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My first attempt at a poem: "For He Killed Me" Watch

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    He Killed Me
    No fair night goes by without a bullet bursting the atmosphere,
    Death is sprawled across my town,
    Screams of horror all around,
    I tremble and scream but I am unheard,
    For I am one of many to suffer to him,
    Acid burns over my slowly rotting skin,
    I scream in agony as the rubble around crushes me
    Deeper and deeper the wound goes,
    A tunnel inside me,
    A bloody tunnel mangled with shrapnel,
    I hear a voice,
    I quieten, trying to fight back the tears of pain,
    Choking on my injury,
    I silently beg of him: "Why must you do this?",
    There's no response,
    For the man who has caused this is fiction,
    Hero-worshipped by the masses,
    Cursed by me as the faceless man riddles my father's body with bullets,
    I pause breathing,Pretend I am doll,
    But for all I am worth I am a rag doll,
    In this evil one's empire,
    As the faceless one leaves the room,
    I choke back my screams of injury,
    Helpless now,
    I give up the fight,
    I let go,
    I'm not acting anymore,
    I am a statistic,
    A victim of his cruel rule,
    For he killed me.




    What do you think?
    Interpretations?

    Thanks
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    the font is horrible to read
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    I think it's a good start but maybe give it a logical structure (stanzas etc.)
    The first ('No fair night goes by without a bullet bursting the atmosphere') line is very original and is a memorable start of the poem. However, the last line, which is also the title of your poem, does not really stand out. Maybe try making the previous sentences (27th to 29th line etc.) a bit longer so that your last line sounds unpredictable and original, making it more effective .
    It reminds me of WW2 in a way... 'Hero-worshipped by the masses' sounds like Hitler. The story behind it must be quite fascinating
 
 
 
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