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How do you know when you don't love someone anymore? Watch

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    Erm, anon please or delete. Sorry for the essay.

    I have been in 4 relationships in my life. The previous 3 I have all fallen out of love with so to speak and ended the relationship. I have been in my current relationship for nearly two years. We talked about moving in with each other (it is mainly for convenience) but we both actually got excited about it and now we are moving on the 24th.

    However, our sex life has dwindled a lot as at the beginning of the relationship we had sex twice a day or more and now if I am honest I would rather just go to sleep. This has happened in all of my relationships. Sometimes I feel really happy with him and other times I don't feel it will be long term.

    My only issue is is that I suffer from depression and anxiety and generally feel unwell a lot of the time. I am not sure if this is what has caused the drop in my sex drive but then why would I have so much with him at the start as the depression has been an ongoing problem but has got noticeably worse the last year or so. I don't want to end things with him in case it is just my problems putting the strain on the relationship rather than us not being right for each other. I have no friends or anyone to ask about this.

    Has anyone been through anything similar or got any thoughts on what I should do?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Erm, anon please or delete. Sorry for the essay.

    I have been in 4 relationships in my life. The previous 3 I have all fallen out of love with so to speak and ended the relationship. I have been in my current relationship for nearly two years. We talked about moving in with each other (it is mainly for convenience) but we both actually got excited about it and now we are moving on the 24th.

    However, our sex life has dwindled a lot as at the beginning of the relationship we had sex twice a day or more and now if I am honest I would rather just go to sleep. This has happened in all of my relationships. Sometimes I feel really happy with him and other times I don't feel it will be long term.

    My only issue is is that I suffer from depression and anxiety and generally feel unwell a lot of the time. I am not sure if this is what has caused the drop in my sex drive but then why would I have so much with him at the start as the depression has been an ongoing problem but has got noticeably worse the last year or so. I don't want to end things with him in case it is just my problems putting the strain on the relationship rather than us not being right for each other. I have no friends or anyone to ask about this.

    Has anyone been through anything similar or got any thoughts on what I should do?
    Certainly depression can reduce your sex drive, guess at times it will be fine but other times it will cause you to not want it at all. Trouble is moving in just for convenience is not always a good idea to move in, you have to both really want to move in, not do it just for the sake of it. You say sometimes you are happy but others you are not, has the relationship gone stale or routine. Do you both go out much i.e to the cinema?
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    If you question your love for someone then I'd say you don't love them.
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    No matter what the movies or tv programs tell you, it is totally normal for sex to become less frequent as a relationship progresses. Sex and love are not automatically linked so you need to work what you don't want any more.

    I often can't be arsed having sex with my husband, mostly becAuse I'm tired or the baby is crying! I still love him very much though
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    (Original post by 1on4)
    Sex and love are not automatically linked so you need to work what you don't want any more.
    Agree with this 100%.

    Love can't be gauged purely on the frequency of sexual activity. If anything, people are more likely to be sexually active in the early stages of a relationship, before any solid feelings have established themselves. There are exceptions, of course, but it's a common pattern.

    But to answer your question about knowing when you don't love someone any more: I think there comes a point when you just know. It's not something you need to actively think about - after all, love is an emotion, not an idea - and it's rarely a sudden realisation.

    Naturally and over time, you'll begin to think about the person less and less. When once they were always in your thoughts, or at least just beneath the surface of them, eventually they no longer are. And it's not necessarily a bad thing, or something you should feel guilty about. Some relationships just run their course and there is no longer a spark there.

    In some cases, it may be a specific event that triggers the process. In other cases, there may never have been any love at all. But in most cases, it just happens whether we want it to or not. We can't trick ourselves into an emotion.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Certainly depression can reduce your sex drive, guess at times it will be fine but other times it will cause you to not want it at all. Trouble is moving in just for convenience is not always a good idea to move in, you have to both really want to move in, not do it just for the sake of it. You say sometimes you are happy but others you are not, has the relationship gone stale or routine. Do you both go out much i.e to the cinema?
    Well the idea started off as convenience because it kind of made sense. It was only when we talked about it seriously that we actually got excited about it. He lives with me and my family at the moment anyway, I guess that is a lot of the problem as we are living in a tiny space. No we don't really go out a lot because money has been an issue for a while. I admittedly don't like to go out much as I put on a lot of weight in hospital and none of my clothes fit me anymore. So that is all my fault not his.

    (Original post by 1on4)
    No matter what the movies or tv programs tell you, it is totally normal for sex to become less frequent as a relationship progresses. Sex and love are not automatically linked so you need to work what you don't want any more.

    I often can't be arsed having sex with my husband, mostly becAuse I'm tired or the baby is crying! I still love him very much though
    Yeah I kind of messed up the title a bit. I know I love him I just don't know if it is boyfriend or brother type love. It is hard to tell whether I genuinely don't fancy him anymore or I just don't want to have sex.

    (Original post by jwshaw89)
    Agree with this 100%.

    Love can't be gauged purely on the frequency of sexual activity. If anything, people are more likely to be sexually active in the early stages of a relationship, before any solid feelings have established themselves. There are exceptions, of course, but it's a common pattern.

    But to answer your question about knowing when you don't love someone any more: I think there comes a point when you just know. It's not something you need to actively think about - after all, love is an emotion, not an idea - and it's rarely a sudden realisation.

    Naturally and over time, you'll begin to think about the person less and less. When once they were always in your thoughts, or at least just beneath the surface of them, eventually they no longer are. And it's not necessarily a bad thing, or something you should feel guilty about. Some relationships just run their course and there is no longer a spark there.

    In some cases, it may be a specific event that triggers the process. In other cases, there may never have been any love at all. But in most cases, it just happens whether we want it to or not. We can't trick ourselves into an emotion.
    Yeah thanks, I know you are right. Although I know I cared about my boyfriends I have had I have never had that 'oh my god can't live without them' feeling. I'm not sure if it is just my way as I don't really feel much of anything unfortunately. I feel so bad for my current boyfriend as he is such a nice person, just feel like he deserves more.

    Thanks for the helpful replies.
 
 
 
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