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Has the 'traditional' approach to dating died? Watch

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    Hello all

    Just something that I have been pondering lately. Just some background info about me. I have lived in a very secluded village for most of my life in which there are hardly any other people who could be regarded as 'young'. As a result, I never went to parties or any other youthful social gatherings as such. However I recently moved to a town sixth form, and have been to my first parties etc. What I saw has kind of shocked me in a way.

    Coming from my admittedly rather sheltered background, I have always had the impression that to gain the affection of a lady and then subsequently end up in a 'relationship' with them, you were meant to get to them at first and then make slow, casual advances as time goes on. And when dates did start, they would be of a traditional kind e.g chats over coffee and going for nice walks. Sadly, I have never been in any kind of romantic relationship, which makes me wonder if such an approach is 'dead'.

    My recent insights into the behaviour of the local youth seem to support this conclusion. My friend for example walked into a party with the sole intention of 'pulling' (and many seem to view women as little more than sexual objects or targets on a ticklist), got drunk, 'got off' with a girl and they are now in a relationship. All this in the space of knowing the lady for one evening. I have tried for nearly 2 years to go for the gentlemanly approach and treat women with respect, but to no avail. Its just kind of frustrating when you see others who treat women like objects 'getting ahead', if you know what I mean. As a somewhat naive country boy, I am confused - is this how men are supposed to try and attract women nowadays?

    Sorry if I sound really idiotic, naive or snobby towards the whole thing. I have tried to be nice but it does not work it seems. I would feel really bad lwoering myself to such depths in order to find a partner, but it seems the only way. Thoughts people?

    Thanks!
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    It's one way. It's certainly not the only way or even the way. Don't let it worry you, just keep being yourself and doing it your way. Then, when you do meet someone then you are likely to have shared values and approach relationships in a similar manner to each other, thus increasing the chances of the relationship lasting.
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    erm dude, i treat women with respect and i sure as hell dont take the slow gentle approach, that way gets you friend zoned.

    Oh and if the guys are treating the women as objects with random one nighters the women are doing the exact same thing, so please dont put them on pedastals
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    I think the traditional way hasn't died. I prefer a guy approaching me that way, rather than just go in and be 'cocky.' I also personally wouldn't ever go out with someone I'd met in a club... I tend to fall for people more who I've worked with or met somewhere outside of a clubbing environment.
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    (Original post by Message)
    Hello all

    Just something that I have been pondering lately. Just some background info about me. I have lived in a very secluded village for most of my life in which there are hardly any other people who could be regarded as 'young'. As a result, I never went to parties or any other youthful social gatherings as such. However I recently moved to a town sixth form, and have been to my first parties etc. What I saw has kind of shocked me in a way.

    Coming from my admittedly rather sheltered background, I have always had the impression that to gain the affection of a lady and then subsequently end up in a 'relationship' with them, you were meant to get to them at first and then make slow, casual advances as time goes on. And when dates did start, they would be of a traditional kind e.g chats over coffee and going for nice walks. Sadly, I have never been in any kind of romantic relationship, which makes me wonder if such an approach is 'dead'.

    My recent insights into the behaviour of the local youth seem to support this conclusion. My friend for example walked into a party with the sole intention of 'pulling' (and many seem to view women as little more than sexual objects or targets on a ticklist), got drunk, 'got off' with a girl and they are now in a relationship. All this in the space of knowing the lady for one evening. I have tried for nearly 20 years to go for the gentlemanly approach and treat women with respect, but to no avail. Its just kind of frustrating when you see others who treat women like objects 'getting ahead', if you know what I mean. As a somewhat naive country boy, I am confused - is this how men are supposed to try and attract women nowadays?

    Sorry if I sound really idiotic, naive or snobby towards the whole thing. I have tried to be nice but it does not work it seems. I would feel really bad lwoering myself to such depths in order to find a partner, but it seems the only way. Thoughts people?

    Thanks!
    Firstly if they are doing it with you they are doing it to you aswell, secondly the girls you have drunken sex with at parties are best left AT the party, not worth the effort, thirdly, you have to make the intention you have with the girl you like crystal clear to her she isn't a mind reader, do so from day one!

