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    Hi, so I kissed my boyfriend of 2 weeks for the first time on Wednesday, however it felt like he was choking me with his tongue. I dont know what to do without upsetting him. I really like him, but this has kind of put me off him. What should I do? Thanks!
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    Difficult, cause i dont know this boys caracter, he might take critisisme as an insult hey, but for me its just sounds he needs a sex lesson !! ( kissing is a sort of sex hey )
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    Tell him to practice on his hand.
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    Just say.
    He's not going to get that upset.
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    He is really insecure, and damaged - his previous girlfriends have been much older than him and have used him for sex.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He is really insecure, and damaged - his previous girlfriends have been much older than him and have used him for sex.
    Just ask "would you mind maybe using a little less tongue?". No need to get more specific or explain why. He'll get the message.
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    Say stuff like "I really like when you kiss me gently, like this" and then take the lead and kiss him how you want him to kiss you. Or just tell him. If he gets annoyed/unhappy then is that really someone you want to date? It shows an unwillingness to want to improve.
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    (Original post by Salapanda)
    Say stuff like "I really like when you kiss me gently, like this" and then take the lead and kiss him how you want him to kiss you. Or just tell him. If he gets annoyed/unhappy then is that really someone you want to date? It shows an unwillingness to want to improve.
    Thank you, that's some really great advice!
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    Hmm, if it's an inexperience issue then it'll iron itself out as you two kiss more, if it's just technique then you're going to have to tell him.
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    If my boyfriend does something I don't like, or could be better, I tend to suggest improvement in a way which is very brief, casual and keeps things very happy and non-pressured (guys put such a lot of pressure on themselves when it comes to any "performance") and then add a lot of reassurance generally all of the time.

    It's hard to communicate the subtlety of this with text (it's probably going to come off unrealistic/weird), but I'll try.

    So, maybe in this situation I'd sort of casually/smiley/giggly say "too much tongue baby" and then kiss him back with a bit less and say "like this is better". If he kisses back just as bad, I would then repeat a similar thing and might escalate to "try just kissing me on the lips hun and we'll go from there". Hopefully though, he will show some improvement at this stage, and I would praise. Not OTT, but just something like "mhm I like it". Then very swiftly move on so as not to dwell on it awkwardly.

    Generally I think this is all much easier if you generally bolster your man with almost excessive praise and affection. I think men like compliments for their self-esteem as much as women, but they like more to feel like the stud/masculine/sex god etc. So I make a special effort to say things like "wow you're so sexy", "you're so hot", get to flex arms whatever they like about themselves, lame as it is (especially cause I really don't care) tell him his **** is big, etc. It think it's the praise when doing good, that makes lightly suggesting an improvement when not so good that much easier to do.

    Yes I use excessively babying/affectionate names for my boyfriend, and this probably sounds terribly patronising to him, but I'm just being truthful, it works for us! I feel quite able to tell him to try something differently if it's not right, and I think at least partly because I put in a conscious unprompted effort to make him feel secure in my attraction/affection for him.
 
 
 
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