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    I'm seeing quite a lot of a girl at the moment and we're getting on really well. We're very comfortable around each other and whenever we meet up we nearly always end up cuddled up on the sofa with each other. We ended up making out for a pretty long time last time we saw eachother. Anyway, today we met up and we were just casually chatting about nothing in particular and she mentioned that she didn't think relationships were a good idea and that you shouldn't commit yourself to another person when you're young. It's made me question exactly where our relationship is going right now. It's moving far too slowly for it to be a purely sexual kind of thing, it feels very boyfriend/girlfriend ish. I'm not sure what she's after, it's confused me. Anyone got any ideas? I know it's a longshot but I don't really have anyone else to discuss it with. :L
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    Sounds like shes after only comfort with the hugging and kissing. Ive noticed a lot of people at uni seems to crave this attention, even those who have partners back home (sigh) they tend to seek out someone of the opposite sex that they can have a 'low' level of intimacy with.
    I think you need be establish exactly what you want , because if your after a relationship , I would cut loose with this girl.
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    It's fair enough to not jump straight to sex and so on, but she's ruled out a relationship altogether, and it seems that's what you're after, so I'd say the two of you aren't compatible. Presumably you're not set on marrying her yourself, but you don't want to rule out possibilities like she has done.
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    Sighh women...my girlfriend used to say the exact same thing too: "Too early to have someone to commit in". But strangely, after a month or so she wanted a relationship -.-
    The thing is we are both 19, how old are you sir?


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    friendzoned brother
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    (Original post by BANS2012)
    Sounds like shes after only comfort with the hugging and kissing. Ive noticed a lot of people at uni seems to crave this attention, even those who have partners back home (sigh) they tend to seek out someone of the opposite sex that they can have a 'low' level of intimacy with.
    I think you need be establish exactly what you want , because if your after a relationship , I would cut loose with this girl.
    I think you might be right to be honest. She had a messy breakup with her last boyfriend and she was telling me how it's really hard to go from having someone who's always there for you to not having anyone. So yeah, that makes sense. I'll try and speak to her.

    (Original post by Hopple)
    It's fair enough to not jump straight to sex and so on, but she's ruled out a relationship altogether, and it seems that's what you're after, so I'd say the two of you aren't compatible. Presumably you're not set on marrying her yourself, but you don't want to rule out possibilities like she has done.
    Ohh I never expected her to do that, but if it was just about getting some we would definitely have got a lot further than we have done at the moment.
    (Original post by Kozzy17320)
    Sighh women...my girlfriend used to say the exact same thing too: "Too early to have someone to commit in". But strangely, after a month or so she wanted a relationship -.-
    The thing is we are both 19, how old are you sir?


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    Maybe I'll just keep tagging along for a few weeks and see how it goes then. I think that there's definitely something there but she is just worried about commitment and expectations so it might be worth it. We're both 18.

    (Original post by yorkshire.lad)
    friendzoned brother
    Thought that might be the case.
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    Ask her outright. If she doesn't give you the answer you want, don't keep sleeping with her or doing the boyfriend thing with her just hoping that she will change her mind. You will end up disappointing yourself and perhaps resenting her if things don't go how you'd like them to.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ohh I never expected her to do that, but if it was just about getting some we would definitely have got a lot further than we have done at the moment.
    I'm not saying you have/are, just pointing out that people tend not to rule out something long term like that unless it's just sex and they don't want things to get complicated. Presumably you're after a relationship that doesn't have 'prescribed limits' like she has, it seems like she'll deliberately stop herself (or try to) from falling in love until she's hit a magic age she's thought up.

    I suppose you could talk to her about why she feels that way, but unless one of you manages to convince the other, I'd say part ways.
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    Ask her out, or continue to plod along as you are.

    She doesn't seem to want a relationship though.

    If she isn't interested in that, you'll have to make a decision as to what you want.
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    I know this is slightly off topic, sorry, but it does annoy me a little bit when teenagers say things like relationships shouldn't exist young, and you're just going to break up so what's the point, and you shouldn't commit young.

    While to a certain extent, this is realistic thinking, it's pretty depressing. Not everyone has teen/young relationships, I know that. If it's not by choice then it just means nobody good has come along yet or they aren't much interested in the opposite sex, nothing wrong with that. But I don't agree with the notion that young relationships serve no purpose.

    They serve plenty of purpose. Gaining valuable experience, developing certain skills and making later relationships smoother and easier, understanding the opposite (or same!) sex in a romantic way, and most importantly spending time - however little or much - together and being happy with a person for that time. Plus, you could go on to spend years or a lifetime together, who really knows?

