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How to break up with someone in a (nice) way? Watch

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    #1

    I need to break up with my long term boyfriend. This is something that's been coming on over the last couple of months but I kept fighting it down because I thought things would work out okay, but a combination of only seeing each other every few weeks in term time and the fact that we're growing into different people, makes me not able to see a future any more.

    I don't know how to tell him! Do I have to build up to it by making it obvious I'm not happy any more or just come straight out with it and tell him? We're both revising for uni exams at the moment and I don't want it to disrupt his revision or anything, but on the other hand I don't want to wait because it will just get worse and I'm no good at pretending things are ok.

    Some advice would be nice TSR.
    • #2
    #2

    Well, I can tell you what not to do, if that helps.

    Don't do what I did. Don't break up, feel sorry enough for him that you take him back, break up again, last a week, feel sorry for him and take him back again, and then break up again a month later.

    I got locked out of my own house for doing that. So don't do that.
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    I don't think it's very fair to break up with him so soon before his exams when he is revising. If you are only seeing each other every few weeks anyway, perhaps you can see/speak to him less over this time citing your work/being busy as the reason if asked? This might set the scene for breaking up with him after exams, and won't involve "pretending" affection etc
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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Sound advice

    Er trouble is that might have already happened ish. He broke up with me a while back but then we mutually (I think?) decided to get back together.

    Why did I not listen to the whole 'ex's are ex's for a reason rule'
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    I think avoiding a period of 'inexplicable' poor treatment and getting to the point is honourable. Offering, if you both can, to be a friend in the future would mean something to me...
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    (Original post by Pigling)
    I don't think it's very fair to break up with him so soon before his exams when he is revising. If you are only seeing each other every few weeks anyway, perhaps you can see/speak to him less over this time citing your work/being busy as the reason if asked? This might set the scene for breaking up with him after exams, and won't involve "pretending" affection etc
    Exams are in about 4 weeks, and after then end of the holiday (about 2 weeks) we won't be back home until 10 weeks after that. That seems an awful long time to string someone along for, unless I want to do it over skype :/
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    In person. Tell him you don't think it's working out and you're not happy. Then tell him why you think that is.
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    By putting your Facebook status back to single :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by aranexus)
    By putting your Facebook status back to single :rolleyes:
    I actually know someone who did this. In a long term relationship too :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Exams are in about 4 weeks, and after then end of the holiday (about 2 weeks) we won't be back home until 10 weeks after that. That seems an awful long time to string someone along for, unless I want to do it over skype :/
    There must be a point at which you can see him in person after his last exam? If you have to do it on the day of his last exam, whilst that's stealing his "end of exams" thunder I still think it's better than potentially jeopardising his study. I mean some people will throw them selves in to work after a break up, but some will fall apart

    You don't have to "string him along", just try to have less contact with him and say generally supportive (like a friend) rather than lovey-dovey stuff in what communications you do have.

    I don't know really I would just be scared to mess up his exams if it were me
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    (Original post by Pigling)
    There must be a point at which you can see him in person after his last exam? If you have to do it on the day of his last exam, whilst that's stealing his "end of exams" thunder I still think it's better than potentially jeopardising his study. I mean some people will throw them selves in to work after a break up, but some will fall apart

    You don't have to "string him along", just try to have less contact with him and say generally supportive (like a friend) rather than lovey-dovey stuff in what communications you do have.

    I don't know really I would just be scared to mess up his exams if it were me
    This, I really would hate for someone to do it during studying for exams. Unless you really cannot wait a few weeks I'ld say it's 2 weeks basically so that he doesn't screw up his exams.

    Then meet up with him sometime - I'ld rather someone broke up with me on Skype but didn't mess up my exams then did it in person just before them.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Pigling)
    There must be a point at which you can see him in person after his last exam? If you have to do it on the day of his last exam, whilst that's stealing his "end of exams" thunder I still think it's better than potentially jeopardising his study. I mean some people will throw them selves in to work after a break up, but some will fall apart

    You don't have to "string him along", just try to have less contact with him and say generally supportive (like a friend) rather than lovey-dovey stuff in what communications you do have.

    I don't know really I would just be scared to mess up his exams if it were me
    There is but the issue is, our unis are so far away from each other that it's only possible to go overnight since traveling takes the whole day, and this doesn't seem very practical because if we break up while he's at mine, it will be ever so awkward having to share a room for the rest of the weekend and vice versa for at his. Anyway my exams finish in like 7 weeks time so I won't have time for a weekend trip even after he's done.

    And I'm terrible at stringing people on. He probably already knows something's up because I'm an open book when it comes to stuff like this.
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    Definitely wait the four weeks until his exams are over - it would be awful if you broke up before then.

    Then, give it 2-3 days, and speak to him on Skype or on the phone, and just say you don't really feel the same way anymore (basically, what you have said here, tell the truth), and offer to meet up in person to talk in person if he would like to, but that you felt that you should let him know anyway.
 
 
 
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