Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Ex boyfriend has asked me to come out, i'm getting confused with him now..? Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Little insight on us and things --- my ex boyfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago (due to feelings not being as deep, but wants to stay friends.) It want a bad break up and he was also my first boyfriend.
    The 1st month was a little crazy due to raw feelings,confusion, uni and stress from both of us.
    I didn't really understand much about the whole break up,him or the whole truth till i saw him on 13th march.

    We both had a nice catch up, then spoke about the whole thing and he said that he's moved on(not as in another women)and he just also told me everything i wanted to know from him.
    After i saw him i didn't really speak to him for a couple weeks, as i thought i should just move on now and not think of him as a boyfriend anymore.

    So after not speaking to him for 2-3, i decided to see how he was doing as we both have a 2 week easter break from uni.
    and last friday i asked him to let me know what days he's free(as he agreed before easter to meet up)
    But he then suddenly turned cold and was being rude for no reason..

    So i just stopped talking to him and he messaged me lastnight about 2am asking if i wanna do something next week.

    I said alright, but I'm just confused :/ One minute he's acting fine and we're getting alone and slowing becomes friends again.
    but then sometimes he'll randomly be rude for no reason and comes across as he don't care..:/

    I find that when he hangs out with his uni friends, he turns into this rude person and acts like he don't care about anything till something bad happens and He also seems like he's changing himself to fit in with them(as im not the only one who thinks this either)
    but when he's home he talks fine to me, asks to see me and things like that.

    I just wonder Why he's acting hot and cold?
    and should i see him next week?

    p.s. i dont want him back as a boyfriend or just completely cut him out my life.
    i just was him as a friend(like we was before we got together) and as he said we're be.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    For your sake, i'd honestly just back away. You're always going to have some kind of emotions for him, being your first boyfriend.

    My ex was exactly the same, when he was around friends from him culture, he'd speak down to me, treat me like i was his slave and a piece of dirt, not wanting to be near me. Yet when he was away from them, he would be a nice normal guy. It was just too confusing as it was like living with two different people, one minute he would be the perfect boyfriend, next point he would be distant and cold, acting like he barely knew me.

    Eventually you get too fed up of it and damn confused, we tried the whole "let's be friends thing" but it didn't work, he'd still be like two different people, eventually it got to the point where i was ending every sentence with I hate that ***%$^." Just stay away from him, find your own circle and spend your time off with them.

    Give yourself time and you won't even want to communicate anymore. It's better to back away now and just leave the friendship. There is a reason why the classic line of "never go back" is there, even if it's just being friends. Me and my ex were great friends before we went out and i do miss him as a friend, but it just doesn't work.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I'm sorry to be harsh, but I think it's impossible for you to be friends after such a messy break up.

    I was best friends with my ex boyfriend. We then got together, and were each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend. We broke up on messy terms; he cheated on me, and used it as an excuse to break up with me. I wanted to stay friends, and we tried. It was stupid, we went through similar situations as you. We went days/weeks without talking, and thinking everything was weird then tried talking etc. But there was just so much confusion and rudeness etc. In the end we had an even messier 'breakup'. I then realised my feelings still lingered, and he had kind of the same, but mainly just used me to get sex. I think he wanted all the feelings of a relationship, without being in one. Eurgh, that doesn't really make sense.

    But basically, I seriously wished I just had broken off all terms with him so I could have a clean break from him. Maybe afterwards we could have been friends again. But instead we just had a major falling out, and he's clean from my life. And it does upset me now. He was a good friend, **** boyfriend, but it would be nice to have a friend like that again.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by rockielayta)
    For your sake, i'd honestly just back away. You're always going to have some kind of emotions for him, being your first boyfriend.

    My ex was exactly the same, when he was around friends from him culture, he'd speak down to me, treat me like i was his slave and a piece of dirt, not wanting to be near me. Yet when he was away from them, he would be a nice normal guy. It was just too confusing as it was like living with two different people, one minute he would be the perfect boyfriend, next point he would be distant and cold, acting like he barely knew me.