    The "traditional" approach as you put, it hasn't died, but you don't want to be their doormat either don't become her errandboy, and remember if the relationship is going nowhere with her, stop yourself from getting upset cut down on contact with her and distract yourself from her.



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    (Original post by Frankster)
    I don't understand the bits in bold? Not being a Maths Nazi but could you clarify what you mean by your gentlemanly approach for 20 years, yet it is presumable to say you're 17-18?
    He probably means two.

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    (Original post by Message)
    However I recently moved to a town sixth form

    I have tried for nearly 20 years
    Eh?
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    I think it has because having casual sex is now seen as normal. 20 years ago if you were going round having one night stands there be a big black mark against your name and youd have gained a reputation, it seems now days if your not going round getting lots of partners your the wierd one!

    also i think girls have become much more forward if they want to get with a guy they go over and do it whereas years ago they didnt. I think its quite a shame and sad that courting seems to have died and jumping into bed with anybody seems to be the in thing to do
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    Chivalry is dead and women killed it. Internet dating has also contributed to creating a monster.

    What women need to understand is that they may hold they key to sexuality, but men are the gatekeepers of commitment. It's easy for girls to find attractive looking regular guy ****, but that can only satisfy for so long.

    It's hard as hell to find committed ****. Some girls are just too tempted by bait (nice car, nice house/flat, good steady job, nice clothes, tall, handsome) and are doomed after they're past the club stage of their life. They usually realise that after they've been screwed over and used by the jerks and señor club douchebag.


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    (Original post by Message)
    Hello all

    Just something that I have been pondering lately. Just some background info about me. I have lived in a very secluded village for most of my life in which there are hardly any other people who could be regarded as 'young'. As a result, I never went to parties or any other youthful social gatherings as such. However I recently moved to a town sixth form, and have been to my first parties etc. What I saw has kind of shocked me in a way.

    Coming from my admittedly rather sheltered background, I have always had the impression that to gain the affection of a lady and then subsequently end up in a 'relationship' with them, you were meant to get to them at first and then make slow, casual advances as time goes on. And when dates did start, they would be of a traditional kind e.g chats over coffee and going for nice walks. Sadly, I have never been in any kind of romantic relationship, which makes me wonder if such an approach is 'dead'.

    My recent insights into the behaviour of the local youth seem to support this conclusion. My friend for example walked into a party with the sole intention of 'pulling' (and many seem to view women as little more than sexual objects or targets on a ticklist), got drunk, 'got off' with a girl and they are now in a relationship. All this in the space of knowing the lady for one evening. I have tried for nearly 20 years to go for the gentlemanly approach and treat women with respect, but to no avail. Its just kind of frustrating when you see others who treat women like objects 'getting ahead', if you know what I mean. As a somewhat naive country boy, I am confused - is this how men are supposed to try and attract women nowadays?

    Sorry if I sound really idiotic, naive or snobby towards the whole thing. I have tried to be nice but it does not work it seems. I would feel really bad lwoering myself to such depths in order to find a partner, but it seems the only way. Thoughts people?

    Thanks!




    You seem to completely dismiss the possibility of women approaching men and come across just as misogynistic as the men you're criticizing.


    What is 'low' about two people meeting at a party, having fun together and ending up in a relationship?
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    (Original post by concubine)
    You seem to completely dismiss the possibility of women approaching men
    What are these mythical creatures?

    Having a woman approach you is the equivalent of finding a shiny Charizard Pokemon card in a pack when you were a kid. Its rare.




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    I wish there were more guys like you, OP You sound lovely and rather dreamy :blushing:

    There are some girls out there who would like that approach to dating. Find those girls! They are probably rare so you'll need to search harder and look further than the typical girls you might find at a party.
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    (Original post by datpiff)
    Chivalry is dead
    No...

    LONG LIVE THE ORDER!
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    Definitely not dead! That's how my relationship with my girlfriend started-friends who met by living close together at uni, I ask her to dinner, we go on more dates, eventually it becomes clear that we're in a relationship. If you're looking for a partner at clubs and 6th form parties, you're looking in the wrong places. Those kinds of events are mainly for fun with friends, and casual sex with people you don't need to see again. Join societies, find people with common interests, and try dating people you meet when they aren't hammered!

