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    I'm 18, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and I love him very much. Never had he been violent towards me before. He's always had a bad temper, if he get's angry he has to be left alone to really cool off or punch a wall or something, but it was never like treading on eggshells because I always made him feel better and calmed him down. I didn't really mind it, it was just something about him I had to accept, but lately things have become worse. Before he used to get in this angry state about big things, like if someone was insulting him or me, and when he found out his sisters boyfriend was having an affair, and that's fair enough. But the things he gets angry about now are much smaller: if something isn't working, if theres nothing on Tv, sometimes he just wakes up like it. I've just been putting up.
    Last other day his friend died. They were very close, and I was comforting him, trying to cheer him up, I made him his favorite food, and he threw the plate on the floor and slapped me across the face, hard too. And when I got upset he said it was my fault for thinking something as pathetic food was going to cheer him up at a time like this.
    He's a different person to me now but I can't be without him. Do you think he was just having a hard time and I should give him another chance? I really don't think I can be without him, he's like an extension of me now, I don't know anything different, I can't imagine myself with anyone else which makes me think he's the "one". I just don't know what to do, I feel very trapped. Please help. This was 3 days ago and he's acting like nothing happened.
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    Get rid of him, sounds like a **** who needs a spank and a lovely trip to anger management class.

    I know you care for him, but he can't treat you like ****, especially hit you. That was out of order, there is a line so where does it draw? A punch in the face? Or you going to let him off with that?

    Again, get rid of him until he deals with his issues.
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    He's hit you once, he will hit you again.


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    You can't let him get away with it,otherwise it may happen again. He has a problem with his anger and this needs to be sorted. Otherwise it will continue and get worse,if he won't listen,I honestly would leave so he can realise.
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    He's going through a really tough time at the moment, but there's absolutely no excuse for him to take it out on you, and in such a violent manner as well.

    Completely unacceptable. I'd give him a wide berth, indeed. The fact that you were trying to help him, and then he hit you for attempting to comfort him? Has he absolutely no respect for you?

    I would make sure that you didn't let this one slide. I'd bring it up with him, and if he didn't apologise immediately and promise never to do it again, I would leave him. If he ever tries to hit you again, I'd leave him.

    Sorry this has happened to you.
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    Leave now, and don't go back. I bet a lot of people who end up blood and bruised because they've given second chances to their partners would tell you the exact same thing.

    He hasn't even apologised. Ditch him. And tell him to go **** himself for good measure.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 18, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and I love him very much. Never had he been violent towards me before. He's always had a bad temper, if he get's angry he has to be left alone to really cool off or punch a wall or something, but it was never like treading on eggshells because I always made him feel better and calmed him down. I didn't really mind it, it was just something about him I had to accept, but lately things have become worse. Before he used to get in this angry state about big things, like if someone was insulting him or me, and when he found out his sisters boyfriend was having an affair, and that's fair enough. But the things he gets angry about now are much smaller: if something isn't working, if theres nothing on Tv, sometimes he just wakes up like it. I've just been putting up.
    Last other day his friend died. They were very close, and I was comforting him, trying to cheer him up, I made him his favorite food, and he threw the plate on the floor and slapped me across the face, hard too. And when I got upset he said it was my fault for thinking something as pathetic food was going to cheer him up at a time like this.
    He's a different person to me now but I can't be without him. Do you think he was just having a hard time and I should give him another chance? I really don't think I can be without him, he's like an extension of me now, I don't know anything different, I can't imagine myself with anyone else which makes me think he's the "one". I just don't know what to do, I feel very trapped. Please help. This was 3 days ago and he's acting like nothing happened.
    Dump him, there is no need for violence in any relationship
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    Get rid of him. The warning sign for me is he said it was 'your fault'. In no way was this your fault, it was his and if you stay it will get worse and he'll continually blame it on you. this is how abusive relationships start and the abused person ends up too scared to leave, so do it now while you can

    While i say this thought, maybe try and help him get help on anger management as well
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    How can girls stay with guys like these, it just doesn't make sense.
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    You have to get away from him. This will only escalate until he can seek help on his own. Being in a relationship like this will crush your spirit.
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    He's probably a bit emotionally unstable right now because of the death of his friend, however violence isn't good in any relationship so you should probably leave him. He needs to grieve and come to terms with his friends death.
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    In your position, I would just walk away.

    However I do believe in second chances. You must realise that this is a big deal and many people wouldn't give him the time of day.

    If you want to find a way to give him one more chance then go and see him - he must apologise unreservedly and without prompting, acknowledging 100% of the blame. If not, don't waste your time.

