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    so last night i told my bf about my scars and he said he doesnt want to know because he doesnt like it and its not nice ive never showed him before either

    i was just wondering if anyones been in this situation and could help me to understand what hes going to be like when he sees them

    ive been told by a few people to cover them with foundation but theres too many that wont cover and they cant be hidden because of where they are

    thanks to anyone that can help
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    Honestly, if he's worth your time and effort then he'll be able to see past scars. If he cannot cope with the idea that you have had that level of pain, then how will he be able to help you recover from it? He shouldn't make you feel guilty or worried about them, or feel the need to cover them in his presence, and if he does then perhaps you are better off finding someone who can see beyond scars to the girl underneath them?
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    I'm just worried that he'll get upset when he sees them and feel like it's his fault because he gets upset easily
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    (Original post by gypsyclimber)
    Honestly, if he's worth your time and effort then he'll be able to see past scars. If he cannot cope with the idea that you have had that level of pain, then how will he be able to help you recover from it? He shouldn't make you feel guilty or worried about them, or feel the need to cover them in his presence, and if he does then perhaps you are better off finding someone who can see beyond scars to the girl underneath them?
    This.

    He is being incredibly immature. What sort of man won't face up to something because he doesn't like the thought of it.. He needs to man up and support you. Yes, it's hard to see those you love going through something hard or evidence of that but you have to work with each other and support each other. Not say stuff like that.

    He's not worth the bother if he is going to have that attitude, my other half would be furious if someone who cared about he said something like that about my scars

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    I have scars too, but I've never been in this situation.

    From his POV, I think it's difficult to understand for anyone who hasn't done it and maybe he doesn't want to see them because he can't stand the thought of you being that miserable that you felt you had to hurt youself.

    Tbh if he's your boyfriend he will have to deal with it at some point and if he can't then don't bother with him. He should be supporting you, not making you feel like you have to hide them.
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    (Original post by Sharlote)
    so last night i told my bf about my scars and he said he doesnt want to know because he doesnt like it and its not nice ive never showed him before either

    i was just wondering if anyones been in this situation and could help me to understand what hes going to be like when he sees them

    ive been told by a few people to cover them with foundation but theres too many that wont cover and they cant be hidden because of where they are

    thanks to anyone that can help
    I've never understood why people self harm . It simply boggles my mind :/.
    Just cover them with foundation, your scars don't have to be the main topic of conversation between you and your BF. Or every time the topic arises about your scars you can change the topic immediately
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    [QUOTE=bahjat93;42113699your scars don't have to be the main topic of conversation between you and your BF. Or every time the topic arises about your scars you can change the topic immediately[/QUOTE]

    its not the conversations im worried about its when he sees them i dont know how he will react :afraid:
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    He seems to have quite a closed minded view, usually if you love someone you accept their past. How bad are these scars? I recently told my boyfriend about mine (he'd seen them but never asked before) and he reacted pretty indifferently; asking why I did it...he was more curious than repulsed and it was a very long time ago so I suppose he had no reason to worry about me now.
    I'd say just be open with your boyfriend, if he can't handle it then that's his problem not yours.
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    (Original post by bahjat93)
    I've never understood why people self harm . It simply boggles my mind :/.
    Don't try and "understand" it in terms of logic, because that's not how it works. No one thinks to themselves, rationally, that cutting open their skin will in any way make their situation better - that's not why people do it. It's purely emotional.

    Cutting yourself, and bleeding, can feel hugely cathartic, and is a tremendous way of "releasing" building feelings - resentment, anger, self hatred etc. It can also produce a slight "high" - pain can release endorphins, after all.
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    (Original post by JuliusDS92)
    Don't try and "understand" it in terms of logic, because that's not how it works. No one thinks to themselves, rationally, that cutting open their skin will in any way make their situation better - that's not why people do it. It's purely emotional.

    Cutting yourself, and bleeding, can feel hugely cathartic, and is a tremendous way of "releasing" building feelings - resentment, anger, self hatred etc. It can also produce a slight "high" - pain can release endorphins, after all.
    So it's kind of smoking cannabis?? .
    I'm a very logical person so understanding why people self harm is difficult for me :/.
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    (Original post by Sharlote)
    its not the conversations im worried about its when he sees them i dont know how he will react :afraid:
    If you're embarrassed about your self harming past just say that you have a couple marks from when you were a kid
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    (Original post by bahjat93)
    If you're embarrassed about your self harming past just say that you have a couple marks from when you were a kid
    he already knows i do it
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    (Original post by bahjat93)
    So it's kind of smoking cannabis?? .
    I'm a very logical person so understanding why people self harm is difficult for me :/.
    Its nothing like smoking cannabis.

    I dont know how much we're allowed to discuss, what with the forum rules about it and everything, but I'm not saying its a good thing (its the worst thing I've ever done and will not solve any problems) so hopefully I wont be deleted. I just think if people understand it, they will know how to help.

    There is more than one reason for it, and everyone's reason is different. Like another poster said, you dont think about it while youre doing it, because youre acting purely on emotional instinct, but theres reasons even if you dont really know what they are yourself. It can give you that endorphin rush - nothing like being high, not even close to happiness, but if you've been in a prolonged depressed state then sometimes you'd do anything to change how you feel, even if not for the better. Being miserable is awful, but its also tedious.

