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I can't let go of my unrequited love and it is killing me ... watch

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    I have been in love with a close female friend for almost a year. I have tried to get involved with other women, but i just don't get the spark i get with this girl, that or i get rejected

    I have obviously told her of my true feelings (despite people telling me that it was a very bad idea to do so)


    I have tried minimising contact but it makes no odds. I want to move on but I seem unable to do so. I am worried I am going to spend the rest of my life alone because I cannot get her out of my head or heart and I have even tried counselling. I simply adore her and would die for her. (yes i know that makes it seem like i've put her on a pedistal, but it's true)

    Before any of you say "look for her flaws" i already have done that, and i still love her despite those flaws

    I know she doesn't feel the same way (she has a boyfriend so) and I am trying to accept that, I also can't imagine life without her as my friend. I don't know what to do. I know I should probably give her up, i already am distanced from her (she attends another uni)

    This thing is eating me up from the inside out, even she has admitted that i prob could have gotten with someone by now if i had just let her go

    What makes it annoying and even more hurtful is that i kinda introduced him to her (at that point in time i had no idea of my true feelings for her)

    I don't know what to do.
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    Hi

    I would advise you to let her go, and minimise contact. You said that you introduce her now boyfriend, but don't you think if she felt the same way about you she would have never got with her boyfriend? Also am sure if she didn't get with that boyfriend she would have eventually found another.

    As she doesn't have feelings for you... There is pretty much nothing you can do. It harsh but true, also you don't want to cause problems between her & her bf.

    Am really sorry that your feeling this way, but please try and move on - your not the first person to be in this position and you won't be the last. Best thing you can do is get on with life.
    • #2
    #2

    I've been in this situation a few times. Every time, I've got over it by doing a combination of the following:

    • Trying to engross myself in academics / sport / hobbies
    • Deleting all aspects of her from my life
    • Being around friends
    • Meeting new people
    • Watching 'Swingers'


    I know you've been told most of this before. I also found it helpful to think to myself 'in 5/10 years time I won't feel like this'. Work on goals you can achieve in that time frame.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been in this situation a few times. Every time, I've got over it by doing a combination of the following:

    • Trying to engross myself in academics / sport / hobbies
    • Deleting all aspects of her from my life
    • Being around friends
    • Meeting new people
    • Watching 'Swingers'


    I know you've been told most of this before. I also found it helpful to think to myself 'in 5/10 years time I won't feel like this'. Work on goals you can achieve in that time frame.
    There is a problem though, it's affective my uni work somehow ... not quite sure how, but it affects me in some way, thing is i'm capable of putting on a facade when around her bf (we are still mates despite him knowing) but secretly part of me wants to shout at him and say that i she is meant to be with me not him (ofc i know that isn't true, cos if she was meant to be with me, she'd be with me)
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    There is a problem though, it's affective my uni work somehow ... not quite sure how, but it affects me in some way, thing is i'm capable of putting on a facade when around her bf (we are still mates despite him knowing) but secretly part of me wants to shout at him and say that i she is meant to be with me not him (ofc i know that isn't true, cos if she was meant to be with me, she'd be with me)

    The more you mention about this, the more it sounds exactly like an experience I had at uni. I was friends with this girl and introduced her to another friend of mine. Then later in the year started having feelings for her just at the same time as he did. He asked her out and on their first date, came round to my room first to borrow my coat (because he didn't have a smart one), which really pissed me off.

    It was really hurtful at the time, watching their relationship grow, and also having to act as 'confidante' to them both. They broke up, and I told both how I felt (but she said no, obviously) , but then they got together again, this time behind my back.

    Anyway, it really damaged my year at uni - I used to spend a lot of time in my room because of it. I regret not doing other things. If I had, my memory of that time might be more positive, despite the fact that it didn't work out with the girl I liked.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The more you mention about this, the more it sounds exactly like an experience I had at uni. I was friends with this girl and introduced her to another friend of mine. Then later in the year started having feelings for her just at the same time as he did. He asked her out and on their first date, came round to my room first to borrow my coat (because he didn't have a smart one), which really pissed me off.

    It was really hurtful at the time, watching their relationship grow, and also having to act as 'confidante' to them both. They broke up, and I told both how I felt (but she said no, obviously) , but then they got together again, this time behind my back.

