£1,000 is lunch money. You should have more in savings, especially since you have bought house together. If you're fiance is the reason you dont have more in savings, then you need to put your foot down. At the very least he should understand that you need to save money to provide for your future, and you cant do that if you're spending all of it.
    Which is exactly why we argue. I am not comfortable with the amount we have in savings at the moment.

    We've spent more on things for the house - he will only agree to have the 'best' of items. This is where most of the money goes. If we want to buy a pot/pan he refuses to have anything less than Le Cruset or a good brand like that. Our house is decked in Laura Ashley. To be fair a lot of our wardrobe is IKEA.

    Our mortgage is £983 a month. We had help with the deposit - we both only left uni about 2 years ago (though I'm 24 and he's 25)

    We also have a lodger who pays £350 per month.
    Though my fiance does however have to spend £400 on his commute to London which balances it out.

    Fuel is a lot - £150 a month

    We've been together nearly 3 years now. Engaged for 1 and a half. Moved in with each other when we both got our first 'real' jobs. It was all very quick..

    Sorry... Just information dumping to answer some of your questions!



    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Leighcakes)
    ... Nope, I still think spending £80 on bodywash is ridiculous. And I felt really naughty for spending £12 on a Hollister body spray last year! (It smells ridiculously good though. Has lasted ages, too.)
    I spend over £60 on cologne. I guess the most frivolous purchases have been on laptops. No one ever needs a macbook pro, or a laptop over £1k yet we still indulge ourselves (especially if we've just come into the money through student loans). If smelling good is so important to this guy it's no big deal.
 
 
 
Poll
Which web browser do you use?
Useful resources
Bizarre things students have spent their loans onThings you should budget for at uni

Sponsored features:

Making money from your own website

Need some cash?

How to make money running your own website.

Bianca Miller, runner-up on The Apprentice

Handle your digital footprint

What would an employer find out about you on Google? Find out how to take control.

Groups associated with this forum:

View associated groups

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Quick reply
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.