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Is it right to tell my GF about my previous same-sex experiences? Watch

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    Hello,
    I have made this anon because its a really embarrassing thing.
    Basically I am in a happy relationship with my current girlfriend, it's being 8months (my longest relationship I've had!)...I love her so so much. I have been through a lot and she's supported me through it all...
    My guilty conscience lies in the fact that, when I was 14 I had a homosexual experience with a boy the same age as me (she doesn't know this) and at the time I was attracted to him but I think it was because I had no father figure maybe, I dunno. I never had sex with him, but we had everything in between. Then of course my life moved on, I would like to point out that I have never been sexually attracted to all men I see, and generally I'm not.

    Then I had another experience when I was 18/19 but this was with a much older guy (26/27)....basically I met him when I was 17, he was bisexual. I got emotionally attached to him somehow, and we didn't pursue anything because I was too young, so I waited until I was 19ish. I used to stay over at his house, we would do foreplay/oral. It felt great, I was attracted to him, and only him (in other words I wasn't generally into the male race just him. So I never have considered myself gay/bi. Always thought I was straight, and put all my experiences to the back of my mind, got on with life.

    This was partly due to the fact I was kind of disgusted with myself and ashamed and god forbid what my folks and friends would say if they knew. Kept it all to myself for years. I think it felt like a taboo before, but after it all happened I felt sordid, because I'd see this guy every so often, he worked away and I'd make some excuse to my mum so I could go over to his house when he was home.

    Anyways, this was years ago...the point been...I'm with my GF and it I'd my first ever relationship and GF. I love her very much, and still think of myself as straight, although I guess I'm not by popular belief. They say you can't choose sexuality but I choose to forget my past exp. The point is...is this something I should bring up with my GF after 8 months? I'm not sure she'd like to hear it.
    Also, I'm not the sort of guy that you'd assume had these sort of experiences with same sex. I act, look very straight....which of course I choose to be because although I had such events, I still always liked women. Any advice?
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    To be short-I would tell her because if she found out from a third party, I can imagine that she may be be shocked and/or upset. At least if you inform her , you can tell her the whole story, and how you really felt at that time, and how much you do love her . There may be a chance that if she found out from someone else she may be angry and may not want to talk to you... Or by you telling her she could be completely understanding.

    Interesting that I recieved 3 negatives for my post. I will reveal why I gave the answer I did. When I dated an ex of mine years ago, he told that his first sexual experience was with a guy (he had full sex) as at that time in his life he didn't find girls attractive. By him telling me it helped me to understand his true sexuality and how he felt about it, and what he really wanted. Unbeknown to me at the time his cloest friends had already known, and if I was told from them rather than him that I would have been upset, possibly angry. But by him telling me and explaining in full detail I was more understanding.
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    don't dwell, you have nothing to feel guilty for - you experimented, so what, lots do - it shows you are normal? and now you know you like her and you are happy ! in realising this, try and move on and enjoy your time with her - that's the only way you should deal with this!

    hope this helps
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    I don't understand why you'd need to, I mean, would you prefer her to share her sexual experiences, heterosexual or homosexual? Past sexual history isn't important in any relationship IMO as long as you've both been careful and I'd assume that since you seem to be in a serious relationship that anything like that would have been addressed already.
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    There is absolutely no reason to bring it up with your girlfriend. It is best to leave the past exactly where it belongs, in the past!

    This is of course assuming you arn't going to have an epiphany relating to your sexuality and then leave her abruptly.
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    I don't see why you'd need to tell her anything. It's in the past, let it go. You experimented, you found you liked it but that it wasn't what you really wanted. As long as there's no possibility of her finding out from anyone else, there's no need for her to know as it would likely only confuse her. In fact, she might think that you were trying to come out to her, which is obviously not what you would want her to think.
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    Your girlfriend and you might feel slightly closer after your confession, but on the other hand she may be somewhat or completely put off you.

    Not worth the risk. Little to gain. Keep it to yourself boyo.

    ...also don't be ashamed of your occasional <3 for ****. It is 2013. It's fiiiinnne.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    post
    It seems like you're a little in-denial to your bi-sexual thoughts. Don't worry too much about things, have an open mind and be accepting.
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    No straight man does what you have done.

    Be true to yourself.
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    Welcome Squad
    Don't tell her. No point - it won't help and will probably hurt both of you. As long as you're not feeling anything for a guy right now, it's really not an issue.
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    I dint read the whole story ( i am not much of a reader ),,, but most girls can handle it when u say "well ive been bi sexual in the past", some girls had a different upbringing from their parents. and then u can loose her with talking about gay stuff, not that she is narrow minded, but she just cant swallow it, so then u must wait a litle bit telling her... And try to work ur way in ( so to speak )
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    If you'd tell her about previous opposite-sex experiences, I don't see why you should act differently for your same-sex experiences.

    (Original post by edwinemanuelposse)
    most girls can handle it when u say "well ive been bi sexual in the past"
    What planet do you live on? Your sexuality doesn't change.
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    Do it, she might get wet over it like I would if my woman was to engage or previously have engaged in a same sex act.
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    Why are people acting like this is something that ought to be hidden? If you don't want to tell her, that's entirely up to you OP if you personally don't feel comfortable with her knowing, but having homosexual experiences in your past isn't something you need to be ashamed about, I don't think you'd need to worry about telling her if you'd like her to know. It's not that big a deal. Although I suppose people's perceptions depend on their culture and upbringing. I don't think it's something that you necessarily need to tell her either though, it doesn't really make a difference either way, unless previous partners come up in which case why not mention it? I really don't see how it's a bad thing or how it would "hurt her", is it really so different to him being with girls? People experiment, it happens.
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    You're most likely bisexual with a very strong preference for women. There's no problem or shame in that. Sexuality is a spectrum and people fit somewhere along it.

    You don't have to share it with her. It's up to you really. It's fairly annoying, but even in 2013 some people will still judge that, though a lot of people don't care either. If you're happy with your girlfriend and don't feel a need to tell her, then don't. It's not really any of her business what your past sexual experiences are. If you were gay, it would be, since then you wouldn't be sexually attracted to her. You're not though, as you obviously have an attraction to women, so it doesn't really matter.
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    I don't see why you're ashamed. You describe yourself as bisexual rather than straight, but make it out like there is something wrong with that and it should be different to if you'd had previous straight sexual encounters. If you don't want to tell her, you're not obliged to.

    (Original post by Treeroy)
    If you'd tell her about previous opposite-sex experiences, I don't see why you should act differently for your same-sex experiences.


    What planet do you live on? Your sexuality doesn't change.
    Whether your sexuality can naturally change is a matter of debate and future scientific research.
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    Some things are best left unsaid... I highly doubt your gf will be intrigued by your ****-sucking escapades -.-

    My advice to you is this:

    Learn to keep certain secrets away from certain people. These incidents occurred wayyy before you were involved with her so you have absolutely no obligation to tell her, no matter what anyone says.
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    (Original post by Yawn11)
    No straight man does what you have done.

    Be true to yourself.
    Ignore this.

    I've seen what OPs described happen too many times to just label these people as gay.

    Don't tell her OP, she doesn't need to know.
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    I would want to know if I was the Gf. I think two of my past relationships had had an experience similar to yours - and I didn't mind (and prefer to know than not know).

    How open-minded is your girlfriend?
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    Imagine if your gf told you she had lesbian experiences in the past, how would you feel, I wouldn't feel a thing. Just tell her, maybe girls have gay fantasies like guys have lesbian fantasies


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