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Im bitter that my quality of life has been affected Watch

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    I am approaching my late 20s. 27 now. And I have spent a huge chunk of my twenties being operated on.

    I have undergone orthodontic treatment, where they effectively reset my crooked jaw and now will undergo effectively a nose job and a chin operation next month. This is all due to medical reasons and not purely because of aesthetic reasons. I suffer from breathing difficulties and my chin is recessed.

    My quality of life has severely been affected. Firstly, due to effectively being "unattractive" (I find that my dating life is near to nothing, tonnes of rejections) and secondly due to the depression that has stemmed from this. I feel extremely bitter that most 20 somethings are living their life; have successful dating lives, rather then facing the prospect and uncertainly that comes with waiting for the operations to happen, and the changes that may come from it. Through my experiences too, I have also seen how shallow people can be.

    My career is also being affected; I am unable to apply to other jobs because of the recovery time between the ops, in the last 6 months I am now approaching my second op, with the recovery time is 3 months after each op.

    I am trying to be positive, but I feel extremely frustrated. I feel like I am so held back. The worse thing is, people give me a hard time over my looks, career etc that I am now bitter.

    I dont know what to do, 1 month left till my next op. But don't have the motivation to live my life, rather I spend most of my free time in bed, depressed.

    Thanks
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    Hey Anonymous.

    It sounds like you're having a hard time! I can see why it would be easy in your situation to complain about what you don't have, but I think it's time you start looking at the positives!

    Firstly, you are lucky enough to have a job (very difficult in this climate) and I know disabled people who can't get jobs who would love to be working!

    Secondly there's no way that being 'unattractive' is the reason that your dating life has been affected! When you walk down the street you see all sorts of different couples... Steriotypically 'hot' couples, Jeremy Kyle 'crazy' couples, old couples, ugly couples- whatever! I think it might be your self-pitying attitude that stops you getting dates! People fancy confidence not drop dead gorgeous looks.

    I understand that it's difficult with your career, that does sound hard. The only person holding yourself back is you at the end of the day I'm afraid to say though. Everyone wants to help you- the surgeons included. Please please please go to your GP and let them know about how all this is affecting you. I'm sure it will help.

    Whatever you do, try and get your focus back on life and how wonderful it can be xxx
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    It might seem like a dead-end nightmare now, but think about how young you are. There is so much more time after your ops finally come to an end, and you can make the most of your life. You don't have to be a certain age for that. Try to see everything as an opportunity, or a blessing. Being able to have these operations, having a resolution to look forward to. I can only imagine how depressing it can get with these long recovery periods. But if you are alert (not sleepy or in pain) enough most of the time, you can make something enjoyable out of being in bed. For example, this guy wrote a website with loads of articles from his bed (search 2knowmyself).

    The internet truly is a miracle, and it can make you feel connected to others when otherwise you would be alone. It also enables quality interactions without the prejudices of appearance or otherwise.

    I hope you find hope in something soon.
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    (Original post by lucyinthesky21)
    Secondly there's no way that being 'unattractive' is the reason that your dating life has been affected! When you walk down the street you see all sorts of different couples... Steriotypically 'hot' couples, Jeremy Kyle 'crazy' couples, old couples, ugly couples- whatever! I think it might be your self-pitying attitude that stops you getting dates! People fancy confidence not drop dead gorgeous looks.
    Thanks for your reply. Yes it is not impossible.

    After coming out of a relationship a couple of years ago, it was extremely difficult just to get into that one to begin with! For example, when it came to me, my ex would make it difficult to give her number out, but with other guys, she would give her number out without the hassle. I was rejected about 5 times by her. She made me chase her hard, then dumped me just as quick - afterall I am not all that right?

    Can you see why this is really annoying?

    She is not an isolated case, because it happens with loads of girls. For example, some would give me the illusion they are interested, but will string me along i.e. One girl recently sent me a message on facebook after 4 months. I replied, heard nothing back.

    Whilst others have really good control in their dating lives, I feel like the odds are stacked against me, and rather then playing the field for a while, I have to settle with the first girl that comes along because I can't get any better.

    I have been so low about this, really hate my looks to the point that I have avoided going to one of my best friends wedding. I just didn't want to socialise and bring a depressive vibe to the event. Or feel like I will be judged by the women there.
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    OP, I recognise how you are feeling. But you are not alone! My mum didnt have what you have, but something similar, and she was in pain with it for 10 years. Not just pain but she couldn't eat solid food, couldn't drink alcohol, couldn't stand doing much for long because it hurt so bad. She had to eventually have her jaw replaced with a piece of metal made in America, after practically begging for it, and now she is so much better! There is always light at the end of the tunnel, I promise you.

