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How long do you wait before sleeping with a new bf/gf? Watch

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    I've only been in 1 long term relationship before, for 1.5 years, and waited 3 months (inadvertently, because of contraception issues!). So now I'm back to dating and quite clueless. I dated a guy almost immediately after breaking up, with whom I arguably slept with far too soon, because it appeared to just ruin things... so now I'm quite wary about it.

    Anyway, all that was a while ago. Started seeing a lovely guy about 2 weeks ago, and he's coming to stay for the evening (possibly overnight) tomorrow. We're not official yet but I don't want to have sex 'too soon' and ruin it. I don't know why I'm even bothered, I'm one of those people that doesn't believe it should ever be too soon if it's the right person etc, but I'm just worried about blowing my chance with someone really great! I'm inclined to wait until we're 'official' (if that ever happens) really, but just wanted other people's opinions about whether too soon really exists anyway.

    So yeah. How do people normally go about this issue? I've barely ever heard my friends talking about how long it was for them. Do you think 'too soon' exists? How long do you normally wait (if at all)?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've only been in 1 long term relationship before, for 1.5 years, and waited 3 months (inadvertently, because of contraception issues!). So now I'm back to dating and quite clueless. I dated a guy almost immediately after breaking up, with whom I arguably slept with far too soon, because it appeared to just ruin things... so now I'm quite wary about it.

    Anyway, all that was a while ago. Started seeing a lovely guy about 2 weeks ago, and he's coming to stay for the evening (possibly overnight) tomorrow. We're not official yet but I don't want to have sex 'too soon' and ruin it. I don't know why I'm even bothered, I'm one of those people that doesn't believe it should ever be too soon if it's the right person etc, but I'm just worried about blowing my chance with someone really great! I'm inclined to wait until we're 'official' (if that ever happens) really, but just wanted other people's opinions about whether too soon really exists anyway.

    So yeah. How do people normally go about this issue? I've barely ever heard my friends talking about how long it was for them. Do you think 'too soon' exists? How long do you normally wait (if at all)?
    I think it just depends on the situation, I have just come out of a relationship and really liked who I was with kinda can't face sleeping with anyone for a while yet but I have come out of relationships before met someone new and had sex with them a couple of weeks after.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've only been in 1 long term relationship before, for 1.5 years, and waited 3 months (inadvertently, because of contraception issues!). So now I'm back to dating and quite clueless. I dated a guy almost immediately after breaking up, with whom I arguably slept with far too soon, because it appeared to just ruin things... so now I'm quite wary about it.

    Anyway, all that was a while ago. Started seeing a lovely guy about 2 weeks ago, and he's coming to stay for the evening (possibly overnight) tomorrow. We're not official yet but I don't want to have sex 'too soon' and ruin it. I don't know why I'm even bothered, I'm one of those people that doesn't believe it should ever be too soon if it's the right person etc, but I'm just worried about blowing my chance with someone really great! I'm inclined to wait until we're 'official' (if that ever happens) really, but just wanted other people's opinions about whether too soon really exists anyway.

    So yeah. How do people normally go about this issue? I've barely ever heard my friends talking about how long it was for them. Do you think 'too soon' exists? How long do you normally wait (if at all)?
    I don't think you can really put a set time on how long to wait before sleeping with someone.

    There are so many factors you need to look at first;

    What do you want from the relationship?
    How long have you known each other, were you friends previously?
    How do you feel, do you feel ready?

    You need to figure out whether or not you feel ready, nobody should ever feel pressured into sleeping with another person. If you feel like that, then obviously it is too soon!
    Yes there is the stigma around a girl (more often than not) looking sleazy if she sleeps with a man very early on in the relationship/before getting to know him.
    Realistically it isn't important what others think, or any of their business to start with.

    The only person you may be worried about thinking you come across as sleazy to, is the man in question. But, it takes two to tango, so surely that'd just put him in exactly the same position?

    Only you and him can decide whether you are ready.
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    (Original post by restoration)
    I think it just depends on the situation, I have just come out of a relationship and really liked who I was with kinda can't face sleeping with anyone for a while yet but I have come out of relationships before met someone new and had sex with them a couple of weeks after.
    Ah, for me I had been wanting to break up for a long time before we did. So I don't have any feelings at all toward my ex.

    (Original post by Vikki1805)
    I don't think you can really put a set time on how long to wait before sleeping with someone.

    There are so many factors you need to look at first;

    What do you want from the relationship?
    How long have you known each other, were you friends previously?
    How do you feel, do you feel ready?
    You need to figure out whether or not you feel ready, nobody should ever feel pressured into sleeping with another person. If you feel like that, then obviously it is too soon!
    Yes there is the stigma around a girl (more often than not) looking sleazy if she sleeps with a man very early on in the relationship/before getting to know him.
    Realistically it isn't important what others think, or any of their business to start with.

