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I need female perspectives about my relationship watch

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    Hey TSR,

    Well i've been going through some issues lately, theres alot to explain about my situation. It's a silly question but do girls deliberately mess up ones mind if you know what im saying. Right now im not quite sure what state i should be in, im angry, sad, jealous and all the bad emotions and i just can't make it any clearer for myself.

    So yeah do girls do indirect messages to mess around with ones mind?
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    Girls always do indirect things. Whether it be about another girl or you. The messed up thing is, they might not even mean what they're saying, they'll say it for a reaction. It's part of the mystery of the female psyche.

    Just a lighter addition - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpW3orlfp7E
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    - Girls do not deliberately mess with your mind for the sake of it. If they are interested in breaking up with you however, they may do something to provoke it, but in that scenario, guys are the same. If they are deliberately trying to upset you, there has to be an agenda. It is less often the case than you think.
    - Girls communication with one another is based more on subtle messages and giving hints, which means that a lot of girls can assume guys pick up on the same things. The intention behind it is not bad; essentially, if you can plant an idea in someone's mind which would be hurtful to say directly, it can be beneficial. If the guy doesn't understand what you're getting at, however, it can be confusing.
    - If she is deliberately trying to make you jealous, it is because she is not secure of your affection and tries to get your attention.
    - If she is actually going out with/flirting with/hooking up with another guy, she is not that into you.

    On a general note, actions speak louder than words. If you start paying attention to what girls DO, who they date, how they behave, you'll find they're less complicated than you think.
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    Some do, some don't. If every girl messed around with every guy's mind, the human race would never get anywhere. However, if no girl messed around with no guy's mind, the human race would probably never have got here either.
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    (Original post by Millie228)
    - Girls do not deliberately mess with your mind. If they are interested in breaking up with you however, they may do something to provoke it, but in that scenario, guys are the same.
    - Girls communication with one another is based more on subtle messages and giving hints, which means that a lot of girls can assume guys pick up on the same things. The intention behind it is not bad; essentially, if you can plant an idea in someone's mind which would be hurtful to say directly, it can be beneficial. If the guy doesn't understand what you're getting at, however, it can be confusing.
    - If she is deliberately trying to make you jealous, it is because she is not secure of your affection and tries to get your attention.
    - If she is actually going out with/flirting with/hooking up with another guy, she is not that into you.

    On a general note, actions speak louder than words. If you start paying attention to what girls DO, who they date, how they behave, you'll find they're less complicated than you think.



    Stopped reading there.


    Girls do.

    Guys do.




    That is all.
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    This is not some gender problem. If someone is communication avoidant, then it's best to confront them if they won't be forthcoming.
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    I can understand what is said, its just hard to me to see it clearly enough. Heres my situation in a brief paragraph.

    I went out with this girl for over two years, i was her first and she was my first. broke up in december and now were here. I want to get back with her but there are alot of barriers blocking her way like her friends and this one guy. I strongly believe she does feelings for me because i spoke to her on skype recently and she's still wearing my clothes and also she still has the ring that i bought for her and she wears it everyday. So this middle guy, he started to leech into her life, spoke his way up to gain his reputation. I thought this guy was alright until recently where hes tried to move onto her. He asked her out on valentines but she rejected him and he went crying for a couple weeks until now that he's trying it again. I want to get back with her but im just not clear with all these messages and all, we broke up on a mutual thing, we are still friends but i want to be more than that. She's got two sides to her, in college she doesnt really show any interest but outside of college when im with her she shows alot of interest like as if we were in a relationship, she doesnt want me to leave, we make out and all of that.. so here thats where im now, jealous, confused, angry, sad

    But thanks for all your helps ladies and gents, its really helped me
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    (Original post by TanMan)
    I want to get back with her but there are alot of barriers blocking her way like her friends and this one guy.
    She doesn't sound that into you because if she was, she wouldn't put up so many barriers.

    (Original post by TanMan)
    She's got two sides to her, in college she doesnt really show any interest but outside of college when im with her she shows alot of interest like as if we were in a relationship, she doesnt want me to leave, we make out and all of that.. so here thats where im now, jealous, confused, angry, sad
    Serious red flag. She sounds like someone who laps up the attention but isn't emotionally available for a relationship. Anyway, don't date anyone who wants to keep you a secret.

    Tell her what you want and see how she responds. If she wants the same thing, it's a no brainer. Try and think less about how she's acting, and more about how you feel about the situation - are you happy with chasing someone who is making it that hard for you? It may be a case of calmly asking her what's going. You may force an honest answer from her if she is not being up front.
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    (Original post by TanMan)
    I can understand what is said, its just hard to me to see it clearly enough. Heres my situation in a brief paragraph.

    I went out with this girl for over two years, i was her first and she was my first. broke up in december and now were here. I want to get back with her but there are alot of barriers blocking her way like her friends and this one guy. I strongly believe she does feelings for me because i spoke to her on skype recently and she's still wearing my clothes and also she still has the ring that i bought for her and she wears it everyday. So this middle guy, he started to leech into her life, spoke his way up to gain his reputation. I thought this guy was alright until recently where hes tried to move onto her. He asked her out on valentines but she rejected him and he went crying for a couple weeks until now that he's trying it again. I want to get back with her but im just not clear with all these messages and all, we broke up on a mutual thing, we are still friends but i want to be more than that. She's got two sides to her, in college she doesnt really show any interest but outside of college when im with her she shows alot of interest like as if we were in a relationship, she doesnt want me to leave, we make out and all of that.. so here thats where im now, jealous, confused, angry, sad

    But thanks for all your helps ladies and gents, its really helped me
    First off, this other guy doesn't sound like a barrier to you (if that's what you're worried about?) - she's already rejected him, which is generally quite a final thing for girls to do.