    With regards to girls dating, you are better off without those girls! Who wants to be with someone who is that shallow and self absorbed? I know you might be feeling pressured at 27, but it's worth waiting to find someone who will accept you for who you are, at the end of the day isn't that what we all want? Think of all the people in the world who have problems such as depression, and anxiety having panic attacks all the time (like myself), a disfigurement from an accident, incontinence, a limb missing, a drug addiction, MS, ME, epilepsy, anorexia, being overweight, blind, deaf, a learning disability I could go on... PLENTY of people who have a problem end up having relationships, at the end of the day, many many many people have some form of problem that they worry will put people off but it's not uncommon, everyone worries about something!

    I really suggest you try put things into context for yourself. You are going to have operations which are going to help you, you have a job, you are YOUNG , you have it all going for you! At the end of the day, you can either choose to be sad, negative, upset, self defeatist, or you can choose happiness! I mean no matter what situation you're in you may as well choose to be happy right?
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    (Original post by insignificant)
    OP, I recognise how you are feeling. But you are not alone! My mum didnt have what you have, but something similar, and she was in pain with it for 10 years. Not just pain but she couldn't eat solid food, couldn't drink alcohol, couldn't stand doing much for long because it hurt so bad. She had to eventually have her jaw replaced with a piece of metal made in America, after practically begging for it, and now she is so much better! There is always light at the end of the tunnel, I promise you.

    With regards to girls dating, you are better off without those girls! Who wants to be with someone who is that shallow and self absorbed? I know you might be feeling pressured at 27, but it's worth waiting to find someone who will accept you for who you are, at the end of the day isn't that what we all want? Think of all the people in the world who have problems such as depression, and anxiety having panic attacks all the time (like myself), a disfigurement from an accident, incontinence, a limb missing, a drug addiction, MS, ME, epilepsy, anorexia, being overweight, blind, deaf, a learning disability I could go on... PLENTY of people who have a problem end up having relationships, at the end of the day, many many many people have some form of problem that they worry will put people off but it's not uncommon, everyone worries about something!

    I really suggest you try put things into context for yourself. You are going to have operations which are going to help you, you have a job, you are YOUNG , you have it all going for you! At the end of the day, you can either choose to be sad, negative, upset, self defeatist, or you can choose happiness! I mean no matter what situation you're in you may as well choose to be happy right?

    I guess it's all relative. My problems may sound minor (btw depression is lumped in with this) in comparison to somebody suffering with AIDS - but I know for a fact nobody here would want to swap places with me. If they themselves are fit and healthy, which when looking at many of my friends, is largely the case. Psychologically it also messes you up a bit, because after you basically have operations and you see changes to your face - you need to get used to it. And it is a lonely experience, because, when you talk about, not many can relate. Some may not see it as a big deal, others think you are being vain etc.

    As for the girls - well. I am losing faith in women. I have heard people say what you have said many times. But they all seem to be the same.

    I am quite popular, so, it's disheartening.
    Glad to hear that your mum is better.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I guess it's all relative. My problems may sound minor (btw depression is lumped in with this) in comparison to somebody suffering with AIDS - but I know for a fact nobody here would want to swap places with me. If they themselves are fit and healthy, which when looking at many of my friends, is largely the case. Psychologically it also messes you up a bit, because after you basically have operations and you see changes to your face - you need to get used to it. And it is a lonely experience, because, when you talk about, not many can relate. Some may not see it as a big deal, others think you are being vain etc.

    As for the girls - well. I am losing faith in women. I have heard people say what you have said many times. But they all seem to be the same.

    I am quite popular, so, it's disheartening.
    Glad to hear that your mum is better.
    I know it's so hard being disheartened. You really have to try to stop looking at things so generally though and think that each individual person has their own reasons for their actions. For all you know, each of those girls could be seeing a doctor about their own medical problem, or be dealing with ill relatives, have depression/anxiety themselves etc. Don't think that everyone is perfect and living their own merry lives and you are horrible because they won't be, and you're not! You just haven't met the right person, honestly I promise you

    I'm gonna recommend you the Shaytards, have you heard of them? search youtube.com/shaytards , they are a family who record their lives every single day, and it gives you hope to have something like that in the future! furthermore Shay (the dad ) constantly talks about having faith, never giving up, and choosing happiness, I promise it helps
 
 
 
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