    The only person you may be worried about thinking you come across as sleazy to, is the man in question. But, it takes two to tango, so surely that'd just put him in exactly the same position?

    Only you and him can decide whether you are ready.
    I don't know really. It'd be nice for him to be my boyfriend, I guess! We only met a couple of weeks ago through friends and pretty much started dating immediately. I feel like I'm ready to (I'm sure a lot of people are the same, but when I 'date' someone really attractive, I tend to think about wanting to sleeping with them.. some of my friends claim it doesn't ever cross their mind), but I feel like it's too soon, and like you said that I'd be judged for sleeping with him so quickly. I hate that it's like this for us, it's such a double standard that really doesn't exist with guys. I suppose if he judged me for it though, then he's not someone I want to be with? Hmm.

    I'll just see how it goes. There's absolutely no pressure from him to do so though which is great. I think I will leave it until we're official, if it ever happens (this goes totally against my own 'independent woman' type beliefs, eek).
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    As Vikki has said, it really depends on the situation.

    I think the time's I've varied before doing the deed range from 3 weeks - 2 months. So it just depends on the situation and who you're with.

    If he's a decent guy OP he won't be worried about when you do or don't. He'll just be happy spending time with you. Just wait until it feels right.
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    It totally depends on the people and the situation. One of my friends met her boyfriend on a one night stand and they're still together nearly 3 years later! Their relationship obviously started with sex from the get go, whereas I've been with my boyfriend nearly 2 years and we waited nearly 2 months before having sex.
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    (Original post by Leighcakes)
    As Vikki has said, it really depends on the situation.

    I think the time's I've varied before doing the deed range from 3 weeks - 2 months. So it just depends on the situation and who you're with.

    If he's a decent guy OP he won't be worried about when you do or don't. He'll just be happy spending time with you. Just wait until it feels right.
    (Original post by chipskylark)
    It totally depends on the people and the situation. One of my friends met her boyfriend on a one night stand and they're still together nearly 3 years later! Their relationship obviously started with sex from the get go, whereas I've been with my boyfriend nearly 2 years and we waited nearly 2 months before having sex.
    Thanks guys not bothering with anon because it takes ages to get approved and who really cares who I am anyway.

    I took the advice of it just 'feeling right' and went for it anyway, thought since I want to then why am I hesitant, if he's a decent guy then it shouldn't matter, etc. I ended up telling him I was concerned about doing it too early and he was really understanding about it (because he didn't understand when I said "I really want to but I also don't want to......" ), told me he didn't care when or how long I waited as long as I was comfortable with it when we did do it.

    I just have to think that if it DOES put him off, then he's obviously not someone I'd want to be with anyway.
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    Honestly, I don't. As soon as she's willing to. Sex is great, it makes you feel closer to someone. I wouldn't be upset if it didn't go anywhere and I'd had sex with them. If you have that reaction, there's no reason to wait.
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    Honestly, I don't. As soon as she's willing to. Sex is great, it makes you feel closer to someone. I wouldn't be upset if it didn't go anywhere and I'd had sex with them. If you have that reaction, there's no reason to wait.
    That's how I feel usually, that there shouldn't be a time limit or waiting period and it should just be when both people want to, but it just threw me a bit when the last guy I was seeing just lost interest and didn't want to see me again literally immediately after we had sex (and I started thinking maybe my friend who makes guys wait 3 months was right, hahah). So now with this guy I'm a bit worried. It's not like I'd be devastated if he didn't want to carry on dating but I have to admit it'd be a bit suspicious/annoying.
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    (Original post by when she was 22)
    That's how I feel usually, that there shouldn't be a time limit or waiting period and it should just be when both people want to, but it just threw me a bit when the last guy I was seeing just lost interest and didn't want to see me again literally immediately after we had sex (and I started thinking maybe my friend who makes guys wait 3 months was right, hahah). So now with this guy I'm a bit worried. It's not like I'd be devastated if he didn't want to carry on dating but I have to admit it'd be a bit suspicious/annoying.
    That's nasty, I'm all for casual sex but that's totally out of order. I guess on the bright side, at least it means you don't waste any more time with the nobhead.

    To be honest, I would be a bit put off if it had been a couple of months without any sex, because I'd hope that she'd have wanted to by then, like when you're kissing and you just get that rush of desire, it's a great feeling. If a girl didn't have that implusive side, it would be off putting, rather than me just being like "I only want sex so I'm gonna dump you", a lot of people on here have the view that if a guy isn't willing to wait any length of time he must be an ********, which I think is a bit unfair.

