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Horrible flatmates at uni :( Watch

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    I've been at my uni for almost a year now (there will only be around 5 weeks left after the Easter holiday), and I'm fed up with the people I live with. I don't want to go back!

    The main problem is with two of them, they grew up together and now live at uni together and they just gang up on me all the time. They've been really abusive all year, it seems like they just use any excuse to pick on me. Like they've picked on me for making sandwiches at lunch time and using flash cards for revision (because apparently they're a stupid way to revise.) They also like to diagnose me with mental illnesses a lot, things they've tried to diagnose me with include: Asperger's syndrome, Autism etc. It's been quite upsetting. As well as this, they've been putting loads of pressure on me to sort out a house for me and them, but I don't want to live with them.

    The main issue though is the fact that they pressure me into going out a lot. They make me go to clubs and I just hate going. I always end up getting really bored and it's just such a waste of time for me. I know you'll say "just stand up for yourself", but it's really hard when you live with people and they gang up on you. I tell them I hate it and I don't want to go, but they're just so ruthless. They've forced me out when I'm ill, hungover and on the verge of passing out from fatigue, so they don't like to be lenient. I say no and then they'll bang on my door for hours and they just won't leave me alone. This is really annoying because I have made friends at uni that I actually like going with, and means I have to end up going out about 3-4 times a week which sucks because my course is so demanding.

    I'm getting really stressed about this now though because I have six exams coming up, and I just don't have time to go. I don't know what to do. I was thinking about going the library early so that I can avoid them and then just staying there until around 12pm, but then I don't know what to do about dinner, I think it'd be hard to go without food until midnight. Plus they'd be phoning me non-stop to pressure me into going out. Then for not going they'd probably bully me more (they've been known to mess with people's food etc.). I just hate this situation, it seems like whatever I do I'm gonna end up failing.
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    Speak to student services? You really should start standing up for yourself, though. You get people like this everywhere, and if you let them walk all over you, they'll just keep on doing it. You need to put your foot down. The fact that you're letting them affect you in such a way that it's causing problems with your happiness is appalling.
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    (Original post by Lethorio)
    Speak to student services? You really should start standing up for yourself, though. You get people like this everywhere, and if you let them walk all over you, they'll just keep on doing it. You need to put your foot down. The fact that you're letting them affect you in such a way that it's causing problems with your happiness is appalling.
    I don't know how to stand up for myself though, there's more of them and they go to the gym so they're much stronger than me. One of them has a history of violence. It's not as easy as people think.
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    You don't have to get physical with them. Just start putting your foot down, and refuse to go out if you don't actually want to go out. Tell them that you're not happy about the way you're treated. If they're mature adults, they'll listen to you, and respect that. It might just be that they think they're having a laugh, and they're taking it too far, but don't realise that. Failing that, go to student services and speak to someone about the situation.
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    (Original post by Lethorio)
    You don't have to get physical with them. Just start putting your foot down, and refuse to go out if you don't actually want to go out. Tell them that you're not happy about the way you're treated. If they're mature adults, they'll listen to you, and respect that. It might just be that they think they're having a laugh, and they're taking it too far, but don't realise that. Failing that, go to student services and speak to someone about the situation.
    They're really not mature adults though. They're both failing their courses, one of them was a drug dealer for a while. They just aren't nice people. I have tried to tell them no, but it just doesn't work. They're too ruthless for that. The annoying thing is I worked hard to get into a good uni to avoid people like this, I guess I was naive to think these people didn't exist at good universities.
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    What's the problem? Live with other people next year.
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    They can't physically force you to go somewhere with then. Lock your door and refuse to answer next time they go knocking for you. They're bound to give up eventually.

    I find it odd that you seem to hate them and they don't seem to like you, yet they're constantly forcing you to go out with them? That doesn't make the slightest bit of sense :confused:

    I hope you have somewhere to live next year with different people. Stick it out for a bit longer, you don't have to be around them for much longer.
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    go to the gym, get hench and bang the ****ers out
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    At the start of the year my flatmates were like this.

    However, I stood up to them (which was a bigger deal than just the words make it seem, as I'm normally a real pushover), and basically said, 'no I'm not going to fail my course for a cheap thrill of a night out, especially not with such poor company', or words to that effect.

    Not only did this work, but I actually became very good mates with them. I suspect they respected that I grew a pair and stood up to them, as before that night I stood up for myself, I was beginning to dread the rest of the year.

    I do enjoy the occasional night out, but I'm talking once or twice a term, no more than that. Ironically, going out less often means that when I do go out with these people, we have a really good time. On the occasions (90% or so) I say I don't want to go out, they 'joke bully' me into going out, but it's only half-hearted, and not a big deal anyway.

