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Boyfriend with a drug problem Watch

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    Hi, I'm 17 years old. A lot of my friends use recreational drugs because, in my area, its relatively normal. I don't, and never have, used any drugs because I simply don't see the incentive, although I am obviously often around people who do.

    I've been with a boy for around five months. We get on really well and I love to spend time with him; I'm pretty crazy about him. I never thought the drugs thing would be an issue, but I think it very much is. He is always out partying and at raves doing hardcore drugs (mostly MDMA, occasionally cocaine) and I go with and stand awkwardly sober in the corner. He tells me its okay and he appreciates my choice of not doing drugs, but he still won't stop. I'm beginning to think he has an addiction, but he laughs when I tell him this - and given that its so common for our social circles, I'm not surprised he thinks he's okay.

    I like him very much and dont want to hurt him, but his lifestyle is bringing me down. I spend long Sundays with him nursing his hangover and listening to his drug related problems and I can't do it anymore. My work is beginning to suffer and I can't spend my life taking care of a problem that I myself dont even have.

    Should i try to help him or leave him?
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    He sounds pretty selfish. Raves are **** sober, as is nursing someone elses hangover. It sounds like things are very skewed in his favour. I'm not against drugs, though it sounds like he's overdoing it, and coke is very dodgy. But being a selfish **** isn't ok.
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    Leave him, he sounds like a prat. Anybody who expects their girlfriend to do that for them is not a nice person.
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    Maybe you're just not compatible?

    You're very sober, he isn't. I understand you'd like him to change for you, but you're young, if he's a partying kind of guy, and you're not that kind of girl then that might put a strain on the relationship.
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    Drugs can mess quite a few people up, if someone is telling you a bunch of drug related problems likelyhood is that he needs to stop. MDMA wouldn't do that to you. At worst MDMA will make you stop taking MDMA as you'll eventually lose the buzz if you're banging it once a week for a couple months.

    Coke is a different story though. Needs to chill with that stuff in fact not take it at all.

    Bar the drug explanations. He's a bit of a **** if you're expected to be his quick fix/make it all alright person when he's on a comedown every sunday.
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    Have you spoken to him seriously about this? He does sound pretty selfish.

    I wouldn't say MDMA is a "hardcore drug" by the way, but he really ought to steer well clear of cocaine.
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    Where abouts are you from where it is common? I would say that you can't help him he has to help himself and want to quit so leave him.
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    If you want him to stop taking drugs: Dump him. And tell him the reason you're dumping him is because of his drug taking. That may be the only thing that will shock him enough to stop. Otherwise he obviously likes drugs more than you. In which case good riddance.

    Yeah, a "bit of cocaine" and a "bit of MDMA" and maybe even a "bit of heroin" probably won't kill him (even if it is cut with rat poisson as is usually the case) but nor will 20 pints of alcohol. What they all do is turn a nice interesting person into a ****er.

    I meet lots of druggies on a daily basis. They usually asking me for spare change. I just ignore them. Wastes of space.
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    (Original post by noobynoo)
    If you want him to stop taking drugs: Dump him. And tell him the reason you're dumping him is because of his drug taking. That may be the only thing that will shock him enough to stop. Otherwise he obviously likes drugs more than you. In which case good riddance.

    Yeah, a "bit of cocaine" and a "bit of MDMA" and maybe even a "bit of heroin" probably won't kill him (even if it is cut with rat poisson as is usually the case) but nor will 20 pints of alcohol. What they all do is turn a nice interesting person into a ****er.

    I meet lots of druggies on a daily basis. They usually asking me for spare change. I just ignore them. Wastes of space.
    Agree with the first case only if it's a serious drug problem. If it's actually every few weeks or something then it's fine but if your weekend is highlighted with destroying your serotonin levels to the point it struggles to regulate itself then it's a problem.

    20 pints of alcohol is so much different to MDMA and way more harmful. Almost every person who drinks 20 pints will be on the floor puking or in the hospital on drip. The problem is his misuse of drugs, not his use of drugs. Cocaine should be avoided by people who have addictive personalities.

