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Why do I get emotionally attached to girls so easily? Watch

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    I'm back in this ****ty state of mind again. I suppose it's partly because I've never had much contact with girls (I've sort of been living like a hermit for a year or two, for unavoidable reasons). This one girl that I do know at the moment - when I think objectively, I don't like her personality at all and she's not that good-looking... but I'm helplessly attracted to her. This has happened once before, around which time I started taking meds for depression.

    I hate myself for being so pathetic, how can I stop feeling like this? I get the impression that I'll only lose this 'need to love' when I eventually do have someone who loves me, and this in itself makes me further depressed.
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    I know what its like, that 2nd paragraph sums me up to a T, don't let it get to you though, that would be awful

    People have told me that people I've liked in the past aren't good looking, its not all about looks at the end of the day, and personality might be your key to success here - if you can convince yourself you don't like her remind yourself why when you start thinking about her, it'll get you though it eventually and it'll become your new mindset and you'll enjoy being single again

    Does she know you like her?
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    Hey bro

    just wanted to let you know that you're not alone as I'm in a similar situation here.


    I can't offer a cure as I simply don't know but pm me if you wanna talk it out.
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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unkIVvjZc9Y
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    Come to think of it, my intense emotional attachment to a girl came to an impasse whilst I was taking anti-depressants. They clearly screwed with my head. I'm still attracted to her a great deal, and wouldn't say no, but it isn't an uncontrollable attraction like it once was. The fact I had such an intense attraction to her also made me awkward when normally, I'm quite laid back.

    Makes ya think what these things do to people...
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    Same situation , I'm not in a position to be picky ....... Yet.

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I suppose it's partly because I've never had much contact with girls (I've sort of been living like a hermit for a year or two, for unavoidable reasons).
    You've pretty much answered your question here. Once you meet the woman of your dreams, and/or get ****ed over by her these feelings are easier to recognise, and easier to deal with.



    :indiff:
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    It means you don't see them like a dog seas a chair leg, only to be humped and moved on from, 'till next time. It means you are what men used to be, be proud of that.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks for the replies.

    (Original post by notsoknown)
    I know what its like, that 2nd paragraph sums me up to a T, don't let it get to you though, that would be awful

    People have told me that people I've liked in the past aren't good looking, its not all about looks at the end of the day, and personality might be your key to success here - if you can convince yourself you don't like her remind yourself why when you start thinking about her, it'll get you though it eventually and it'll become your new mindset and you'll enjoy being single again

    Does she know you like her?
    I don't think so. I thought she showed signs of interest before, but I told myself she was just being friendly (as I was wrong on such a case before...). I've also seen a manipulative side of her with another guy, which made me weary and try to control myself. But I think when you care about someone, you will and hope for them to change for the better, which I guess makes it difficult to let go based on her imperfections.

    (Original post by Flibble22)
    Come to think of it, my intense emotional attachment to a girl came to an impasse whilst I was taking anti-depressants. They clearly screwed with my head. I'm still attracted to her a great deal, and wouldn't say no, but it isn't an uncontrollable attraction like it once was. The fact I had such an intense attraction to her also made me awkward when normally, I'm quite laid back.

    Makes ya think what these things do to people...
    I think meds helped me a lot in that respect too. It makes me wonder though if my mind is just completely abnormal; whether the (relative) emotional detachment and stability I felt whilst on meds was what 'normal' people are meant to feel.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the replies.



    I don't think so. I thought she showed signs of interest before, but I told myself she was just being friendly (as I was wrong on such a case before...). I've also seen a manipulative side of her with another guy, which made me weary and try to control myself. But I think when you care about someone, you will and hope for them to change for the better, which I guess makes it difficult to let go based on her imperfections.



    I think meds helped me a lot in that respect too. It makes me wonder though if my mind is just completely abnormal; whether the (relative) emotional detachment and stability I felt whilst on meds was what 'normal' people are meant to feel.
    I probably worded my response wrong - what I meant to say was that I was *more* emotionally unstable/liable to get attached easily when I was on them. The difference between now and back then is like night and day. I must be very sensitive to such things...
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    It's not your fault that you find someone attractive and it's not pathetic either. It's just who you are and once you embrace it you wont have a problem, then the depression will stop and you realize that life isn't that bad.
    Love hits you sideways so you don't need to look for it and it'll surprise you in the best way imaginable
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    You're not alone, a lot of people, including me, feel this way. I'm afraid there is no easy of getting over it.

