Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Hi everyone.

    I could really do with a chat or just a friendly ear I think. I am a 23 year old female. When I was in my last year of university, I started to date a guy from back home who I met at the supermarket I worked at. I guess some would say it was meant to go wrong from the start as a week after we started dating, I found out he actually had a fiance with the venue booked and everything. He made her out to be a psycho to me and he essentially dumped her for me.

    Anyway, things were great but like anything, it turned out to be the most craziest two and a half years of my life. I did everything for this guy - treated him with care and respect. In turn, he cheated on me with a prositute, shouted at me, locked me in rooms. What is even worse is that I let him treat me so badly and I would have sex with him on demand and I would always take him back. Anyway, in the summer just gone, I had failed in many jobs. I am an intelligent person and I couldn't hold down any jobs because he would also do things like argue with me when I was at work and things. So in September I entered a teaching training course (where I am now practically a qualified secondary school teacher).

    In November, he rang me up and said he had booked flights to Australia and he wanted to travel for a year. (Bear in mind he has no qualifications, aspirations or anything). He dumped me and he refused to speak to me until he left. Later on that week, (about three days later) he rang me up saying he was coming back from Australia as he couldn't handle it out there. (Honestly 3 DAYS). He did go to Australia as well because I saw pictures of it on Facebook. Anyway, because I am such a mug when he came back I fell into bed with him in a heartbeat. I just really missed him and wanted to take care of him. But he was seeming distant and almost like he was fed up with me. Then, a couple of weeks after (end of January) he completely stopped talking to me and he changed his number.

    Now he has a 16 year old girlfriend, (he is 24). I know as a teacher now this isn't how I should feel but I feel so incredibly screwed up. I feel that he is happy and I am just sat here in plain misery. I am on anti-depressants and the only thing at the moment keeping me going is my teacher training course - but I even feel like a failure at that.

    It is killing me inside knowing that a young girl is out there and he will end up probably treating her the same. I have seen on Facebook (due to extensive stalking), that she calls him her "amazing boyfriend" etc. I don't know what to do. As bad as it sounds, I miss him so much. A part of me even wants him back. I am scared he will lead a happy life and he won't receive any karma for what he has done to me. I used to be such a confident person but now I am just lost inside.

    Can anyone give me any advice please?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Cut him out of your life completely.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    OP, I'm around the same age as you and although I've never been in a relationship like yours, my dad was like that.

    My mum was with him for more than 20 years and she left him about a year ago. She found it very difficult to cope with things but there was a book about abusive men in relationships that REALLY helped her when she read it. Not sure if it would help you but if you want it I can PM you what it's called.

    Edit: forgot to mention that a lot of people in your situation don't think that this is abuse, but it essentially does count as abuse in many standards.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xpretty_in_pinkx)
    Hi everyone.

    I could really do with a chat or just a friendly ear I think. I am a 23 year old female. When I was in my last year of university, I started to date a guy from back home who I met at the supermarket I worked at. I guess some would say it was meant to go wrong from the start as a week after we started dating, I found out he actually had a fiance with the venue booked and everything. He made her out to be a psycho to me and he essentially dumped her for me.

    Anyway, things were great but like anything, it turned out to be the most craziest two and a half years of my life. I did everything for this guy - treated him with care and respect. In turn, he cheated on me with a prositute, shouted at me, locked me in rooms. What is even worse is that I let him treat me so badly and I would have sex with him on demand and I would always take him back. Anyway, in the summer just gone, I had failed in many jobs. I am an intelligent person and I couldn't hold down any jobs because he would also do things like argue with me when I was at work and things. So in September I entered a teaching training course (where I am now practically a qualified secondary school teacher).

    In November, he rang me up and said he had booked flights to Australia and he wanted to travel for a year. (Bear in mind he has no qualifications, aspirations or anything). He dumped me and he refused to speak to me until he left. Later on that week, (about three days later) he rang me up saying he was coming back from Australia as he couldn't handle it out there. (Honestly 3 DAYS). He did go to Australia as well because I saw pictures of it on Facebook. Anyway, because I am such a mug when he came back I fell into bed with him in a heartbeat. I just really missed him and wanted to take care of him. But he was seeming distant and almost like he was fed up with me. Then, a couple of weeks after (end of January) he completely stopped talking to me and he changed his number.