    Actually, if you're looking for "a partner" at your age, it's not really the right approach either. Few people are worrying about entering a relationship that they expect to last in 6th form in any case! Have fun, date people and don't be too serious unless there's someone you really click with.
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    You're awesome OP but here's where you're potentially going wrong.

    You're not making your intentions clear from the offset. If you like a girl, just tell her - she won't bite your head off. I do agree that it is best to know the individual quite well before having a relationship with them, especially if you expect it to last. But if you don't flirt or declare your interest in some way - then you're just fighting a losing battle.

    There are many great men out there who just need to take that first step, and make the push towards getting the attention of someone they like. The more guys that pander to an attractive female's every whim and order, the bigger her ego is going to get. You're just creating the perfect environment for rejection.

    No wonder you see some girls who literally have nothing going for them, bagging great men - they rarely have to make an effort! why? Because a lot of good, young men will take anything!

    Everything you're doing to currently get attention/attraction from women - do the complete opposite and take a look at the results you get. I'm not saying you should drop the whole gentlemanly act and treat women like **** - rather add in a tablespoon of vigour in your approach and personality. If she's wasting even an iota of your time, whether that's playing hard to get or whatever...move on to the next.
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    (Original post by Spontogical)
    You're awesome OP but here's where you're potentially going wrong.

    You're not making your intentions clear from the offset. If you like a girl, just tell her - she won't bite your head off. I do agree that it is best to know the individual quite well before having a relationship with them, especially if you expect it to last. But if you don't flirt or declare your interest in some way - then you're just fighting a losing battle.

    There are many great men out there who just need to take that first step, and make the push towards getting the attention of someone they like. The more guys that pander to an attractive female's every whim and order, the bigger her ego is going to get. You're just creating the perfect environment for rejection.

    No wonder you see some girls who literally have nothing going for them, bagging great men - they rarely have to make an effort! why? Because a lot of good, young men will take anything!

    Everything you're doing to currently get attention/attraction from women - do the complete opposite and take a look at the results you get. I'm not saying you should drop the whole gentlemanly act and treat women like **** - rather add in a tablespoon of vigour in your approach and personality. If she's wasting even an iota of your time, whether that's playing hard to get or whatever...move on to the next.

    This is where people fall hard. "You're not making your intentions clear from the offset. If you like a girl, just tell her" By like I assume you mean lust, because that is the only possible thing one can have to another at the offset. It is too soon to judge someone and like them for their higher faculties. And so the only attraction is physical, this is the thing original poster is talking about. Things should be taken slow to see whether you like them for their character rather than their ass.

    As a side note never change who you are for brief pleasures, it is much better to live with dignity knowing your persona is like rock. Than to live like a monkey swinging from side to side wondering when the next banana will come.
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    (Original post by Gray Wolf)
    This is where people fall hard. "You're not making your intentions clear from the offset. If you like a girl, just tell her" By like I assume you mean lust, because that is the only possible thing one can have to another at the offset. It is too soon to judge someone and like them for their higher faculties. And so the only attraction is physical, this is the thing original poster is talking about. Things should be taken slow to see whether you like them for their character rather than their ass.

    As a side note never change who you are for brief pleasures, it is much better to live with dignity knowing your persona is like rock. Than to live like a monkey swinging from side to side wondering when the next banana will come.
    This is true, but then if you don't tell a girl that you fancy her/flirt somehow - you're going to lose in most cases. You can still find out about their character in the meantime, but I think it's important to plant the 'seed' ( :sexface: ) of interest early.

    I do agree with the last paragraph though, :rofl2: made me laugh.
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    traditional men :love:
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    When I was 18 I dated a guy like you. He was lovely and we went for walks, and dates and talked all the time but he was too shy to make a move. So I got drunk and kissed him first. Best of both worlds haha. It didn't work out but whoever ends up with him will be lucky, he was a nice guy if a little shy.
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    (Original post by datpiff)
    What are these mythical creatures?

    Having a woman approach you is the equivalent of finding a shiny Charizard Pokemon card in a pack when you were a kid. Its rare.




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    Had the latter happen to me as a kid.

    Just sayin'. :cool:
 
 
 
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