Not sure what to do (three is a crowd)

About 2 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 months. We were both deeply in love but she was very insecure and had trust issues, thinking that all men were only after one thing (this is due to both her experiences at Uni in her first year and her mother getting into her head due to her own bad experiences). It was quite a one-sided relationship because it was her first and she always wanted me to make the decisions. I was also her first, which was lovely at the time because it meant she trusted me, but now I feel like since we've broken up (even though she broke up with me) that I "stole" her virginity. Anyway, in late January we broke up because she wanted to "focus on Uni", but I later found out from one of her friends that it was because her Mum had got into her head that I was "out of her league" and would just end up cheating on her, and even if I didn't, it was going to have a detrimental effect on her course. Apparently, the exact phrase she used was "What are the chances of the relationship lasting? If it's going to have any effect on your course then it's not worth taking the risk".

Since then, I've moved on, but we don't talk any more. At first we tried to be friends but it was clear it wasn't going to work, because the more she realised she made a mistake the bitchier she got with me, with it culminating with her getting the best results she'd ever gotten at Uni in her winter exams. She was basically angry with herself because she'd spoilt the relationship, but wouldn't admit it to me, so she took it out on me as she knew I was already dating someone else and had slept with a couple of our shared friends in the meantime (drunk rebounds - I'm not proud of it), so I cut all ties with her as far as I could in order to try and not cause her pain in the future.

Anyway, that just kind of sets the scene. The first girl I was dating didn't really work out because I realised I was just trying to get over my girlfriend, but now 2 months on, I'm in a position where 3 girls want to date me. At the moment, I'm dating a really nice girl - we've been on 3 dates and she's lovely, but I'd also be her first boyfriend, and hence her first sexual encounter if it ended up getting that far. She's made it clear to me that she wants to be exclusive, but doesn't know I just got out of a fairly intense (but short) relationship. So far, I'm getting massive deja vu with this girl - she reminds me A LOT of my ex personality wise, and I don't really want to have a repeat of that at the moment. The second girl is a girl on my course who has always had a thing for me and we've been on a date and a night out, but she knows my ex very well and although we have a lot of chemistry, I don't want to seem like I'm rubbing me moving on in my ex's face. She's been in relationships before and is a bit more experienced, but I don't think she's ever slept with someone either, and again, I don't want to feel like I've taken someone's virginity if the relationship isn't going to last - as much as I like them both and would have no intention of the relationships ending if they happened, I wouldn't want them to have any regrets if they did. The 3rd girl is much more experienced and is very sexually liberal (possibly too much) and we haven't been on dates yet per se, but we've been on 3 nights out with shared friends - I kind of feel like she's closer to my mentality than the other girls, and if we did have a relationship it'd be fun and laid back, and a bit more casual than the others (with potential to develop further if we both wanted it), but she's also just recently broken up with her boyfriend of a year and a half, so I'm worried I might be the rebound. At first I thought she was just after me for sex, but we've both realised we have a LOT in common, so that's made the decision harder.

I'm sorry for the long post, but really it's a decision between #1 and #3 because of #2s friendship with my ex. #1 has the potential to be a lovely girlfriend and for it to be a nice relationship if it lasts, but I've become a bit cynical lately and feel like I might be looking for something a bit more casual (#3), but at the same time, I wouldn't want to throw away a chance for a serious relationship with #1 ... just possibly in the future. It's going to come to a head when we get back from Easter because I know 2 of the girls are going to my friends birthday night out (one is going to predrinks and then coming out after, and one is meeting us there). Arrrgghhh!

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Also I know how it looks, but I'm not a "player" type guy at all. I've always been a one woman type of guy, and before my ex I had only slept with 2 girls before her. I've recently gone off the rails a bit after my girlfriend broke up with me, and this hasn't how I've always been. I *am* looking to have a serious relationship, but I feel that I would rather have something casual and 'fun' that could develop into something later rather than start serious from the get go (which is what #1 seems to want). But again, I really like all 3 of them and don't want to make the wrong decision.

Reply 2

scrotgrot

Personally I'd be considering 2 and 3. I don't believe in all this rubbish about you can't date your ex's friends and that, what if you like her, for heaven's sake? To be honest 3 sounds best for you. Have a bit of fun and escape both a girl who is just like your ex and a girl who knows your ex, escape the whole mess.

Reply 3

Jonezy

Jesus, I'm dying to know your secret with the ladies... but seriously, I would choose 3.. Escape all the drama, don't you think you've had enough. I do also agree that if you like someone just go for it, if they make you happy then that's all that matters (taking in other peoples feelings also). Just escape the drama and have fun :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Also, I forgot to mention me and my (best) mate met #3 on the same night. He's very interested in her but she's made it clear (to me at least) that she isn't interested in him, but I'm somewhat worried it could wedge a gap between us.

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I'd say go for number 1. Start fresh with a new girl, but with the same personality as your ex. You obviously loved her personality, and this is your chance, but in a new girl. Go for it. She sounds sweet and I feel this relationship will be very stable. Number 2 forget her, and number 3, remember: bros before hoes. :P So number 1, Go for it! :smile:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

I should clarify, I kind of see that as a negative. While I loved my ex girlfriend, she never communicated with me at all when things were wrong (which I see as been essential to a healthy relationship) - she either ignored a problem until it went away or until it exploded in her face, which is exactly what led to us breaking up and exactly what happened when we tried to be friends after.

#1 always waits for me to initiate contact, but after we have she will talk to me for hours. If I don't send her a text, literally days will go by, until I give in and text her, and she will again spend hours texting me / talking on the phone. I don't know if she thinks I enjoy the "chase" but I definitely do not, and it's probably the main reason I'm considering not getting into a relationship with her.

Not sure what to do (three is a crowd)

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