    Also there are quite a few successful druggies and most people I know who do the stuff are quite responsible with it but that's another story.
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    (Original post by noobynoo)
    If you want him to stop taking drugs: Dump him. And tell him the reason you're dumping him is because of his drug taking. That may be the only thing that will shock him enough to stop. Otherwise he obviously likes drugs more than you. In which case good riddance.

    Yeah, a "bit of cocaine" and a "bit of MDMA" and maybe even a "bit of heroin" probably won't kill him (even if it is cut with rat poisson as is usually the case) but nor will 20 pints of alcohol. What they all do is turn a nice interesting person into a ****er.

    I meet lots of druggies on a daily basis. They usually asking me for spare change. I just ignore them. Wastes of space.
    Oh dear, who told you the rat poison thing? Please say it wasn't a teacher.
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    Maybe you're just not compatible?

    You're very sober, he isn't. I understand you'd like him to change for you, but you're young, if he's a partying kind of guy, and you're not that kind of girl then that might put a strain on the relationship.

    As it is, I wouldn't see his drug use as a problem so long as it's only at social events now and again. A bit of MDMA or Coke on a night out doesn't constitute an addiction anymore than getting drunk on a night out does.

    Aaaand, I'll probably get some negs for this, but hey, it's my opinion. You're a sober person, but you have no fun at these events when you go with your BF? Then why not, if you're comfortable with it, try what he is doing? There's really no danger and if your objection is simply because you don't feel the need to take them, rather than something moral and such like, why not try, then at least you can better appreciate your BF's point of view. And likewise, try and convince him to go to one of these events sober so he can better understand your prediciment.
    Wow. Telling her it's a possible solution to try drugs that she's already said she doesn't want to do? Just to keep a loser boyfriend who seems like an absolute ****er?

    And there is a danger - it may be small, but it's out there.

    Just wow.
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    (Original post by ChocoCoatedLemons)
    Wow. Telling her it's a possible solution to try drugs that she's already said she doesn't want to do? Just to keep a loser boyfriend who seems like an absolute ****er?

    And there is a danger - it may be small, but it's out there.

    Just wow.
    She's said she doesn't see a reason to take them, which means she's never tried them. I'd encourage everyone to try such things once in their life before they write them off. And a loser boyfriend? Based on what? Because he likes to enjoy himself? What a shallow minded little person you are.

    The danger? With MDMA? Virtually none, with Coke? Assuming she's with her BF? Very little, no more so than alcohol really.
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    Your boyfriend sounds like a bit of a knob.
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    She's said she doesn't see a reason to take them, which means she's never tried them. I'd encourage everyone to try such things once in their life before they write them off. And a loser boyfriend? Based on what? Because he likes to enjoy himself? What a shallow minded little person you are.

    The danger? With MDMA? Virtually none, with Coke? Assuming she's with her BF? Very little, no more so than alcohol really.
    Cocaine can cause you to have heart attacks.
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    I don't think the drugs are the problem, I think that you're just not compatible. You think drugs are bad and would like him to stop, he thinks drugs are ok and he doesn't mind if you don't do them. I'd like to remind you that just because drugs are illegal doesn't mean that anyone who takes them will turn into a cannibalistic monster - most drugs are not much worse than alcohol.

    May I also ask why you feel it's necessary to "nurse his hangovers"? Most people are able to do it themselves.

    My opinion: as long as you leave him to his drugs and not worry about it, you'll be fine unless there are some other underlying problems and as long as he doesn't force you to do anything, which I don't think he will. Trying too hard to get rid of his "drug problem" (and I don't think it's an addiction) will just make you a very controlling person.
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    She's said she doesn't see a reason to take them, which means she's never tried them. I'd encourage everyone to try such things once in their life before they write them off. And a loser boyfriend? Based on what? Because he likes to enjoy himself? What a shallow minded little person you are.

    The danger? With MDMA? Virtually none, with Coke? Assuming she's with her BF? Very little, no more so than alcohol really.
    Oh wake up. If you really believe the wares that are peddled out on the street are really pure cocaine, then you're more ignorant than your comments are portraying you. It's the stuff it's mixed with, to extend it, that you should be concerned about.