    That's my 2 cents anyway, little rant for the morning. As to your problem: I'd be straight with her, telling her you really like her and would quite like a romantic relationship, or at least an establishment as to the status of your current relationship. Just talk it out. Being a girl, I know we say stupid things sometimes when we're desperate to act all cool and casual, but really want the same things as the boy. You never know, she might be hiding her true feelings.
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    (Original post by Beckyweck)
    Ask her outright. If she doesn't give you the answer you want, don't keep sleeping with her or doing the boyfriend thing with her just hoping that she will change her mind. You will end up disappointing yourself and perhaps resenting her if things don't go how you'd like them to.
    That's sensible. It's just quite a difficult thing to let go of. I'm going to give it a bit of time because she was pretty ill and worn out when she said this stuff so it might have clouded her judgement a bit. I'll speak to her though.

    (Original post by Hopple)
    I'm not saying you have/are, just pointing out that people tend not to rule out something long term like that unless it's just sex and they don't want things to get complicated. Presumably you're after a relationship that doesn't have 'prescribed limits' like she has, it seems like she'll deliberately stop herself (or try to) from falling in love until she's hit a magic age she's thought up.

    I suppose you could talk to her about why she feels that way, but unless one of you manages to convince the other, I'd say part ways.
    Oh right, I see what they mean. Well yeah ideally I'd like that but it doesn't sound all that likely right now. I'll speak to her tomorrow and just go from there.
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    (Original post by lou_100)
    I know this is slightly off topic, sorry, but it does annoy me a little bit when teenagers say things like relationships shouldn't exist young, and you're just going to break up so what's the point, and you shouldn't commit young.

    While to a certain extent, this is realistic thinking, it's pretty depressing. Not everyone has teen/young relationships, I know that. If it's not by choice then it just means nobody good has come along yet or they aren't much interested in the opposite sex, nothing wrong with that. But I don't agree with the notion that young relationships serve no purpose.

    They serve plenty of purpose. Gaining valuable experience, developing certain skills and making later relationships smoother and easier, understanding the opposite (or same!) sex in a romantic way, and most importantly spending time - however little or much - together and being happy with a person for that time. Plus, you could go on to spend years or a lifetime together, who really knows?

    That's my 2 cents anyway, little rant for the morning. As to your problem: I'd be straight with her, telling her you really like her and would quite like a romantic relationship, or at least an establishment as to the status of your current relationship. Just talk it out. Being a girl, I know we say stupid things sometimes when we're desperate to act all cool and casual, but really want the same things as the boy. You never know, she might be hiding her true feelings.
    I think you're right, that's my opinion too. But she had a really bad breakup with her ex and he's been giving her **** ever since. He saw photos of me and her on facebook and apparently harassed her for a few hours. I think she just wants to avoid that situation happening again.

    Yeah I'm hoping that it's not how she really feels. I'll discuss it with her tomorrow, hopefully it won't be too awkward a discussion...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's sensible. It's just quite a difficult thing to let go of. I'm going to give it a bit of time because she was pretty ill and worn out when she said this stuff so it might have clouded her judgement a bit. I'll speak to her though.



    Oh right, I see what they mean. Well yeah ideally I'd like that but it doesn't sound all that likely right now. I'll speak to her tomorrow and just go from there.
    I know it's hard, it wasn't the same situation but I've had to let go and move on for my own benefit before. If it will be for your own good in the long run then it's best to be strong, grit your teeth and just do it. Good luck.
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    i don't know the girl, but she might just prefer going slow and gaining trust in you, as she might feel she doesn't trust you well enough yet.
    Cus a commitment - phobe would probably tell you she doesnt want a relationship. She wouldn't not do anything because of that? Am i making sense here.. hope so. :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's sensible. It's just quite a difficult thing to let go of. I'm going to give it a bit of time because she was pretty ill and worn out when she said this stuff so it might have clouded her judgement a bit. I'll speak to her though.



    Oh right, I see what they mean. Well yeah ideally I'd like that but it doesn't sound all that likely right now. I'll speak to her tomorrow and just go from there.
    I know it's hard, it wasn't the same situation but I've had to let go and move on for my own benefit before. If it will be for your own good in the long run then it's best to be strong, grit your teeth and just do it. Good luck.
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    (Original post by lou_100)
    I know this is slightly off topic, sorry, but it does annoy me a little bit when teenagers say things like relationships shouldn't exist young, and you're just going to break up so what's the point, and you shouldn't commit young.

    While to a certain extent, this is realistic thinking, it's pretty depressing. Not everyone has teen/young relationships, I know that. If it's not by choice then it just means nobody good has come along yet or they aren't much interested in the opposite sex, nothing wrong with that. But I don't agree with the notion that young relationships serve no purpose.

    They serve plenty of purpose. Gaining valuable experience, developing certain skills and making later relationships smoother and easier, understanding the opposite (or same!) sex in a romantic way, and most importantly spending time - however little or much - together and being happy with a person for that time. Plus, you could go on to spend years or a lifetime together, who really knows?

    That's my 2 cents anyway, little rant for the morning. As to your problem: I'd be straight with her, telling her you really like her and would quite like a romantic relationship, or at least an establishment as to the status of your current relationship. Just talk it out. Being a girl, I know we say stupid things sometimes when we're desperate to act all cool and casual, but really want the same things as the boy. You never know, she might be hiding her true feelings.

    I completely agree with you!
 
 
 
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