    If you don't want to give him another chance, that's entirely sensible and understandable. I take from the fact that you've made a thread about it that it isn't as clear cut in your mind as "just walk away."
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    There seem to be a lot of comments saying that it will no doubt get worse and he'll keep hitting you.

    That's nonsense - it seems like he just snapped because of the tough time he's going through. I wouldn't imagine that he'll do it again, at least not after he's more emotionally stable.

    You shouldn't leave him because of what he might do in the future. You should leave him because he hit you.
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    I think you should leave him. Relationships that have violence in it, even just once can crush peoples confidence and lower your self esteem (I know this from experience) What he did was not in any way your fault.
    I understand he is mourning for his best friend but he is however an adult and should restrain himself from using violence.
    I think you should take the opportunity now and leave.
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    No doubt he has some internal strife.

    Try and talk to him with someone to arbitrate the situation (if you feel it necessariy) there's absolutely no reason to end it with the person you've invested two years of your life with though over one nemetic outburst. If this continues seek help, otherwise sort it out with him. He likely feels like a complete *******.
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    Dump him. Only weasels hit their partners!
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    you need to speak to him about the slap, tell him how upset and worried you are and see what he says. if he ignores you or gets very angry then get some distance from him for a while till he comes down and then speak to him again and make it clear that this cannot happen again.
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    I've been there... But that means I know exactly how you can make it seem small in your head, and let yourself believe that it's not a big deal. The thing is it's a slippery slop; he has anger management issues that aren't just going to go away.

    If he's hit you now, and you do nothing, he will do so again. I would suggest leaving him, but I know it's not necessarily that simple to you at the moment. If you don't want to do this, at least explain that what he did was not acceptable, and tell him that if he doesn't seek help for his anger you are going to leave him for your own safety.

    I don't know you or him, so I obviously can't comment on your personalities, all I can do is give some general advice based on my own experience.
    It started off similar with me and my ex. We'd been together a year or so before he his me the first time; he managed to convince me I was to blame, and in the end I was begging for forgiveness. It just slowly escalated from there, until it got fairly serious.

    Address the problem at least, but I do suggest leaving him. If you are "meant to be" and he loves you, he will run straight to anger management therapy in order to win you back.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 18, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and I love him very much. Never had he been violent towards me before. He's always had a bad temper, if he get's angry he has to be left alone to really cool off or punch a wall or something, but it was never like treading on eggshells because I always made him feel better and calmed him down. I didn't really mind it, it was just something about him I had to accept, but lately things have become worse. Before he used to get in this angry state about big things, like if someone was insulting him or me, and when he found out his sisters boyfriend was having an affair, and that's fair enough. But the things he gets angry about now are much smaller: if something isn't working, if theres nothing on Tv, sometimes he just wakes up like it. I've just been putting up.
    Last other day his friend died. They were very close, and I was comforting him, trying to cheer him up, I made him his favorite food, and he threw the plate on the floor and slapped me across the face, hard too. And when I got upset he said it was my fault for thinking something as pathetic food was going to cheer him up at a time like this.
    He's a different person to me now but I can't be without him. Do you think he was just having a hard time and I should give him another chance? I really don't think I can be without him, he's like an extension of me now, I don't know anything different, I can't imagine myself with anyone else which makes me think he's the "one". I just don't know what to do, I feel very trapped. Please help. This was 3 days ago and he's acting like nothing happened.
    Hi
    I am really sorry to hear about what has been happening to you in your relationship. This is abuse and is not acceptable. There are also no excuses for this behaviour, no matter what someone is going through, there is never a justification for violence.
    Anger is a common excuse for abusive behaviour but that is all it is - an excuse. Anger management is not the best solution as people who use abuse in relationships need to take accountability and responsibility for their actions, not just learn how to control anger better.

    I am concerned as it sounds like the abuse is getting worse and this is unlikely to change. I know that you feel he is the one, and you can't imagine being with anyone else. Those feelings are so strong it is hard to imagine life without that person, but, you deserve to be treated with love and respect. There are many other guys out there who will treat you properly, and although it may not feel like it now, you will be able to move on and be with someone else.

    Have a look at this site as it may help you: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/
    If you do decide to end the relationship it is really important to stay safe and not to end it on your own. This site also contains tips for keeping safe if you decide to stay with him: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/

    None of this is your fault, and there are lots of organisations that can support you. You deserve to be happy. Come back here anytime if you need a chat,
    take care
    jo
 
 
 
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