Male POV needed desperately!

Imagine you're a 22 year old guy (if you are, you're doing splendidly so far). You're very shy by nature when it comes to women. You've had sex with 3 girls, all of them more or less hook ups from bars. You haven't really had any luck with your crushes, and you've never been in a relationship. There have been girls who liked you, but who you weren't interested in. One of them tried to hit on you constantly when you met in bars by coincident, even when she had a boyfriend (and when he cheated on her, she cried about it to you, but she returned to him), and another one sent you many messages, but you weren't keen on her. However, you didn't tell them straight that you weren't interested in them, they just didn't get your hints.

Six months ago you met a nice girl in a bar, you saw each other for 2 months, and now you've been in a relatonship for 4 months. A week ago you two found out that you might've given her an STD. You had unprotected sex with one of the 3 girls (she said it was her birthday tomorrow, she was in a bar for the 1st time, and she claimed she had no STDs). You and your girlfriend are broken, you talk and cry together, but manage to patch things up almost completely. Now, however, your girlfriend (SPOILER ALERT, the author of this post) is seriously doubting your judgement when it comes to women. She doesn't have sex with anyone she doesn't have deep feelings for (that includes you, you lucky bastard), so she doesn't know if she can trust you, because
1. You had unprotected sex and only had very feeble excuses as to why you did so.
2. You didn't tell any of the girls directly that you weren't interested in them. Would you act the same now that you have a girlfriend?
3. You don't have a lot of (well, good ones anyway) experience with women, so would you get tempted easily?

Now, I know you're not mind readers, I don't expect you to be. But I'd appreciate it if you could analyze this a bit for me. Do I have reasons to doubt him? I'm very poor at trusting people, and now I feel he's broken my trust a bit. I'd really appreciate any thoughts on this! (PS, I'm 20, and no, English is not my 1st language.)

I don't see a problem with #2 - I wouldn't deliberately hurt someone's feelings by telling them directly that I'm not interested. In any case, given his inexperience, he may have been mistaken that they were interested in the first place. Point #3... I don't know him well enough to comment. However, point #1 is more problematic. You said he's "broken my trust a bit". Well, English may not be your first language, but you have mastered the use of understatement! For a lot of people, betrayal of trust is the end of the relationship - I think it would be for me.

Yes, the problem with #2 is not that he spared a maiden's heart, but the fact that he let it continue on and on. The girls never got the point, and thought that they had a chance. Although I understand your point, he seemed fairly adamant that they were into him (but he has shown me that he doesn't always get women, so... Yeah, you might be right).

And as grim as it sounds, I'm quite used to not trusting people completely. I used to trust him 100%, but after these stories came to light, I've started to question him. I understand wholeheartedly why people often end their relationships when their trust is broken. But I'm very suspicious of people by nature (yes, a trait all men love in their girlfriends), and I'm not willing to end a good thing when nothing has happened yet.

Imagine you're a 22 year old guy (if you are, you're doing splendidly so far). You're very shy by nature when it comes to women. You've had sex with 3 girls, all of them more or less hook ups from bars. You haven't really had any luck with your crushes, and you've never been in a relationship. There have been girls who liked you, but who you weren't interested in. One of them tried to hit on you constantly when you met in bars by coincident, even when she had a boyfriend (and when he cheated on her, she cried about it to you, but she returned to him), and another one sent you many messages, but you weren't keen on her. However, you didn't tell them straight that you weren't interested in them, they just didn't get your hints.

Six months ago you met a nice girl in a bar, you saw each other for 2 months, and now you've been in a relatonship for 4 months. A week ago you two found out that you might've given her an STD. You had unprotected sex with one of the 3 girls (she said it was her birthday tomorrow, she was in a bar for the 1st time, and she claimed she had no STDs). You and your girlfriend are broken, you talk and cry together, but manage to patch things up almost completely. Now, however, your girlfriend (SPOILER ALERT, the author of this post) is seriously doubting your judgement when it comes to women. She doesn't have sex with anyone she doesn't have deep feelings for (that includes you, you lucky bastard), so she doesn't know if she can trust you, because

1. You had unprotected sex and only had very feeble excuses as to why you did so.

2. You didn't tell any of the girls directly that you weren't interested in them. Would you act the same now that you have a girlfriend?

