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    Now before anyone starts moaning, I'm a modern woman and dont expect a bunch of flowers every friday but this situation is really getting to me.

    My boyfriend is 25, I am 21, we have been together happily for 3 years.
    He is very successful, earning around £2200 a month, has his own house, 3 cars and around £20000 in savings

    I have worked since I left school, and am starting uni in sept.
    My parents struggle with money and I give some to them to help the cover bills (still live with my parents).
    I earn at the minute around £600 a month as I'm at college. But I have to travel quite far to college and work so my fuel bill is around 160/month. I have some savings (around 1500, to get me started at uni) and about £400 out standing on a credit card from when I first started college and didnt have a job.
    Before this I worked a full time job earning around £1000/month.

    We have enjoyed a few holidays abroad, always splitting things about 50/50, with myself being more carefree with cash, and always being the first to say "I'll treat".

    But now as money for myself is very tight, I'm getting so annoyed with him being tight!!
    The other day we went to do his food shop, and I needed a toothbrush, his food bill came to around £80, and he put my toothbrush behind one of those next customer please signs on the till so I had to pay myself! (Even the cashier was like WTF?!)
    We mainly use my car to go around, no petrol money ever seen, even on long journeys. If we go in his car 50/50.
    Majority of meals 50/50 or my treat.
    He will happily go and spend 100's on clothes, if I pick up a top to ask his opinion the first thing is "Buy it yourself" "I havent any money" not "that's nice" or "Chuck it with my stuff".
    I'd like to go a cheap holiday before uni, a few months ago I explained to him I'll struggle to get the cash for holiday and spending money so asked if he could put a 100-200 towards my ticket. It was met with a firm "No, I cant afford". He then booked a holiday with work colleagues.
    I've again bought up the holiday situation as he selling one of his cars for around £4000, still no movement on paying some towards my ticket.
    He often says "do you need a loan to till the end of the month" as he knows I sometimes have to put fuel/food on my credit card, but would it be so hard for him to go heres £50 don't worry about it!?
    Theres so many examples on a day to day basis that I just cant think.

    Its really starting to make me resent him, I come from a very humble family, but a family that would give each other their last pound.
    Am I being ridiculous?
    What would you do?
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    Seriously? Why are you still with this guy? It's not about being materialistic, it's realising that being in a relationship usually means sharing and can mean GIVING to the other person, in more ways than just financially but this can't be a good sign for your future...
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    I'm so glad this thread isn't what I thought it was going to be

    OP, talk to him about what you're feeling, I'm sure he'll try to be less 'tight'.
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    No, you're not being ridiculous at all. He being quite selfish and unreasonable. If you're paying 50/50 on petrol when using his car, he should be offering to pay the same for you. Or if you're struggling so much with money and he has more than enough, he should be offering to help you out (especially since you've been together 3 years).

    He's a hypocrite - doesn't think twice about using up your money, but you sure as hell aren't getting anything out of him.

    Have you spoken to him about it? If you haven't, you should definitely start there.
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    Some aspects of that I would agree with but in some bits I think you expect too much.
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    3 years.
    Tell him to GTF, that's not a relationship, that's not even that much of a friendship
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    I understand where you are coming from and I myself believe that sharing is important in a relationship. When I worked and my bf didn't, I paid for our treats and put more towards food, and now he has a job, he helps me out and treats me more often.

    But if your SO was brought up to believe 'what's mine is mine' or 'I'll pay my own way and so should you' then thats how he is comfortable regarding money, end of. By all means sit down and discuss your issues with your partner, but you can't expect him to change the way he treats money if that's how he wants to do things.

    Maybe it's time you found someone with the same values as yourself. Best of luck!
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    What a ****. Tbh he can do what he likes with his money...(personally, does he need 3 cars on a £26,000 salary...), but if he loves you and cares for you, he's not showing it. I think that story about the toothbrush sums it up...what is it, £1?

    He has great earning power relative to yourself..you're off to uni and won't be earning anywhere near £20,000 for at least 3 years. Now, other than this finance stuff, you haven't said anything bad about your relationship. But he has a lot of savings and assets and 2 or 3 hundred pounds shouldn't seem like much. Yes, you could run off without paying him back but he should trust you and invest in a holiday with you.

    He's being extremely stingy and I don't know, but with such great variations in your income, added to the fact that this man is stingy, likely to be earning more and more over the next 3 years, is this relationship gonna work? I think you should have a sit down with him and talk. Just be straight with him because I can only see this income gap being a problem if he isn't willing to budge on the occasional expense or help out on the odd occasion.
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    It's not even about the money, if he is going to expect you to contribute for his expense but not contribute himself when your at an expense that's ridiculous. That's just the basic notion of being fair In a relationship, if he doesn't want to change his way with money he doesn't have to, but shouldn't expect different in return.


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    £2200 a month and he has 3 cars?

    What's going on?
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    1. Stop treating him to stuff if you're skint.