    Bear in mind I'm 22, people usually wait longer when they're younger.
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    That's nasty, I'm all for casual sex but that's totally out of order. I guess on the bright side, at least it means you don't waste any more time with the nobhead.

    To be honest, I would be a bit put off if it had been a couple of months without any sex, because I'd hope that she'd have wanted to by then, like when you're kissing and you just get that rush of desire, it's a great feeling. If a girl didn't have that implusive side, it would be off putting, rather than me just being like "I only want sex so I'm gonna dump you", a lot of people on here have the view that if a guy isn't willing to wait any length of time he must be an ********, which I think is a bit unfair.

    Bear in mind I'm 22, people usually wait longer when they're younger.
    Yeah, came as a bit of a surprise since he's usually just so nice, not the type you'd expect to do it (and he was 23)! But yeah, I'm trying to have that mentality - if someone judges me for having sex with them too quickly (or is only in it for the sex) then obviously they're not the type of person I'm after at all. So a lucky escape

    Ha yeah. I always thought 3 months was a bit extreme. I'm with you really, the desire/physical side of things is always so good that I don't want to wait, I'd be really surprised if a guy ever wanted to wait and have to admit I'd probably worry that it was because he didn't find me attractive or something.

    That's true, the reason a lot of people on TSR think so is probably because most of the people in this section are like 15+. It'd be different if I were that young. I'm 18, so still fairly young (the guy in question is 20). In the grey area between being a teenager and an adult really, which only makes these type of decisions harder, haha.
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    i waited a few months with my boyfriend, but it was my first time. I wouldn't wait that long if i started a new relationship in the future.
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    Mine started off as friends with benefits and sort of grew into a relationship so I don't think it really matters how soon into the relationship you start having sex. We're all grown ups here (or maybe not I don't know) - if you're both consenting adults that want to have sex I don't see the point in waiting. In fact I would suggest having sex quite early on in the relationship - imagine waiting months and months and then realising that you're both sexually incompatible and it's a massive disappointment.
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    (Original post by when she was 22)
    Thanks guys not bothering with anon because it takes ages to get approved and who really cares who I am anyway.

    I took the advice of it just 'feeling right' and went for it anyway, thought since I want to then why am I hesitant, if he's a decent guy then it shouldn't matter, etc. I ended up telling him I was concerned about doing it too early and he was really understanding about it (because he didn't understand when I said "I really want to but I also don't want to......" ), told me he didn't care when or how long I waited as long as I was comfortable with it when we did do it.

    I just have to think that if it DOES put him off, then he's obviously not someone I'd want to be with anyway.
    Glad to hear he was nice about it! Definitely shows he's a decent fella. Goodluck for the future with you two
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    (Original post by when she was 22)
    Yeah, came as a bit of a surprise since he's usually just so nice, not the type you'd expect to do it (and he was 23)! But yeah, I'm trying to have that mentality - if someone judges me for having sex with them too quickly (or is only in it for the sex) then obviously they're not the type of person I'm after at all. So a lucky escape

    Ha yeah. I always thought 3 months was a bit extreme. I'm with you really, the desire/physical side of things is always so good that I don't want to wait, I'd be really surprised if a guy ever wanted to wait and have to admit I'd probably worry that it was because he didn't find me attractive or something.

    That's true, the reason a lot of people on TSR think so is probably because most of the people in this section are like 15+. It'd be different if I were that young. I'm 18, so still fairly young (the guy in question is 20). In the grey area between being a teenager and an adult really, which only makes these type of decisions harder, haha.
    See, you always need to watch the "nice guys"! Anyone who can't see the hypocracy of judging a girl for having sex with them too early is an idiot.

    Yeah, like with my girlfriend, one of our first "dates" was watching a DVD round hers. I planned to make a move after we watched it, but we ended up just throwing the DVD on the floor and shagging straight away. That's the sort of thing I want to happen. If you are able to wait for two or three months, I guess maybe you should wonder whether you're really that attracted to the person.

    Yeah, I mean it's all about understanding your own emotions, which admittedly is pretty difficult. Generally, a younger girl is going to be more likely to find it upsetting if she has sex early and then the relationship ends, she needs more time to feel secure. It's a popular misconception that teenagers are always up for it, while when we get older we wait longer. On OkCupid, 55% of 18 year old girls said they were ok with casual sex, compared with 74% of 34 year olds (http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/th...n-older-woman/). A lot of people on here say part of maturing is stopping having casual sex, but the reality is that women get more promiscous, not less.
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    After reading these replies I'm definitely starting to feel less weird about it, and less like I "should've" waited, which is good, thanks guys

    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    See, you always need to watch the "nice guys"! Anyone who can't see the hypocracy of judging a girl for having sex with them too early is an idiot.