    In your situation, the fact that the two of them grew up together may be a problem. Without knowing you or them in real life, it's hard to comment. From what you've described, if it was me, I'd deliver one or two harsh home truths about their frequent nights out and leave it at that. If they tamper with your food or anything else, then you have grounds to make a more official complaint, but that'd be a last resort.

    Hope this helps, but remember you only have a few more weeks of it anyway.

    With regards to next years housing, I'd just tell them you've already sorted something yourself, separately (even if you haven't). Then, independently try to find somewhere with your own circle of friends (from your course, societies etc). That should serve as a reality check so late on in the year for them to find a decent property for themselves.
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    (Original post by Onion man)
    They're really not mature adults though. They're both failing their courses, one of them was a drug dealer for a while. They just aren't nice people. I have tried to tell them no, but it just doesn't work. They're too ruthless for that. The annoying thing is I worked hard to get into a good uni to avoid people like this, I guess I was naive to think these people didn't exist at good universities.
    Sorry to hear about that, out of interest what are you studying & at which university ?
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    Are they doing it maliciously or is it just banter to them? I can't see why they'd want you to go out with them if they don't like you.
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    I totally understand where you are coming from. I was lucky enough to only have 1 horrid flatmate but him and his friends were really abusive (to the point if you didn't lock your door at night, they'd come in your room and get in bed with you!). I spoke to the student life officer and he had a chat with the guy and told him that if he had one more complaint he;d be kicked off campus. My second solution was to really show him that I wasn't going to take any of his nonsense. Unfortunately for you, I think it's easier for a girl to do that becuase the chances of a male hitting a female are a lot less. I guess you need to tell them that you aren't going because you have other plans, don't let them push you around. Unforutnately, even when you leave uni and join the work force you will still meet people like that, so you have to learn how to deal with them.
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    You need to put your foot down and be firm with them.
    If this doesnt work, then go the library swtich off your phone and take some snacks.
    Or go to a friends house to chill out..
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    (Original post by Midnight1811)
    Sorry to hear about that, out of interest what are you studying & at which university ?
    Business and Management at Aston University. They're doing similar courses (accounting and economics) they just don't put any work in.
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    (Original post by deedee123)
    Are they doing it maliciously or is it just banter to them? I can't see why they'd want you to go out with them if they don't like you.
    I'm not sure really. They know I've missed lectures because of it and just laughed, but neither of them go to lectures really. They probably think it's banter, but I assure you it isn't. They know I get bored when I go out as well.
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    Wow, GET OUT OF THERE. I've had really horrible housemates before, too, and it is so, so not worth sticking it out. If you're in student housing, there should be someone you can talk to about finding a different place to stay - surely there is one somewhere on campus.
    If you can't find anywhere else, just tell them that you really have to study when they try to make you go out with them, and if that doesn't work just tell them to go eff themselves and lock yourself in your room.

    as for next year, you should see if any of your friends who have more similar lifestyles to yourself might want to share a flat or something. and then next time they ask you if you've found anywhere, you can dump that on them like a bag of bricks and they'll have to cop on that they need to do their own house-hunting.

    hope it all works out for you, sorry you've been landed with such jerks, I know how bad that can be.
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    I saw that you were male and lost all sympathy....


    When I was in uni I had housemates who loved to play poker (result!!!!) but also did their drugs a lot (vile!!!).


    There wasn't a second that I ever entertained their desire to get me hooked on weed/god knows what other drugs they were doing. They were actually pretty vile creatures at the end of the day, and one of my really close mates fell for the trap (though he's still a good mate! He just simply gave in to peer pressure)


    I think you should stand up for the **** you believe in yourself. Don't let these ****ers tell you what to do or anything like that. Trust me though, it is a very very hard thing to do and you will feel quite lonely at times but at the end of the day they really do sound like tools and you should just disassociate yourself from them. Join a uni club, or get in with the group who are passionate towards your subject and then things will probably start to make more sense


    At the end of the day, 80%+ of people are out to **** you over. Go find the 20% who actually care about you as a person!!!
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    Do you have friends you could crash with over the next 5 weeks? Sounds like they are going to make your life difficult whatever you do so extracting yourself from the situation is a good call. Make sure you have something sorted for next year nd focus on your exams. Its going to be ****ty but you are going to get through in the end. Also speak to student services as everyone else has said.
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    (Original post by Stevo112)
    I saw that you were male and lost all sympathy....

    Oh please :rolleyes:
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    Move flats? This is (almost) always an option in halls, and can be sorted out by talking to halls reception / pastoral tutor / warden.
 
 
 
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