    Eventually you get too fed up of it and damn confused, we tried the whole "let's be friends thing" but it didn't work, he'd still be like two different people, eventually it got to the point where i was ending every sentence with I hate that ***%$^." Just stay away from him, find your own circle and spend your time off with them.

    Give yourself time and you won't even want to communicate anymore. It's better to back away now and just leave the friendship. There is a reason why the classic line of "never go back" is there, even if it's just being friends. Me and my ex were great friends before we went out and i do miss him as a friend, but it just doesn't work.
    This is true.
    My situation isn't as bad as yours and he has only been rude to me twice since the meet up.
    which was moaning i was trying to see him when he was busy and wanting to know what i was wanting from him, but i have been thinking of backing away :/

    I guess though if he really wants me in his life he'll soon realise what he's doing!
    the thing is, Is i dont really want to just delete him from my life though.
    It's a hard one.
    I know that if he was to puck up, i think we would work as friends, because it really wasnt bad and like i've said he's only been rude twice.
    and i think he realised he was rude friday.
    but i just dont know...

    Oh and also, my friend who i always spent time with is now in his class and hangs with him and i dont want to lose her friendship if i decide to not be his.
    because she wants us to also sort it out, but she knows thats its partly him that needs to do it.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mother_Russia)
    I'm sorry to be harsh, but I think it's impossible for you to be friends after such a messy break up.

    I was best friends with my ex boyfriend. We then got together, and were each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend. We broke up on messy terms; he cheated on me, and used it as an excuse to break up with me. I wanted to stay friends, and we tried. It was stupid, we went through similar situations as you. We went days/weeks without talking, and thinking everything was weird then tried talking etc. But there was just so much confusion and rudeness etc. In the end we had an even messier 'breakup'. I then realised my feelings still lingered, and he had kind of the same, but mainly just used me to get sex. I think he wanted all the feelings of a relationship, without being in one. Eurgh, that doesn't really make sense.

    But basically, I seriously wished I just had broken off all terms with him so I could have a clean break from him. Maybe afterwards we could have been friends again. But instead we just had a major falling out, and he's clean from my life. And it does upset me now. He was a good friend, **** boyfriend, but it would be nice to have a friend like that again.
    ahh sorry to hear that he cheated, and yeah i get where you coming from.

    its so hard for me never been through this or lost a friend. so i dont want to remove him from my life :/
    i dont want to do anything with him either so would never think of sleeping with him if he tried.
    plus i got told by his brother that he's stressed at the moment, so maybe thats why hes being a ****...i dunno.

    but i was planning on just meeting up with him this one last time and see what happens, and if its awkward or he acts like a ****, i will just walk away.
    im just so confused -_-

    thank you for you reply
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by art127)
    ahh sorry to hear that he cheated, and yeah i get where you coming from.

    its so hard for me never been through this or lost a friend. so i dont want to remove him from my life :/
    i dont want to do anything with him either so would never think of sleeping with him if he tried.
    plus i got told by his brother that he's stressed at the moment, so maybe thats why hes being a ****...i dunno.

    but i was planning on just meeting up with him this one last time and see what happens, and if its awkward or he acts like a ****, i will just walk away.
    im just so confused -_-

    thank you for you reply
    Meet up with him one more time, and see what he's like. But I would seriously stress to give yourselves a break from each other. Maybe he's the one that needs a break. Feelings do linger.

    And then after 2-3 months, arrange to meet up and see how you feel. You won't lose anything in 3 months.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mother_Russia)
    Meet up with him one more time, and see what he's like. But I would seriously stress to give yourselves a break from each other. Maybe he's the one that needs a break. Feelings do linger.

    And then after 2-3 months, arrange to meet up and see how you feel. You won't lose anything in 3 months.
    Yeah think i'll do this then, i dont see the harm in a casual meet up, but i just have to wait for him to arrange it now as he's the one who's asked and im not wanting to ask.
    so yeah i'll just see how he is if we go out lol
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by art127)
    Yeah think i'll do this then, i dont see the harm in a casual meet up, but i just have to wait for him to arrange it now as he's the one who's asked and im not wanting to ask.
    so yeah i'll just see how he is if we go out lol
    good luck with it all. I wish it goes better than my experience!
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 5, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brussels sprouts
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.