    Now he has a 16 year old girlfriend, (he is 24). I know as a teacher now this isn't how I should feel but I feel so incredibly screwed up. I feel that he is happy and I am just sat here in plain misery. I am on anti-depressants and the only thing at the moment keeping me going is my teacher training course - but I even feel like a failure at that.

    It is killing me inside knowing that a young girl is out there and he will end up probably treating her the same. I have seen on Facebook (due to extensive stalking), that she calls him her "amazing boyfriend" etc. I don't know what to do. As bad as it sounds, I miss him so much. A part of me even wants him back. I am scared he will lead a happy life and he won't receive any karma for what he has done to me. I used to be such a confident person but now I am just lost inside.

    Can anyone give me any advice please?
    First off, and I think it needs to be said, don't go back to him. Ever.

    For you, the best thing is to keep going with your teacher training - maybe the opportunity will arise down the line to help his new 'girlfriend' (from what you've said, I doubt he sees her that way), get revenge or see karma get him, but for now those things are out of your control and will only drag you away from your own happiness if you focus on them.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Women...

    Such ****ing mugs.

    For once in your life, use your brain when considering relationships! A lot of girls need to stop "following their heart" all the time...

    This was a disaster waiting to happen. You say you were used and abused, but this could have been avoided if you used your damn brain.

    Right, putting on my nice face; Kick him out of your life. Permanently.

    Learn from this mistake, next time you're in a **** relationship, engage brain and get the **** out fast.

    He will not change, and will continue to flutter between girls, screwing them over. He is a ****.

    Do not tarnish all men under this slime-balls brush. Take up a hobby that you've wanted to do, but haven't gotten round to yet. It'll take your mind off the situation, and put you in a better place.

    All the best on your teacher training course.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Cut him out. He seems like a complete idiot. You've got something positve to focus on with your teacher training course. Learn from your mistakes so you don't go back and make them all over again, unfortunatly it seems like this current gf of his has got it all to come.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xpretty_in_pinkx)
    Hi everyone.

    I could really do with a chat or just a friendly ear I think. I am a 23 year old female. When I was in my last year of university, I started to date a guy from back home who I met at the supermarket I worked at. I guess some would say it was meant to go wrong from the start as a week after we started dating, I found out he actually had a fiance with the venue booked and everything. He made her out to be a psycho to me and he essentially dumped her for me.

    Anyway, things were great but like anything, it turned out to be the most craziest two and a half years of my life. I did everything for this guy - treated him with care and respect. In turn, he cheated on me with a prositute, shouted at me, locked me in rooms. What is even worse is that I let him treat me so badly and I would have sex with him on demand and I would always take him back. Anyway, in the summer just gone, I had failed in many jobs. I am an intelligent person and I couldn't hold down any jobs because he would also do things like argue with me when I was at work and things. So in September I entered a teaching training course (where I am now practically a qualified secondary school teacher).

    In November, he rang me up and said he had booked flights to Australia and he wanted to travel for a year. (Bear in mind he has no qualifications, aspirations or anything). He dumped me and he refused to speak to me until he left. Later on that week, (about three days later) he rang me up saying he was coming back from Australia as he couldn't handle it out there. (Honestly 3 DAYS). He did go to Australia as well because I saw pictures of it on Facebook. Anyway, because I am such a mug when he came back I fell into bed with him in a heartbeat. I just really missed him and wanted to take care of him. But he was seeming distant and almost like he was fed up with me. Then, a couple of weeks after (end of January) he completely stopped talking to me and he changed his number.

    Now he has a 16 year old girlfriend, (he is 24). I know as a teacher now this isn't how I should feel but I feel so incredibly screwed up. I feel that he is happy and I am just sat here in plain misery. I am on anti-depressants and the only thing at the moment keeping me going is my teacher training course - but I even feel like a failure at that.

