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He is perfect, WHY don't I like him? Anyone else had this?! watch

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    I've spent the whole of this year in an on/off relationship with an ex. We like each other but ultimately don't get on - needless to say it got really horrible.

    So when I met this new guy it was like a breath of fresh air. He was wonderful and sweet! He's really nice, intelligent and really good looking. We're interested in the same sorts of things and physically things are good. He texts me and messages me every so often and has told me he really likes me. What I don't understand is why I don't like him more?! I mean, I don't not like him, but here is this genuinely perfect boy who I can see likes me. On paper he is my ideal guy, but I'm just generally not that fussed about him, which upsets me because he's a lovely boy and I don't want to hurt him.

    has anyone else experienced this before? it's so illogical and driving me crazy!
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    (Original post by just_a_girl_x)
    I've spent the whole of this year in an on/off relationship with an ex. We like each other but ultimately don't get on - needless to say it got really horrible.

    So when I met this new guy it was like a breath of fresh air. He was wonderful and sweet! He's really nice, intelligent and really good looking. We're interested in the same sorts of things and physically things are good. He texts me and messages me every so often and has told me he really likes me. What I don't understand is why I don't like him more?! I mean, I don't not like him, but here is this genuinely perfect boy who I can see likes me. On paper he is my ideal guy, but I'm just generally not that fussed about him, which upsets me because he's a lovely boy and I don't want to hurt him.

    has anyone else experienced this before? it's so illogical and driving me crazy!
    I can sort of empathise in that I was asking myself earlier today a similar question myself.
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    Yes, think most people have experienced this! it can be frustrating but i guess you can't force somthing that's not there
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    (Original post by just_a_girl_x)
    I've spent the whole of this year in an on/off relationship with an ex. We like each other but ultimately don't get on - needless to say it got really horrible.

    So when I met this new guy it was like a breath of fresh air. He was wonderful and sweet! He's really nice, intelligent and really good looking. We're interested in the same sorts of things and physically things are good. He texts me and messages me every so often and has told me he really likes me. What I don't understand is why I don't like him more?! I mean, I don't not like him, but here is this genuinely perfect boy who I can see likes me. On paper he is my ideal guy, but I'm just generally not that fussed about him, which upsets me because he's a lovely boy and I don't want to hurt him.

    has anyone else experienced this before? it's so illogical and driving me crazy!
    I know exactly what you're talking about. I went through a similar thing recently - he was great but unfortunately I just wasn't all that excited about him. I think the best thing is to not let things get any further because if you don't feel right about him now then you never will. Sometimes someone can seem so perfect, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're perfect for you.
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    Is it just him or are not fussed about any relationship?
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    (Original post by just_a_girl_x)
    I've spent the whole of this year in an on/off relationship with an ex. We like each other but ultimately don't get on - needless to say it got really horrible.

    So when I met this new guy it was like a breath of fresh air. He was wonderful and sweet! He's really nice, intelligent and really good looking. We're interested in the same sorts of things and physically things are good. He texts me and messages me every so often and has told me he really likes me. What I don't understand is why I don't like him more?! I mean, I don't not like him, but here is this genuinely perfect boy who I can see likes me. On paper he is my ideal guy, but I'm just generally not that fussed about him, which upsets me because he's a lovely boy and I don't want to hurt him.

    has anyone else experienced this before? it's so illogical and driving me crazy!
    Maybe it is because you are not used to being treated very well like a princess. At the same time you don't want to string this guy along if you don't feel there is anything there, as someone said further up, you can't force it.
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    Ive got this with my girlfriend at the moment. I find her really attractive and I love spending time with her so it isn't a big problem but I have been with her since Christmas and I still feel like if she told me she had shagged someone else, I wouldn't be that bothered.
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    Know that feeling!! I have a lovely friend who treats me like a princess and wants to be with me but I just have no romantic interest in him. With me I think it's low self-esteem - I think I'm worthless, so if anyone treats me well I think they must be off their rocker, and I put up with the *******s who treat me like crap because I think that's what I deserve. Do you have self-esteem issues?

    If not, it could simply be chemistry. A guy can be perfect on paper and a wonderful person, but if you don't want to get with him, you don't want to get with him, you can't change that!
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    I'm going through the exact same thing....I think I'm a commitmentphobe.
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    It's probably because he's not treating you like ****. :/

    If he were, you'd probably be on his **** by now - considering that he is very attractive. :ahee:

    In all seriousness, many women seem to have this problem - it could be due to you having low self-esteem/believing that you don't deserve good things in life (especially if you've been treated poorly in past relationships.)

    I'm quite unsure.. but if there is nothing there, then well there is nothing there. Can't blame yourself for it.

    Poor guy though.
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    It's because he likes you, you know it and you're a girl!
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    (Original post by just_a_girl_x)
    I've spent the whole of this year in an on/off relationship with an ex. We like each other but ultimately don't get on - needless to say it got really horrible.