3. You don't have a lot of (well, good ones anyway) experience with women, so would you get tempted easily?

Now, I know you're not mind readers, I don't expect you to be. But I'd appreciate it if you could analyze this a bit for me. Do I have reasons to doubt him? I'm very poor at trusting people, and now I feel he's broken my trust a bit. I'd really appreciate any thoughts on this! (PS, I'm 20, and no, English is not my 1st language.)

As a 22 year old man with a girlfriend whose had one night stands in the past, I think I'm suited to answering this!

1. Well I've done this too. Before I had any sex I was very much "it's so obvious you should always wear a condom". But it's easier said than done, y'know, heat of the moment.

2. It's pretty awkward to tell a girl you're not interested if you're single, but if you have a girlfriend, you just say that.

3. I think anyone can get tempted, but if you love each other, it should be enough.

Your reply calmed my mind a little, thanks Let's just hope that he thinks the same way.

If it's something easily cured like Chlamydia, she needs to get over it.

I see where you're coming from, as someone who links sex with a deep emotional connection, it seems to you that if he can have sex so casually and recklessly, he is at risk of cheating. What I would say to that is that with the other girls, it was only himself at risk (ie through STD), or the other girls emotionally, but that's their fault really, if they are hooking up with guys in bars and then expecting a definite commitment.

As someone in a fairly similar position to you boyfriend, I wouldn't ever cheat. Even when I had some time apart from my first girlfriend and was planning on breaking up with her, I didn't do anything. Having a casual attitude to sex when single doesn't make you a nasty person, and cheating on a girlfriend really is a nasty thing to do, when you consider how much it will upset them.

A week ago you two found out that you might've given her an STD.

If it's something easily cured like Chlamydia, she needs to get over it.

I'm assuming that you didn't read past the first few sentences.

You need to wait and see if it actually is an STD before getting so upset and playing the blame game.


From the guys perspective, how dare you act all high and mighty with him for something he didn't do on purpose and is clearly devastated about. Whilst you're understandably upset, STDs don't seek out bad people and latch on to them, you have no right to make such judgements about his choice in sexual partners, especially if you've contracted something from him and thus according to your own reasoning just as naive.

It's a very upsetting thing, but don't take it out on eachother. Breaking up over it would just make it so much worse.

Evidently.

Imagine you're a 22 year old guy (if you are, you're doing splendidly so far). You're very shy by nature when it comes to women. You've had sex with 3 girls, all of them more or less hook ups from bars. You haven't really had any luck with your crushes, and you've never been in a relationship. There have been girls who liked you, but who you weren't interested in. One of them tried to hit on you constantly when you met in bars by coincident, even when she had a boyfriend (and when he cheated on her, she cried about it to you, but she returned to him), and another one sent you many messages, but you weren't keen on her. However, you didn't tell them straight that you weren't interested in them, they just didn't get your hints.

Six months ago you met a nice girl in a bar, you saw each other for 2 months, and now you've been in a relatonship for 4 months. A week ago you two found out that you might've given her an STD. You had unprotected sex with one of the 3 girls (she said it was her birthday tomorrow, she was in a bar for the 1st time, and she claimed she had no STDs). You and your girlfriend are broken, you talk and cry together, but manage to patch things up almost completely. Now, however, your girlfriend (SPOILER ALERT, the author of this post) is seriously doubting your judgement when it comes to women. She doesn't have sex with anyone she doesn't have deep feelings for (that includes you, you lucky bastard), so she doesn't know if she can trust you, because

1. You had unprotected sex and only had very feeble excuses as to why you did so.

2. You didn't tell any of the girls directly that you weren't interested in them. Would you act the same now that you have a girlfriend?

3. You don't have a lot of (well, good ones anyway) experience with women, so would you get tempted easily?

Now, I know you're not mind readers, I don't expect you to be. But I'd appreciate it if you could analyze this a bit for me. Do I have reasons to doubt him? I'm very poor at trusting people, and now I feel he's broken my trust a bit. I'd really appreciate any thoughts on this! (PS, I'm 20, and no, English is not my 1st language.)