    Yeah, like with my girlfriend, one of our first "dates" was watching a DVD round hers. I planned to make a move after we watched it, but we ended up just throwing the DVD on the floor and shagging straight away. That's the sort of thing I want to happen. If you are able to wait for two or three months, I guess maybe you should wonder whether you're really that attracted to the person.

    Yeah, I mean it's all about understanding your own emotions, which admittedly is pretty difficult. Generally, a younger girl is going to be more likely to find it upsetting if she has sex early and then the relationship ends, she needs more time to feel secure. It's a popular misconception that teenagers are always up for it, while when we get older we wait longer. On OkCupid, 55% of 18 year old girls said they were ok with casual sex, compared with 74% of 34 year olds (http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/th...n-older-woman/). A lot of people on here say part of maturing is stopping having casual sex, but the reality is that women get more promiscous, not less.
    Exactly! It's just awful. I wish I didn't have to worry about guys judging but I guess the reality is that a lot still do, for whatever reason.

    Ahaha sounds quite similar. I planned on waiting but once the moment comes it's just like yep, that's not going to happen. I suppose it all does boil down to being with the right person, both being ready, etc. So I hope this guy is okay.

    God yeah, if researchers came on here they'd either think teen girls were 100% celibate or sex crazed (not seen much in between!). Not surprising about older women tbh! I do agree with it, though, younger is typically more naive so less likely to think they'll "hit it and quit it" (sorry for the terrible phrase).

    (Original post by Leighcakes)
    Glad to hear he was nice about it! Definitely shows he's a decent fella. Goodluck for the future with you two
    Thank you! Thanks for your advice too
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    Not even going to lie im a very insecure person, I have a horrible fear or being used for sex and somebody leaving me, so I make a guy wait a hell of a while. Its not because I dont want to but for me its waiting to see if there is a level of commiment if they actually really want to be with me, to know that its not just sex they want or a fling as i wear my heart on my sleeve and when i get into a realtionship its for long term.

    I made my boyfriend wait 3/4 months I think and for me that was fairly soon !! but it was just a sort of saftey net for me after 4 months of him having nothing ( we didnt do anything sexual) and considering hes had a lot of casual partners/ons it made me feel more secure and happy. Also i need to have feelings for somebody to enjoy sex

    But then on the other hand ive had friends who had one night stands and slept with guys after only an hour yet theyve got some of the strongest relationships and are still with them 3 plus years on
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    See, you always need to watch the "nice guys"! Anyone who can't see the hypocracy of judging a girl for having sex with them too early is an idiot.

    Yeah, like with my girlfriend, one of our first "dates" was watching a DVD round hers. I planned to make a move after we watched it, but we ended up just throwing the DVD on the floor and shagging straight away. That's the sort of thing I want to happen. If you are able to wait for two or three months, I guess maybe you should wonder whether you're really that attracted to the person.
    Yeah, I mean it's all about understanding your own emotions, which admittedly is pretty difficult. Generally, a younger girl is going to be more likely to find it upsetting if she has sex early and then the relationship ends, she needs more time to feel secure. It's a popular misconception that teenagers are always up for it, while when we get older we wait longer. On OkCupid, 55% of 18 year old girls said they were ok with casual sex, compared with 74% of 34 year olds (http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/th...n-older-woman/). A lot of people on here say part of maturing is stopping having casual sex, but the reality is that women get more promiscous, not less.
    Its like you said though dependent on your own emotions, i physically couldnt have sex with somebody unless id been with them a while because i just wouldnt enjoy it
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    (Original post by SillyMilly)
    Not even going to lie im a very insecure person, I have a horrible fear or being used for sex and somebody leaving me, so I make a guy wait a hell of a while. Its not because I dont want to but for me its waiting to see if there is a level of commiment if they actually really want to be with me, to know that its not just sex they want or a fling as i wear my heart on my sleeve and when i get into a realtionship its for long term.

    I made my boyfriend wait 3/4 months I think and for me that was fairly soon !! but it was just a sort of saftey net for me after 4 months of him having nothing ( we didnt do anything sexual) and considering hes had a lot of casual partners/ons it made me feel more secure and happy. Also i need to have feelings for somebody to enjoy sex

    But then on the other hand ive had friends who had one night stands and slept with guys after only an hour yet theyve got some of the strongest relationships and are still with them 3 plus years on
    This is really rather sad ... so you slept with him so he wouldn't leave you cos you felt you owed him sex to make him happy to feel more secure in the relationship. What happened to self respect? :rolleyes:
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    Im kinda in the same boat- ive been seeing a guy for a few weeks, officially ''seeing each other'' for a few days and I really want to have sex with him.

    Problem is Im a virgin and i might look really trampy or even like im obsessed with him if i let him take it too soon.

    Dont really know what to do lol...
 
 
 
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