    2. Consider what would happen if you two moved in together and/or got married. If this attitude continues then I really can't see the appeal in being with someone who draws a firm line down everything and marks it 'mine' and 'yours'.
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    You need to put on a new pair of glasses and look at your relationship in a different perspective. 3 years together and he can't buy you a toothbrush? He won't treat you to dinner once in a while? I get the whole 50/50 thing and contributing to the relationship financially but to me this looks like he's leaching off of you even though he earns way more than you do and he knows it. You would probably save way more money if you were single ( since he doesn't even contribute to fuel for car rides wtf?)

    I''d rather be with a poorer guy with a kind and generous heart who supports me than with a rich guy who won't treat you nicely but will splurge on his own clothes.

    Ask yourself "Are you happy?" "Do you see a happy future with this guy?"
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    I think your right and wrong.

    I think your right that its insane he wont buy your bloody toothbrush! i regulary buy my boyfrined his essentials or buy him something id think hed like when im out, we always go in my car and ill give him lifts for nights out or pick him and his friends up from clubs and in return hell pay for dinner. so its a give and take he likes to buy me meals out so i like to buy him treats but like you said if i had a small item he'd just pay for it.


    However I dont think its fair for you to ask for him to put money towards your ticket on holiday, unfortuntaly if you cant afford to go you cant go its just fact, its like id love to go to glastonbury this year but i wont expect my boyfriend to pay towards it. We've booked a spa weekend in warwickshire for 2 weeks time and it was only £100 each.

    however i think hes being really tight and it is unfair
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    I'm more generous with people that aren't even close friends.


    This guy sounds awesome.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Its really starting to make me resent him, I come from a very humble family, but a family that would give each other their last pound.
    Am I being ridiculous?
    What would you do?
    WOW! Reading that I almost feel like he is just using you! :/ I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years, after 2 years we moved in together and shared all our income together really. I know this will be different for everyone but him knowing you are low on money and still not even pay for your toothbrush is just disgusting in my opinion. Surely if he cares for you, loves you and wants to be with you he would help you out? If he gets 2200 a month and regularly books a holiday he obviously does have the money.

    I can only speak from my own experience and how it worked out for me but I would talk to him about it.
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    Just because one gives, does not mean one should expect to receive. Although, it does sounds like a weird situation...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Now before anyone starts moaning, I'm a modern woman and dont expect a bunch of flowers every friday but this situation is really getting to me.

    My boyfriend is 25, I am 21, we have been together happily for 3 years.
    He is very successful, earning around £2200 a month, has his own house, 3 cars and around £20000 in savings

    I have worked since I left school, and am starting uni in sept.
    My parents struggle with money and I give some to them to help the cover bills (still live with my parents).
    I earn at the minute around £600 a month as I'm at college. But I have to travel quite far to college and work so my fuel bill is around 160/month. I have some savings (around 1500, to get me started at uni) and about £400 out standing on a credit card from when I first started college and didnt have a job.
    Before this I worked a full time job earning around £1000/month.

    We have enjoyed a few holidays abroad, always splitting things about 50/50, with myself being more carefree with cash, and always being the first to say "I'll treat".

    But now as money for myself is very tight, I'm getting so annoyed with him being tight!!
    The other day we went to do his food shop, and I needed a toothbrush, his food bill came to around £80, and he put my toothbrush behind one of those next customer please signs on the till so I had to pay myself! (Even the cashier was like WTF?!)
    We mainly use my car to go around, no petrol money ever seen, even on long journeys. If we go in his car 50/50.
    Majority of meals 50/50 or my treat.
    He will happily go and spend 100's on clothes, if I pick up a top to ask his opinion the first thing is "Buy it yourself" "I havent any money" not "that's nice" or "Chuck it with my stuff".
    I'd like to go a cheap holiday before uni, a few months ago I explained to him I'll struggle to get the cash for holiday and spending money so asked if he could put a 100-200 towards my ticket. It was met with a firm "No, I cant afford". He then booked a holiday with work colleagues.
    I've again bought up the holiday situation as he selling one of his cars for around £4000, still no movement on paying some towards my ticket.
    He often says "do you need a loan to till the end of the month" as he knows I sometimes have to put fuel/food on my credit card, but would it be so hard for him to go heres £50 don't worry about it!?
    Theres so many examples on a day to day basis that I just cant think.

    Its really starting to make me resent him, I come from a very humble family, but a family that would give each other their last pound.
    Am I being ridiculous?
    What would you do?
    I'm surprised that you've lived happily for 3 years! What does your boyfriend do? Maybe you could follow in his footsteps but apart from that leave him.
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    The real problem here appears to be equitable treatment as much as anything else. If he wants totally separate finances then he should be as good about refusing to let you pay for him as he is about refusing to pay for you. For example, if he expects you to chip in on petrol money in his car then not offering to do the same in your car is incredibly rude and very unfair.

    I suggest you sit down with him and let him know that this is happening and that you both need to start treating each other equally, either by him becoming more generous or you becoming less so.

    Although I do share the concern of one of the other posters above about the fact that, after 3 years your relationship isn't at the stage where he can throw in one or two cheap items into his big shop if you are in the supermarket together. That doesn't sound like a particularly good place to be.
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    (Original post by American Vampire)
    After reading the title, not exactly what I expected, but...
    Same here ahaa

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