    I felt I was hopelessly "in love" with this guy, who in my mind was perfect, but like you said, some part of me knew he wasn't all that in terms of looks and personality. He was all I could think about every moment of everyday. What I felt for him was all consuming, and making me feel miserable. I was angry at him for not reciprocating my feelings, and angry at my upbrigning because I felt if I had a normal childhood I wouldn't be feeling this way. It got to the point where it started affect my grades, my interests and my relationships with family and friends.

    It took me a good few years, and a of tears, heartache and depression, to realise that I was doing this to myself. He had no control over me. My childhood had no control over me. I was choosing to think about him all the time. I had subconsciously chosen to believe that my life was meaningless without him. Once I realised that, it was seemed silly that I fantasised about being in a relationship with him when I knew for a fact that thinking about him I was making myself miserable. I had previously tried forcing myself to stop thinking about him several times, but it was to no avail. The realisation that I was doing this to myself helped me easily push thoughts about him to the back of my mind every time they came up, and I chose not to believe that I needed him and I stopped sad about him not being a part of my life. I think this is the premise of CBT as well. Your situation doesn't affect your mood, but rather you reaction affects it. You can't always control your circumstances, but you can alter the way you choose to feel about it. Overtime the thoughts about him became less and less frequent, and eventually disappeared.

    I hope this made sense and that it helps you in some way too. PM or quote me if you want to talk
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm back in this ****ty state of mind again. I suppose it's partly because I've never had much contact with girls (I've sort of been living like a hermit for a year or two, for unavoidable reasons). This one girl that I do know at the moment - when I think objectively, I don't like her personality at all and she's not that good-looking... but I'm helplessly attracted to her. This has happened once before, around which time I started taking meds for depression.

    I hate myself for being so pathetic, how can I stop feeling like this? I get the impression that I'll only lose this 'need to love' when I eventually do have someone who loves me, and this in itself makes me further depressed.
    I think it's indicative of low-self-esteem.

    You just have to wait for someone who can understand you, if you try to date some girls who may not necessarily have any experience with depression they will (alot of the time) just be freaked out by yours, however if you find someone similar it will fall into place trust me, just gotta wait, and I know its cliche but it comes when you least expect it, it did for me and I never thought it would, dont wanna jynx it but yeah, good luck bro, remember life is an endless, beautiful unfoldment; for here we are in this impossible situation, aimlessly wondering around this giant rock just a' floatin' around the universe

    We're falling through space, you and me. Clinging on to the skin of this tiny world, the human condition is to be perplexed, it is to be bewildered, and sometimes its to hopelessly and longingly yearn for something to fill a void that exists within us, maybe we think love can fill it, but even love doesn't have the power too. The void is filled in by you, remember this; this is the best advice you will ever hear.

    The universe that exists externally, you cannot change, instead focus on your internal universe, if you can change that, you can change the universe. The eyes we see through define the world we see. What we put out we receive. The laws of causality make this inevitable, if you put out fear, solitude and silence (you mentioned being a hermit) this life and all that comes with it will confound you. You create your life, every day with each breath and each word, and each thought you shape the very dendrites of your brain.

    You shape the universe you see...

    Mould yourself a paradise, and you will find it my friend, you will
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    I think i have a problem every girl ive been with in or out of a relashonship i still kinda care about , i use other women to get over them but when that ends im back to square one , ive been told i have attachment issues but im not sure , when im on my own i overthink things about them and gat angry , when i break up with them at first im angry for about ten minuites then look forward to the singal life , yet when i meet someone im fine untill it seams like its going somewhere it goes bad then all i can do is think about everyone ive ever been with , i dont think its insacurity as anyone would say im the most big headed pearson theve ever met but currently seeing someone ive known for almost a year and its getting physical , cant stop thinking about her yet i miss her entensly when we dont speak and let bad thiught make me angry and over think
 
 
 
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