    It is killing me inside knowing that a young girl is out there and he will end up probably treating her the same. I have seen on Facebook (due to extensive stalking), that she calls him her "amazing boyfriend" etc. I don't know what to do. As bad as it sounds, I miss him so much. A part of me even wants him back. I am scared he will lead a happy life and he won't receive any karma for what he has done to me. I used to be such a confident person but now I am just lost inside.

    Can anyone give me any advice please?
    I totally understand that you love this guy but please dont ever go back to him, not matter what he says he is never going to change.

    Iknow things look bad now but things will get better it might just take some time, try not to spend time alone as that is just going to make you sit and think about him. Spend time with your family and friends!

    Your a much better person than he is, i mean youve been to university and your doing a teacher training course and you actually want to do something with your life so dont let some low life like that get you down! Hes not going anywhere and you are so i think your better off without him! and the fact he is dating a 16 year old makes me sick, iknow age shouldnt matter but shes basically still a child!

    Please run a mile and find someone whos going to appreciate you and take care of you. he never deserved you and someday youll find someone that does, just dont let him bring you down!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xpretty_in_pinkx)
    Hi everyone.

    I could really do with a chat or just a friendly ear I think. I am a 23 year old female. When I was in my last year of university, I started to date a guy from back home who I met at the supermarket I worked at. I guess some would say it was meant to go wrong from the start as a week after we started dating, I found out he actually had a fiance with the venue booked and everything. He made her out to be a psycho to me and he essentially dumped her for me.

    Anyway, things were great but like anything, it turned out to be the most craziest two and a half years of my life. I did everything for this guy - treated him with care and respect. In turn, he cheated on me with a prositute, shouted at me, locked me in rooms. What is even worse is that I let him treat me so badly and I would have sex with him on demand and I would always take him back. Anyway, in the summer just gone, I had failed in many jobs. I am an intelligent person and I couldn't hold down any jobs because he would also do things like argue with me when I was at work and things. So in September I entered a teaching training course (where I am now practically a qualified secondary school teacher).

    In November, he rang me up and said he had booked flights to Australia and he wanted to travel for a year. (Bear in mind he has no qualifications, aspirations or anything). He dumped me and he refused to speak to me until he left. Later on that week, (about three days later) he rang me up saying he was coming back from Australia as he couldn't handle it out there. (Honestly 3 DAYS). He did go to Australia as well because I saw pictures of it on Facebook. Anyway, because I am such a mug when he came back I fell into bed with him in a heartbeat. I just really missed him and wanted to take care of him. But he was seeming distant and almost like he was fed up with me. Then, a couple of weeks after (end of January) he completely stopped talking to me and he changed his number.

    Now he has a 16 year old girlfriend, (he is 24). I know as a teacher now this isn't how I should feel but I feel so incredibly screwed up. I feel that he is happy and I am just sat here in plain misery. I am on anti-depressants and the only thing at the moment keeping me going is my teacher training course - but I even feel like a failure at that.

    It is killing me inside knowing that a young girl is out there and he will end up probably treating her the same. I have seen on Facebook (due to extensive stalking), that she calls him her "amazing boyfriend" etc. I don't know what to do. As bad as it sounds, I miss him so much. A part of me even wants him back. I am scared he will lead a happy life and he won't receive any karma for what he has done to me. I used to be such a confident person but now I am just lost inside.

    Can anyone give me any advice please?

    Why would you want to get back with him after all he's done? Sort out yourself and then find someone better, I know he probably made you insecure about yourself, but honestly, you know there's much better guys out there than him. Don't let him bring you down.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    The best thing you can do is to move on and forget him. Trust me, I know this is easier said than done but time will heal your heartbreak and make you a stronger person. He doesn't deserve you and he clearly has no respect for you. This sucks because you appear to be a nice girl who obviously just wants to receive the same love and affection back. He's still immature. Sometimes in life you have to forget those people that bring you negativity. Good luck x

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    The fact you typed all that out and still felt the need to ask the question says it all. Just take him back and accept your life.

    Title of this thread sounds like porn site for god sake.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xpretty_in_pinkx)
    Hi everyone.