    She sounds like she's screwing you over, but I highly doubt she's consciously messing with your mind just for the hell of it. There are a million reasons why she might not want to seem interested in you at college, where I'm guessing there are a lot of friends and mutual acquaintances who might judge her (especially if her friends don't like you). To me, it sounds like she's interested in you but for whatever reason isn't willing to display it publicly yet.

    Possible explanations I can think of:

    a) She wants to get back together but:
    i) Isn't sure about whether you do;
    ii) Isn't sure she wants a relationship to be 'official' to everyone at college as she's afraid of being judged;
    b) She's still attached to you (could be clinginess, self esteem issues, liking for attention, etc) but doesn't really want to get back together;
    c) She is confused about what she wants

    Have you tried just asking her how she feels about you...? Because you're not going to find out otherwise, and you deserve better than this.
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    (Original post by Lucia.)
    She doesn't sound that into you because if she was, she wouldn't put up so many barriers.



    Serious red flag. She sounds like someone who laps up the attention but isn't emotionally available for a relationship. Anyway, don't date anyone who wants to keep you a secret.

    Tell her what you want and see how she responds. If she wants the same thing, it's a no brainer. Try and think less about how she's acting, and more about how you feel about the situation - are you happy with chasing someone who is making it that hard for you? It may be a case of calmly asking her what's going. You may force an honest answer from her if she is not being up front.

    Yeah i mean alot of my friends told me to give her space and everything, i've been with her for two years, i pretty much know her inside and out. The issue that i have is that the middle guy can pretty much manipulate her in a way. Furthermore i got friends to watch out for me and they told me that he's the one that always makes the first move to meet up with her and at times they dont even speak. And for her friends, well her friends are alright. It's her bestfriend that really influences her, her bestfriend and herself known each other since nursery and theyve been through education together throughout their lives (Sames schools etc) and me going out with her, that pretty much left her by herself she didnt want to intervene and join in etc so i guess that's why she hates me and doesnt want me to be back with her because she will feel isolated once more?
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    (Original post by Koalagate)
    First off, this other guy doesn't sound like a barrier to you (if that's what you're worried about?) - she's already rejected him, which is generally quite a final thing for girls to do.

    She sounds like she's screwing you over, but I highly doubt she's consciously messing with your mind just for the hell of it. There are a million reasons why she might not want to seem interested in you at college, where I'm guessing there are a lot of friends and mutual acquaintances who might judge her (especially if her friends don't like you). To me, it sounds like she's interested in you but for whatever reason isn't willing to display it publicly yet.

    Possible explanations I can think of:

    a) She wants to get back together but:
    i) Isn't sure about whether you do;
    ii) Isn't sure she wants a relationship to be 'official' to everyone at college as she's afraid of being judged;
    b) She's still attached to you (could be clinginess, self esteem issues, liking for attention, etc) but doesn't really want to get back together;
    c) She is confused about what she wants

    Have you tried just asking her how she feels about you...? Because you're not going to find out otherwise, and you deserve better than this.
    I know this person shouldn't be a big situation, but it does get in there at times and yeah i does make me depressed and all but again this middle guy is always with her, the funny thing is that he makes all the first moves to meet up with this girl like lets say shes in the library, he would meet her and i've seen it first person. Besides that i got friends that are looking out for me and they say that yeah they are always together but this guy doesnt really speak to her much and stuff. But as the post above this, her best friend and the middle guy takes hold of it more. I know her, i mean after all its been two years i guess thats long enough for me to know her to a certain extent and i can see that she is confused? Valentines wasn't that long ago, about a month and a half and yet she was in a confused state?
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    Hey guys just a quick little update on the situation, well it seems to be indirect messages straight at me all this time. I know a lot of you say that it means nothing and all but recently it has. So recently she posted sad status' but then the next day after she posts the middle guys name, ill call him john. She presented it by Johnnnnn with like a blushed face and a smiley with hearts for its eyes so i was like alright.. So i got really depressed so i really came to it and said "you've fallen for him" then a couple hours after i posted that status her best friend asked "Hey, TanMan is that status meant for her?" and i haven't replied. I looked at the time difference between them two on when they both last went on (By the way shes using whatsapp so i can see the time that he last goes on) so i really don't understand why she's making her best friend to say it.. Strongest feelings that her best friend stayed over her house.
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    (Original post by TanMan)
    Hey guys just a quick little update on the situation, well it seems to be indirect messages straight at me all this time. I know a lot of you say that it means nothing and all but recently it has. So recently she posted sad status' but then the next day after she posts the middle guys name, ill call him john. She presented it by Johnnnnn with like a blushed face and a smiley with hearts for its eyes so i was like alright.. So i got really depressed so i really came to it and said "you've fallen for him" then a couple hours after i posted that status her best friend asked "Hey, TanMan is that status meant for her?" and i haven't replied. I looked at the time difference between them two on when they both last went on (By the way shes using whatsapp so i can see the time that he last goes on) so i really don't understand why she's making her best friend to say it.. Strongest feelings that her best friend stayed over her house.
    I don't really understand the significance of the bolded part.

    You're over analysing. People post weird things on Facebook all the time; you really can't read into them without more information. Unless 'John' and this girl are now in a relationship, it's unlikely that it means anything at all.

    I repeat my earlier advice: you should really just ask her about how she feels about you or you're just going to fall deeper into confusion and depression. This girl is clearly not going to make a move, so it's up to you to say something if you want more. What's stopping you from just talking to her about it all?
 
 
 
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