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Is my mum the reason for my low self esteem? Watch

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    I am a very self-conscious, nervous and introverted person and I have often wondered why this is. As I grew older I have come up with a theory and was wondering if you agree with my theory.


    I have a problem with walking in public (i know it sounds stupid), but I only feel comfortable when i have my hands in my pocket. This can be explained because when I was a kid my mum used to tell me to "walk properly" and used to say i walked "like a homosexual". I believe this has effected me and years of being told this has made me conscious.


    She also used to say to me to stand up straight, and not to hunch my shoulders over. When i stand I am always conscious of this too.


    Thirdly, I am very nervous and introverted thinking people are watching. I believe this is because i was subjected to so scrutiny a lot when I was a kid and has damaged my confidence.


    I am 16 (17 in May) and i am a virgin, have never been kissed, never even held hands with a girl, and obviously never had a girlfriend. My low self esteem is the reason for this I guarantee it. I can't talk to girls because i am fearful they are scrutinising me like my mum.


    Do you think this is possible? I really feel as though my mum is the one to blame for my low confidence and self esteem.


    What do you think of my mother's actions/destroying of my confidence? Was she wrong?
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    Yes. She's a *****.
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    How does one walk like a homosexual?
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    I can somewhat understand how you feel because I can't eat in public because of the fact I got bullied at high school because of eating in the canteen (just like what everyone else was doing) anyway. I think perhaps you should ignore what your mum has said to you. Believe in yourself!
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am a very self-conscious, nervous and introverted person and I have often wondered why this is. As I grew older I have come up with a theory and was wondering if you agree with my theory.


    I have a problem with walking in public (i know it sounds stupid), but I only feel comfortable when i have my hands in my pocket. This can be explained because when I was a kid my mum used to tell me to "walk properly" and used to say i walked "like a homosexual". I believe this has effected me and years of being told this has made me conscious.


    She also used to say to me to stand up straight, and not to hunch my shoulders over. When i stand I am always conscious of this too.


    Thirdly, I am very nervous and introverted thinking people are watching. I believe this is because i was subjected to so scrutiny a lot when I was a kid and has damaged my confidence.


    I am 16 (17 in May) and i am a virgin, have never been kissed, never even held hands with a girl, and obviously never had a girlfriend. My low self esteem is the reason for this I guarantee it. I can't talk to girls because i am fearful they are scrutinising me like my mum.


    Do you think this is possible? I really feel as though my mum is the one to blame for my low confidence and self esteem.


    What do you think of my mother's actions/destroying of my confidence? Was she wrong?


    I also walk awkwardly at times due to confidence issues, I also am a virgin, have never kissed or held hands with a girl and I am 21
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am a very self-conscious, nervous and introverted person and I have often wondered why this is. As I grew older I have come up with a theory and was wondering if you agree with my theory.


    I have a problem with walking in public (i know it sounds stupid), but I only feel comfortable when i have my hands in my pocket. This can be explained because when I was a kid my mum used to tell me to "walk properly" and used to say i walked "like a homosexual". I believe this has effected me and years of being told this has made me conscious.


    She also used to say to me to stand up straight, and not to hunch my shoulders over. When i stand I am always conscious of this too.


    Thirdly, I am very nervous and introverted thinking people are watching. I believe this is because i was subjected to so scrutiny a lot when I was a kid and has damaged my confidence.


    I am 16 (17 in May) and i am a virgin, have never been kissed, never even held hands with a girl, and obviously never had a girlfriend. My low self esteem is the reason for this I guarantee it. I can't talk to girls because i am fearful they are scrutinising me like my mum.


    Do you think this is possible? I really feel as though my mum is the one to blame for my low confidence and self esteem.


    What do you think of my mother's actions/destroying of my confidence? Was she wrong?
    To me it sounds like your mother was being very un-reasonable, and what she said would no-doubt have somekind of cognitive effect on you. But, what is good is that you have made this self analysis. Dont worry about being 17, a virgin and of not having a girlfriend. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 17/18, and even then I feel like it was unnecessary.
    I'm 26 now, and as you grow older you realise how all those intimate moments with people contribute to who you are, so if they are not meaningful they can be damaging. I'm terrified of relationships now, but thats probably down to my own fault of being so promiscuous when I was younger.

    I can relate to you, because I have the same thing. My mother is a kind person, but very religious, and had close minded views on how one should act/be. Due to my sheltered up-bringing I had to re-discover the world from my late teens to 20s. This was a massive mindFu** and could of been avoided with some more strategic parenting. You parents have alot to do with who you are, and what you feel. Then you become what happens when that person meets the outside world..For me, I became the exact opposite of what my mother wanted...Infact your post is making me realise even more about myself as I type this.

    We are always learning my friend. You shouldn't be in-secure as you are obviously a insightful and thoughtful person, someone will value this. If you don't meet them straight away then don't worry. I know from experience that the most extroverted or intimidating people are most of the time the most superficial and deep-down; unsure of themselves, so they have issues of the opposite nature.
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    Other than the 'walk like a homosexual' I don't see what's so wrong with what she said.

    i was subjected to so scrutiny a lot when I was a kid and has damaged my confidence.
    This is very vague. Scrutinised in what way.
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    In Holland where i live u had ( almost ) free group therapy for people who didnt dare to stand up in the world when it comes to dating and stuff, could u perhaps be helped out with that?

    And, always dont forget the three magic words hey, when u meet a nice person wich u are in love with, and that is "i like u" ( or "i think u are actractive", or "i want to spent time with u", without those words u alwaaaaays loose !!!!
 
 
 
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