    I could really do with a chat or just a friendly ear I think. I am a 23 year old female. When I was in my last year of university, I started to date a guy from back home who I met at the supermarket I worked at. I guess some would say it was meant to go wrong from the start as a week after we started dating, I found out he actually had a fiance with the venue booked and everything. He made her out to be a psycho to me and he essentially dumped her for me.
    This is where you went wrong. Right at the beginning.

    If you want advice. Delete him off facebook. Delete her off facebook. Actually, I would just deactivate your facebook account all together because you will still look him up.

    You cannot do anything. You have to wait because only time and good friends that you can talk to can heal you. Ideally, you would pack your bags and go on a long holiday. However, in the real world people have jobs and etc.

    In the future,when you look at what happened objectively, you are going to realise that you were a fool.

    At the end of the day, you have to understand something, you are also partly to blame. IF you know he is using you and you crawl back....then there isn't really much to say.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Alpharius)
    Women...

    Such ****ing mugs.

    For once in your life, use your brain when considering relationships! A lot of girls need to stop "following their heart" all the time...

    This was a disaster waiting to happen. You say you were used and abused, but this could have been avoided if you used your damn brain.

    Right, putting on my nice face; Kick him out of your life. Permanently.

    Learn from this mistake, next time you're in a **** relationship, engage brain and get the **** out fast.

    He will not change, and will continue to flutter between girls, screwing them over. He is a ****.

    Do not tarnish all men under this slime-balls brush. Take up a hobby that you've wanted to do, but haven't gotten round to yet. It'll take your mind off the situation, and put you in a better place.

    All the best on your teacher training course.
    THIS! I don't even see why anyone would neg him for speaking the absolute truth. What the hell is wrong with you OP?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Dragonfly07)
    OP, I'm around the same age as you and although I've never been in a relationship like yours, my dad was like that.

    My mum was with him for more than 20 years and she left him about a year ago. She found it very difficult to cope with things but there was a book about abusive men in relationships that REALLY helped her when she read it. Not sure if it would help you but if you want it I can PM you what it's called.

    Edit: forgot to mention that a lot of people in your situation don't think that this is abuse, but it essentially does count as abuse in many standards.
    Do you happen to have a book on women abusing men?
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by arkhamz)
    THIS! I don't even see why anyone would neg him for speaking the absolute truth. What the hell is wrong with you OP?
    Some people like sloppy ****ty answers that answer nothing. I speak my mind, and don't give a **** about my rep.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I am not a troll and no i haven't given anyone a neg rep...i just want to get myself out of the rut I am in actually and need support
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xpretty_in_pinkx)
    I am not a troll and no i haven't given anyone a neg rep...i just want to get myself out of the rut I am in actually and need support
    Have you talked to your friends about it? OR have you alienated them?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    First off its good to admit the problem and second off this guy doesn't deserve you and you should never even glance let alone think about this scum. The fact that he is "dating" a 16 year old means he is probably a sicko and maybe a pedophile. You have a lot going for you ; you seem nice, caring ,and are going places with your teaching course. Time and friends and maybe lots of ice cream will help you through this. Focus on your hobbies and your career. Don't let this guy scar you with other guys , not all guys are like this some are great and you meet the right ones when you are not looking. Learn to love yourself and be happy being alone for a little bit. A sabbatical if you will from guys. Good luck with your teaching course and let yourself be happy.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by DorianGrayism)
    Have you talked to your friends about it? OR have you alienated them?

    not i did not alienate them - i just keep myself to myself
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xpretty_in_pinkx)
    not i did not alienate them - i just keep myself to myself
    Well...that is a good thing. Some people cut out their friends because of a relationship. Maybe this is a time not to keep it to you. If you don't want to talk to your friend then you can always use a professional.

    It will take you a long time to get over him. You need to build up your self esteem so you don't have self worth so low that you want to go back such a douche.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by DorianGrayism)
    Well...that is a good thing. Some people cut out their friends because of a relationship. Maybe this is a time not to keep it to you. If you don't want to talk to your friend then you can always use a professional.

    It will take you a long time to get over him. You need to build up your self esteem so you don't have self worth so low that you want to go back such a douche.

    how can i build up my self asteem? Thank you btw
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 3, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brussels sprouts
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.