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    Hello

    I am currently trying to write a book... its been two years since my boyfriend's dad died and im kinda not coping again... but ive found solace (idk if thats the word) in writing about it (obviously with name changes!)

    Its called Hostage. the book starts with the aftermath of the death of Alexa's boyfriend's (Charlie) uncle. She has two best friends, Alana and Maria, that look after her throughout. Katiana is the nemesis in this as will be obvious in the first couple pages :P (and yes that part is based on real life... thats gonna be fun to write)

    the book progresses to Alexa suffering from mental disorder. she develops "powers," and heals her boyfriend from the pain of the death, and also saves her friends from other things (not really sure yet.. im only on the first few pages!). the readers (hopefully!) will be left wondering if her best friends were actually real or just imagination, and whether she does have powers or not (the book will say that she has depression and anxiety and OCD, but the readers may be left wondering if she was schizophrenic... hopefully...)



    Ive only done the first few pages. I usually try and introduce the characters with the whole "she had brown hair and brown eyes" etc.. but in this ive tried not to do that... (im describing the main character and the boyfriend and Katiana, but the best friends will be a mystery to what they actually look like to create the illusion as to whether or not they actually are there)

    hope the first chapter is okay
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    Okay, it's good.

    The first section is a bit disjointed. I know you were trying to communicate the confusion of the main character in the broken sentences and repeating questions, but it makes it difficult for the reader to settle into the story until at least the second or third paragraph.

    Your writing definitely flows better, sounds better towards the end, and if you were to take some of the sentence structure from the end and develop it into the start it would create a nice mirroring effect.

    I think you need a little bit more description. The scenes jump quite quickly and it would be good to slow this down with greater description of characters and scenes. I don't mean whole passages of lavish adjective, but say when Alexa first sees her friends, just mention a little of how they look, but work it into the story so that you've still got that flow of passage.

    Similarly, the situation of the characters needs to be a little more hinted at. You don't need to completely explain the whole situation, but just suggesting things will keep the reader interested and intrigued.

    What you have at the moment is the bear bones of a story, and it just needs a bit more fleshing out. But it definitely has potential
 
 
 
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