I've been with my boyfriend nearly 7 months now and things are going amazingly. This isn't really a problem post, more of a 'am I being an idiot?' post.
Basically my boyfriend is the nicest guy ever and I'd known him nearly a year before we hooked up. He's so laid back and we've only really had one argument which I'll write off because it was a silly drunken argument about nothing really. He never tries to tell me what to do, he never gets jealous when I talk to other guys, he never moans about anything, and he's so patient (I take ages to get ready and am very indecisive about everything).
He's not very affectionate in public but I'll put that down to his social status because he's quite popular and I guess doesn't want to be made fun of by his mates. He's great and very affectionate behind closed doors but I doubt he'd ever admit that to anyone else. I think I'm being an idiot cos I really like him, he's the best boyfriend I've ever had but I feel like he's giving me too much freedom and am questioning whether he likes me as much as I like him. My previous boyfriends have been very controlling and very jealous and none of them ended very well, which is why I'm not used to this much freedom in a relationship.
The only real thing I'm a bit on edge about when I'm round his is that I slept with his housemate a couple of times in freshers week (a year before I hooked up with my current boyfriend) and I've asked my boyfriend if he's okay with it and he just sorta pushes the topic to one side and says he just wants to forget about it, which I get, but I get the feeling that he is bothered by it and that's the only thing that he dislikes about me.
I don't doubt that he loves me because he's never trying to pull other girls and he gives me a lot of attention when we're alone, always buying me presents etc. but he's going away for a few months soon and I'm wondering how it'll work out because I don't want to break up with him but I'm always with him and can't stand to be apart from him, and I don't want him to break up with me out of fear that he will be cheated on. He knows I cheated in one of my previous relationships a few years ago and I think that put him a bit on edge too.
Am I being an idiot or will it work out?
Can a boyfriend be too laid back? Watch
- Thread Starter
- 07-04-2013 16:21
- 07-04-2013 21:23
It sounds to me like you're in a pretty great relationship and you're looking for ways to sabotage it by letting your paranoia get the better of you.
He seems like a sound bloke, maybe a little shy about affection in public, but so what? This stuff about you sleeping with one of his housemates before you got with your bf is irrelevant as you weren't with him at the time... not even close.
- 07-04-2013 22:55
What was said above^
also, maybe if youve had bad relationships in the past youre used to things going wrong or being treated badly, so are expecting him to do the same, even if he never will. just relax and let go and enjoy what you have. otherwise youll create a problem from thin air and ruin a good thing.
- 07-04-2013 23:41
"I don't doubt that he loves me because he's never trying to pull other girls and he gives me a lot of attention when we're alone, always buying me presents etc. but he's going away for a few months soon and I'm wondering how it'll work out because I don't want to break up with him but I'm always with him and can't stand to be apart from him, and I don't want him to break up with me out of fear that he will be cheated on. He knows I cheated in one of my previous relationships a few years ago and I think that put him a bit on edge too."
This paragraph is the embodiment of the problem with your generation. My grand uncle went to fight in Yemen in the 1st world war and he came back after 20 years, his own mother could only recognise him by his voice. When he went to the front he was betrothed needless to say she waited 20 years. Moral of the story is if you can't wait for each other even a few months you never should have started.