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Am I being unreasonable to get upset over my boyfriend's ex? Watch

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    Okay, so a bit of brief background: I'm 19 and have been in a secret relationship with my ex English tutor for about 7 months and there's a fair age difference.

    His ex girlfriend was also an ex student - older than me, she was about 22when they began a relationship.

    Well ever since I found out his ex was also an ex student, I've found it incredibly hard to deal with. Whenever I've told him that I find it hard and that it fuels my insecurity in the relationship, he just tells me to grow up and that he has bigger problems to deal with; money, work etc.

    In his house, there's still a lot of traces of her: cosmetics in bathroom, photos, shoes in porch, things in bedroom.

    I really don't mean to be so demanding and selfish to expect to see no traces but the fact that she was also an ex student makes it very hard - if it was genuinely just any other ex, I don't think I'd have the same problem.

    There's also still contact - she'll ring or text him and he text her on her birthday the other week. They've been out of the relationship for 9 months (both in new ones) but I just find it so hard to deal with..I hate the fact that I can still feel her presence and that there's still need for contact.

    Am I being unreasonable or is he being insensitive?
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    No you're not. It's perfectly reasonable for you to ask this of him. If a man truly loves you he'd do anything to keep you. I think that's what you need to bare in mind...if he sees work and money as more important than you then you have a BIG problem with this man. Yeah I suppose the odd photo in a draw full of odds and ends of them together is harmless but her shoes and her stuff still in the bedroom, kinda makes you wonder if she has actually left, or ever really did? Anyway enough. Bottom line, either this man respects your opinion and loves you enough to go to the ends of the earth for you etc, or he doesn't. If the latter, get rid. You deserve better. Even if he can recite Shakespeare's 18th Sonnet.
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    I think if he knows its upsetting you, he should at least make a conscious effort to remove the traces of her from his house, he doesn't need any of that anymore and at least its a step to stop feeling insecure.
    The age difference could play an issue here as younger girls can sometimes feel insecure about things that older people might not consider an issue. By the sounds of his response though, he is being quite insensitive.
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    What could I do to make the situation better?
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    He's a bit insensitive about it. Tell him you're uncomfortable with his ex's stuff lying around everywhere.
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    The fact that she was also an ex student would probably worry me more than if she was anyone else as well.

    sure people stay in touch and sure he might not have got round to getting rid of (of boxing up if hes more sentimental) her stuff. But don't you think its odd that he would end up in relationships with two students.
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    The red flag I picked out is that it's a "secret relationship" and he's had a previous relationship with another ex-student.

    Does it not worry you that you could easily be replaced by a younger, newer model? It'd be especially easy since your relationship is secret.
 
 
 
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