    Sometimes if can be easier to comprehend your own pain if it is physical rather than mental - I'd bet a significant number of people here have heard 'its just in your head!' and all the variations on that. If you have not learnt how to manage emotional pain or if the pain outweighs the coping skills you do have, self harm may be a way of manifesting it as something that you can deal with in the immediate moment.

    A lot of mental health problems come with reality-issues; dissociation, detachment, depersonalisation. It can be terrifying if you feel like you arent real, or that the world around you isnt. Pain is undeniable. It brings you back to earth.

    If you have a low sense of self-worth, you may feel you deserve the pain. If you dont know how to express your emotions, it may let other people know how bad you are feeling (this shouldnt be dismissed as 'attention-seeking'; nobody should feel ashamed of needing help and not everyone knows how to ask for it verbally). If you are suicidal, it may be a way of keepng yourself alive; going through the motions, as it were, but only doing superficial damage.

    In a way I guess its just survival instinct on overdrive; finding the quickest solution to an emotional crisis. Its only temporary relief but you're just trying to stop yourself from falling further. The problem is that you then convince yourself that you have control; you do not. It may be that you feel better after doing it once but if you dont address whatever it is that caused you to feel that awful in the first place, you start using it as a crutch the same way some people do with alcohol or drugs, whenever you feel bad. And it causes more stress, so you do feel bad, because you spend half your time worrying what shirts you can wear or if anyone has seen (and youre not at all sure if you want them to or not, most of the time). A really unpleasant circle to be caught in.



    To the OP of the thread; are they old scars? Do you still self-harm? If you do, please speak to someone who will understand: there will always be someone out there. I understand that it can be scary or upsetting for people who dont have experience of this kind of thing to have to deal with, and it probably just hurts your boyfriend to think of you feeling so bad but it is an important thing to deal with so if he is shutting down your attempts at talking about it, that could cause problems. You deserve support, so dont feel ashamed about it or that you should keep quiet.

    I dont know how serious your relationship with him is, so its hard to say. But if he already knows about it then hopefully that means he wont react too strongly. Its part of who you are, anyway, so if he accepts you fully (and he should) he'll also accept the scars.
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    (Original post by Sharlote)
    so last night i told my bf about my scars and he said he doesnt want to know because he doesnt like it and its not nice ive never showed him before either

    i was just wondering if anyones been in this situation and could help me to understand what hes going to be like when he sees them

    ive been told by a few people to cover them with foundation but theres too many that wont cover and they cant be hidden because of where they are

    thanks to anyone that can help
    Are the scars permanent?

    This boy you're with, he won't be there for you when you're at a very low point and need someone to understand or willing to understand. For your own benefit, leave him.
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    CAN SOMEONE PLEASE READ THIS VERY LONG THREAD AND REPLY PLEASE!! IT'S ABOUT DEPRESSION >>>>>>>> http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=2314940
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    (Original post by Final Fantasy)
    Are the scars permanent?

    This boy you're with, he won't be there for you when you're at a very low point and need someone to understand or willing to understand. For your own benefit, leave him.
    some of them have faded but you can still them after years
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    I totally agree with what people are saying on here. If he's gonna react like that, then maybe he isn't worth your time? Nobody has the right to make you feel ashamed of your scars and make you feel like you have to hide them and never talk about it. That's not a healthy thing to do anyways.

    I have visable scars on my arm as well and when I told my best guy friend about it, he didn't say much, asked how long I had been doing it but that was about it. Your bf probably reacted the way he did because it was just out of his depth and he didn't know how to handle it. Perhaps he's never met anyone that self harms and so therefore doesn't really understand it? If it's playing on your mind a lot, then ask him why he doesn't like it. I mean, no one likes confrontation and it doesn't need to go into an argument, but idk, sometimes it's just better to talk about these things rather than brushing them to the side. Besides, he's your bf. Surely he's supposed to be there for you?

    Don't feel like you have to cover the scars with foundation if you don't want to. Physically covering up scars can be like emotionally covering up feelings and everything that happened as well. I'm here if you need to talk, just message me
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    (Original post by JuliusDS92)
    Don't try and "understand" it in terms of logic, because that's not how it works. No one thinks to themselves, rationally, that cutting open their skin will in any way make their situation better - that's not why people do it. It's purely emotional.

    Cutting yourself, and bleeding, can feel hugely cathartic, and is a tremendous way of "releasing" building feelings - resentment, anger, self hatred etc. It can also produce a slight "high" - pain can release endorphins, after all.
    Tightly gripping an ice cube apparently does the same thing though...
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    if anyone needs someone to talk to or to listen email
    [email protected]
    I can give you advice and help you through tough times
    xxx
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    sorry i havent read all the replies...

    i went through that too (i dont do it as much now). my boyfriend also didnt want to know at the start n said how i shouldnt do it etc..., the usual response.

    i then showed him a day later, i sighed and just did it. he then hugged me and understood.

    i know itd be hardto because of his response, but if you two want to be together i think its the only way. we weremore open when i showed him than beforehand
 
 
 
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