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Can you please mark my work for my English Literature GCSE preparation on Comparing Watch

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    John Betjeman's 'On A Portrait Of A Draf Man' and Carol Ann Duffy's 'Medusa' are both first person monologues, expressing their emotions triggered by a before and after scenario, and how severly it has affected them. However, 'On A Portrait Of A Deaf Man' is a ballade metre while 'Medusa' has an end rhyme.*

    John Betjeman lets loose all his feelings and mourns over the loss of his farther which was so sudden, that his farther did not even get to say 'goodbye'. This reveals how tragic his was, and was possibly so unexpected because of how well, fit and healthy he was. A simple word like this means so much to him, which conveys how much he loved him, because it is a word of reassurance that indicates you mean alot to them. However, this also refers God as evil, careless and cold hearted, because he did not even let him have the decency if saying his last words of love and affection to those who mean alot to him.*

    Similarly, the narrator in 'Medusa' experiences a similar feeling of loosing somebody (her husband) she adornes, by repeatedly saying 'your girls'. This exposes her husband being a heartless cheat, who does not care about his wife and how it could possibly harm her. The use of repitition evokes the numerous times he has cheated on her, and how he will continue to do so. *Medusa does not mention ant specific name, which hints that there has been so many women in his life that she cannot summarise them all up with one name. Having said that, the fact that no name is mentioned could support the fact that there is nobody he is seeing, but instead her allusion, just like her hallucinating herself transforming into the malicious gorgon known as Medusa. These females are refered to as girls rather than women, which emphasizes their vulnerability from this predator.*

    John Betjeman becomes angry and furious in stanza eight, and directly calls God by saying 'You, God'. This direct language shows a lack of respect he now attains towards the lord due to the current horrific and horrendous state his farther is in his grave. He cannot accept the fact that such a kind soul could be left in such a condition, which creates doubts on whether there really is a God. Furthermore, the fact that he would talk to God in such a manner illustrates the lack of fear he has towards the creator, because usually people talk to him by putting their hands together, or bowing their heads, or talking in a gentle tone. His tone could be vicious and blameful. Ironically, the narrator in 'Medusa' uses vivid imagery to display the 'fire spewed' from her mouth. The excruciating heat from fire is so scorching, that you immediately move the second your skin touches it. This could be an alternative way of signaling how fast her husband has deserted her for another woman, or how dramatic and speedy her transformation was. Also, this could be a representation of how scaring, scathing and intense her feelings are thanks to her cold hearted husband. Or, this could inform us of her intentions to insult her husband so badly with her 'foul tongue' that she wants it to permenantly burn him. She also links her mouth to a 'mountain' while this is happening, which concludes that her words she wants to utter to him are so immense, intense and lethal that they have metaphorically enlargened the size of her mouth. On the other hand, this could be a presentation feature where the previous words are her loathing, hateful and spiteful words that have erupted just like lava, and her mouth is the volcano.*
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    Needs more direct quotation for my taste.
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    X-referencing - my old A Level Teacher's favourite phrase.
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    (Original post by NessEB)
    X-referencing - my old A Level Teacher's favourite phrase.
    What's x-referencing?


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    (Original post by Majeee97)
    John Betjeman's 'On A Portrait Of A Draf Man' and Carol Ann Duffy's 'Medusa' are both first person monologues, expressing their emotions triggered by a before and after scenario, and how severly it has affected them. However, 'On A Portrait Of A Deaf Man' is a ballade metre while 'Medusa' has an end rhyme.*

    John Betjeman lets loose all his feelings and mourns over the loss of his farther which was so sudden, that his farther did not even get to say 'goodbye' Could be written and explained better e.g. what dawned on him the most was that his father was unable to say his final "goodbye". This reveals how tragic his was , and was possibly so unexpected because of how well, fit and healthy he was. A simple word like this means so much to him, which conveys how much he loved him, because it is a word of reassurance that indicates you mean alot to them. However, this also refers God as evil, careless and cold hearted, because he did not even let him have the decency if saying his last words of love and affection to those who mean alot to him.*

    Similarly, the narrator in 'Medusa' experiences a similar feeling of loosing somebody (her husband) she adornes, by repeatedly saying 'your girls'. This exposes her husband being a heartless cheat, who does not care about his wife and how it could possibly harm her. The use of repitition evokes the numerous times he has cheated on her, and how he will continue to do so. *Medusa does not mention ant specific name, which hints that there has been so many women in his life that she cannot summarise them all up with one name. Having said that, the fact that no name is mentioned could support the fact that there is nobody he is seeing, but instead her allusion, just like her hallucinating herself transforming into the malicious gorgon known as Medusa. These females are refered to as girls rather than women, which emphasizes their vulnerability from this predator.*

    John Betjeman becomes angry and furious in stanza eight, and directly calls God by saying 'You, God'. This direct language shows a lack of respect he now attains towards the lord due to the current horrific and horrendous state his farther is in his grave. He cannot accept the fact that such a kind soul could be left in such a condition, which creates doubts on whether there really is a God. Furthermore, the fact that he would talk to God in such a manner illustrates the lack of fear he has towards the creator, because usually people talk to him by putting their hands together, or bowing their heads, or talking in a gentle tone. His tone could be vicious and blameful. Ironically, the narrator in 'Medusa' uses vivid imagery to display the 'fire spewed' from her mouth. The excruciating heat from fire is so scorching, that you immediately move the second your skin touches it. This could be an alternative way of signaling how fast her husband has deserted her for another woman, or how dramatic and speedy her transformation was. Also, this could be a representation of how scaring, scathing and intense her feelings are thanks to her cold hearted husband. Or, this could inform us of her intentions to insult her husband so badly with her 'foul tongue' that she wants it to permenantly burn him. She also links her mouth to a 'mountain' while this is happening, which concludes that her words she wants to utter to him are so immense, intense and lethal that they have metaphorically enlargened the size of her mouth. On the other hand, this could be a presentation feature where the previous words are her loathing, hateful and spiteful words that have erupted just like lava, and her mouth is the volcano.*
    one issue already is spelling, its spelled father.


    I was gonna start going over it, but I would probably change quite a lot of it......at points it seems like a repetition of how the sentence before ended. And seems very rigid, in terms of the flow of the writing and so can seem quite unclear.
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    (Original post by RemiMarcelle)
    What's x-referencing?

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    Sorry, ignore my bull****. It appears my (at the time) narrow mind couldn't distinguish between History and English Literature.
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    But what do you think? And how would you change it??

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    Like how? Can you give me an example please. And I wrote this in 45 minutes exacly, and the spelling mistakes are be

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    The spelling mistakes are because I typed this on my phone.

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    (Original post by NessEB)
    Sorry, ignore my bull****. It appears my (at the time) narrow mind couldn't distinguish between History and English Literature.
    Hahaha, that's okay!
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    (Original post by RemiMarcelle)
    Hahaha, that's okay!
    :-)
 
 
 
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