    And advocating people should try these things just once is absolutely incredibly, without shadow of a doubt: idiotic.
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    She's said she doesn't see a reason to take them, which means she's never tried them. I'd encourage everyone to try such things once in their life before they write them off. And a loser boyfriend? Based on what? Because he likes to enjoy himself? What a shallow minded little person you are.

    The danger? With MDMA? Virtually none, with Coke? Assuming she's with her BF? Very little, no more so than alcohol really.
    Every big thing starts with something small.

    I don't really know much about drugs, I don't do them, never will, don't see the point and as far as I know the only effects it will have are going to be negative for me. I personally don't feel the need to resort to such things in order to "have fun". And before you bring in the alcohol thing too, I don't drink.

    There are a lot of dangers for drugs (and alcohol) whether the effects are instantaneous or not. Spanning from the danger of addiction to physically harming your body or even mentally.. whether it is from a gradual build up of using these things or whatever, and then there's the things that you could do while in the state of a high (or drunk) that could be harmful to others as well as yourself.

    I mean... things would be different if people could control themselves but they can't. There aren't many people who have a good sense of self restraint, or good will power. At least in my opinion.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, I'm 17 years old. A lot of my friends use recreational drugs because, in my area, its relatively normal. I don't, and never have, used any drugs because I simply don't see the incentive, although I am obviously often around people who do.

    I've been with a boy for around five months. We get on really well and I love to spend time with him; I'm pretty crazy about him. I never thought the drugs thing would be an issue, but I think it very much is. He is always out partying and at raves doing hardcore drugs (mostly MDMA, occasionally cocaine) and I go with and stand awkwardly sober in the corner. He tells me its okay and he appreciates my choice of not doing drugs, but he still won't stop. I'm beginning to think he has an addiction, but he laughs when I tell him this - and given that its so common for our social circles, I'm not surprised he thinks he's okay.

    I like him very much and dont want to hurt him, but his lifestyle is bringing me down. I spend long Sundays with him nursing his hangover and listening to his drug related problems and I can't do it anymore. My work is beginning to suffer and I can't spend my life taking care of a problem that I myself dont even have.

    Should i try to help him or leave him?
    You're 17. Get a life. This is what a wife can do when her husband is having a midlife crisis.

    Your bf has a drug problem, I mean he is even using you.
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    (Original post by Guy Secretan)
    Cocaine can cause you to have heart attacks.
    So can cake.

    (Original post by ExWunderkind)
    Oh wake up. If you really believe the wares that are peddled out on the street are really pure cocaine, then you're more ignorant than your comments are portraying you. It's the stuff it's mixed with, to extend it, that you should be concerned about.

    And advocating people should try these things just once is absolutely incredibly, without shadow of a doubt: idiotic.
    Of course I don't believe that, but I doubt her BF is throwing grams of £30 rubbish up his nose, hence I said if her BF does it then she's probably safe enough.

    And why is it idiotic to advocate people try such things? Because you have been taken in by the 'drugs are bad m'kay' mentality?

    (Original post by SyOnGuitar)
    Every big thing starts with something small.

    I don't really know much about drugs, I don't do them, never will, don't see the point and as far as I know the only effects it will have are going to be negative for me. I personally don't feel the need to resort to such things in order to "have fun". And before you bring in the alcohol thing too, I don't drink.

    There are a lot of dangers for drugs (and alcohol) whether the effects are instantaneous or not. Spanning from the danger of addiction to physically harming your body or even mentally.. whether it is from a gradual build up of using these things or whatever, and then there's the things that you could do while in the state of a high (or drunk) that could be harmful to others as well as yourself.

    I mean... things would be different if people could control themselves but they can't. There aren't many people who have a good sense of self restraint, or good will power. At least in my opinion.
    You don't know much? Bow to people with superior knowledge then. MDMA is virtually harmless, taken in moderation there is no danger inherent from it. The only 2 deaths ever linked to the substance that were not OD's were due to the people having given themselves water poisoning.

    You are in no position to make a sweeping statement 'people can;t control themselves' and then tell them they should not and cannot do things.
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    He sounds like a ****, and it sounds like you're not especially compatible, but it does not sound like he has a 'drug problem'. Educate yourself before going and throwing around nonsense like that.
 
 
 
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