    Anyway, it really damaged my year at uni - I used to spend a lot of time in my room because of it. I regret not doing other things. If I had, my memory of that time might be more positive, despite the fact that it didn't work out with the girl I liked.
    glad to see i'm not the only one that has been in this sneario, but it REALLY pains me to see them together, the amounf of times i've just been filled with rage and jealously, my feelings for her are the strongest feelings i've ever had for a girl
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    Also one thing i should add, there have been a few times where we've been talking and she has actually offered to dump her bf and go on a date with me (after me saying that there would only be one thing that could make things better, took every fibre of my being to decline that offer) was i right in doing that, or should i have actually taken that offer?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Also one thing i should add, there have been a few times where we've been talking and she has actually offered to dump her bf and go on a date with me (after me saying that there would only be one thing that could make things better, took every fibre of my being to decline that offer) was i right in doing that, or should i have actually taken that offer?
    Hi,sorry to hear you are feeling like this-it really sucks but you have to let her go. You did the right thing by declining the above-i don't think its wise to put pressure on her,as such.Its not going to happen and you have to come to terms with that otherwise it will drive you crazy. Can't you just stop contact with her? Or,if not,cut down on the contact you have with her? Is she the first person you have ever loved? First love is a killer to let go of.
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    (Original post by lillyblue)
    Hi,sorry to hear you are feeling like this-it really sucks but you have to let her go. You did the right thing by declining the above-i don't think its wise to put pressure on her,as such.Its not going to happen and you have to come to terms with that otherwise it will drive you crazy. Can't you just stop contact with her? Or,if not,cut down on the contact you have with her? Is she the first person you have ever loved? First love is a killer to let go of.
    i already have limted contact with her, vary farily see her face to face, and as for staying on contact over facebook, it's like once very week (sometimes longer)

    and yes she is my first love, i have crushed on other people, but she is the first person i have ever had such strong feelings for
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    and i never fully cut contact with people, it's not who i am, espically with her, i care about her too damn much
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    Do what I do and move to a different part of the country.
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    (Original post by Izzyeviel)
    Do what I do and move to a different part of the country.
    we re already are in different parts of the country besides, i'm at uni, can't just up sticks and leave
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    You've got a few choices really:

    - Waste all your time and education dwelling on it whilst they continue with their lives.
    - Kill them!
    - Come to terms with your rejection, make changes to yourself, become a better you, succeed, become the object of desire, rather than just the desirer.
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    Hey mate, difficult situation and I can sort of relate. I ended up falling for my really close friend when I was 19, just around the time I started uni. I fell for her big time just like you. Used to think about her constantly. She had just been introduced to a guy (not by me) and started telling me how much she liked him, how there might be something there. This was quite difficult to take. She had no idea about my feelings and the way she behaved around me and in particular talking about this guy, I could tell she didn't feel the same way about me.

    It got really bad and I ended up distancing myself from her. She and I went to different unis. She got into a relationship with that guy and were together until a few months back. I almost had zero contact with her for about 2 years. Slowly with time, I thought about her far less. I had a girlfriend, which really helped. After finishing uni, I got back in touch with her. I was afraid the feelings may come back. To be honest they did for a while and I thought I was back to square one. But now I see her as just a good friend - we're still in touch a fair bit, meet up and do things. Seeing how much fun we have together I sort of regretted closing off contact with her. However, I probably needed to do it. I would suggest the same for you until you get over her. Distract/immerse yourself in uni work, sports, any particular hobbies and find a girlfriend. The feelings will go away with time. You have to try your best to forget her though, especially if there's no possibility of something happening.
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    (Original post by Calpurnia)
    You've got a few choices really:

    - Waste all your time and education dwelling on it whilst they continue with their lives.
    - Kill them!
    - Come to terms with your rejection, make changes to yourself, become a better you, succeed, become the object of desire, rather than just the desirer.
    I choose D) all of the above :P

    No but in all seriousness, i have no idea how to become the object of desire, i'm kinda socially awkward
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    (Original post by superduper9)
    Hey mate, difficult situation and I can sort of relate. I ended up falling for my really close friend when I was 19, just around the time I started uni. I fell for her big time just like you. Used to think about her constantly. She had just been introduced to a guy (not by me) and started telling me how much she liked him, how there might be something there. This was quite difficult to take. She had no idea about my feelings and the way she behaved around me and in particular talking about this guy, I could tell she didn't feel the same way about me.

    It got really bad and I ended up distancing myself from her. She and I went to different unis. She got into a relationship with that guy and were together until a few months back. I almost had zero contact with her for about 2 years. Slowly with time, I thought about her far less. I had a girlfriend, which really helped. After finishing uni, I got back in touch with her. I was afraid the feelings may come back. To be honest they did for a while and I thought I was back to square one. But now I see her as just a good friend - we're still in touch a fair bit, meet up and do things. Seeing how much fun we have together I sort of regretted closing off contact with her. However, I probably needed to do it. I would suggest the same for you until you get over her. Distract/immerse yourself in uni work, sports, any particular hobbies and find a girlfriend. The feelings will go away with time. You have to try your best to forget her though, especially if there's no possibility of something happening.
    Ahh finding a girlfriend, if only it was that easy ........
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    can we see a picture of her she must be quite something if you can't stop thinking about her
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    (Original post by Dilan97)
    can we see a picture of her she must be quite something if you can't stop thinking about her
    "Beauty is in the Eye of the Behoulder" meaning that i find her beautiful, but other people might not see her in the way i do
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    "Beauty is in the Eye of the Behoulder" meaning that i find her beautiful, but other people might not see her in the way i do
    I actually quoted that exact quote in another thread. I probably will find her attractive
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    (Original post by Dilan97)
    I actually quoted that exact quote in another thread. I probably will find her attractive
    even still, not sure what good a picture would do :P
 
 
 
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