    So when I met this new guy it was like a breath of fresh air. He was wonderful and sweet! He's really nice, intelligent and really good looking. We're interested in the same sorts of things and physically things are good. He texts me and messages me every so often and has told me he really likes me. What I don't understand is why I don't like him more?! I mean, I don't not like him, but here is this genuinely perfect boy who I can see likes me. On paper he is my ideal guy, but I'm just generally not that fussed about him, which upsets me because he's a lovely boy and I don't want to hurt him.

    has anyone else experienced this before? it's so illogical and driving me crazy!
    I'm in a similar situation. There is a guy on my course and I'm friends with him, but he really fancies me and wants to go out with me. He is nice and lovely but I'm not attracted to him at all. He's really not my type. He's just a friend to me. Trouble is, he won't stop pursuing me.

    You cannot force something that's not there. I don't want to date a bad boy - I want to date a guy who will treat me like a princess, but I don't want to date someone I'm not attracted to.
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    "We love those that don't love us, and those that love us, we ignore."

    That's the first thing that came to my head when I read your post, OP. :console:
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    "On paper he is my ideal guy..."

    Perhaps therein lies the problem. Although we all have our personal preferences of what to look for in a potential partner (some even go as far as making actual lists) it very rarely translates in reality.

    To offer a crude analogy, it's like when you're shopping for a product and see one that ticks all the boxes but still find yourself attracted to what is, on paper, an inferior model.

    The reason for this is that you can't really account for your feelings. They don't always reflect what seems like a logical choice, and often you're drawn to something, or someone, who you think you shouldn't be. It's confusing and illogical, but it just feels right.

    Indeed, many people have strong relationships with partners who aren't deemed their 'type'. But there's something else, an abstract force, a spark, or whatever you want to call it, that keeps them together. And clearly this isn't the case in your situation.

    That being said, it may also be an unconscious suppression of emotion. You mention your on/off relationship with an ex which came to an unpleasant end, and it could be that this is playing on your mind without you really knowing it. You may think you're ready to commit to a new relationship, but your feelings are reeling a little from the last one.

    As a previous poster has said, however, don't try to force something purely because you think it should be the right thing. You're not making a business decision, but an emotional one. If there are genuine feelings there for this guy, they will show themselves in time. If there aren't, they wont.
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    (Original post by just_a_girl_x)
    I've spent the whole of this year in an on/off relationship with an ex. We like each other but ultimately don't get on - needless to say it got really horrible.

    So when I met this new guy it was like a breath of fresh air. He was wonderful and sweet! He's really nice, intelligent and really good looking. We're interested in the same sorts of things and physically things are good. He texts me and messages me every so often and has told me he really likes me. What I don't understand is why I don't like him more?! I mean, I don't not like him, but here is this genuinely perfect boy who I can see likes me. On paper he is my ideal guy, but I'm just generally not that fussed about him, which upsets me because he's a lovely boy and I don't want to hurt him.

    has anyone else experienced this before? it's so illogical and driving me crazy!
    The answer is in the question. "He's really nice..." Typical friend-zone attitude.

    Since when have people's feelings gone by a check-list? You can't help who you like.

    I had this with a girl once. She was lovely, made an effort, but I just couldn't be bothered. For me, it was probably because I'd just come out of a horrible break-up, a couple of years on I'm still not interested in a relationship.
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    If you dont like him then i guess hes not perfect.

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    Low self-esteem is a possible reason, but sometimes when things are too "nice" and "perfect" it's just boring. You need a few sparks to light the fire.
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    Your description of the guy, nice, intelligent and attractive shows detachment in itself. It shows in that you list what he is like, not what he makes you feel. Why don't you feel more? Well, are we required to fall head over heels for every nice and attractive person we meet? I'd like to say that "Nice, intelligent and attractive" is somewhat a concept of what society would find successful and desirable, but beyond that there's a million things to a person. I wouldn't find it strange at all if you don't feel more for him. Give it time instead, there's nothing in the universe that says you need to feel that way for this guy or the next one. It doesn't have to mean you're damaged, or that he is boring. It takes two people who fit, at the right time in the right place. So chill =)
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    You can't force feelings for someone, even if you know they'd make a good partner. I've been with my boyfriend for four years and we have so many arguments about the future, what we want from our lives, struggles with money etc. One of my best lad mates likes me, and has since we were at school. He's the loveliest guy in the world, has a car, a job, fantastic prospects, likes the same things as me.. yet it's not him I love! You can't always apply reason to things like this. Just go with what you feel, not what you WANT to feel.
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    All these girls saying they want to be treated like princesses- are you eight?

    You can't rationalise attraction, there's no point in beating yourself up about it.
 
 
 
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