Hey TSR, this is going to be a long one so please brace yourselves as there will be no tl;dr.
I'm faced with a bit of a dilemma which is causing me some trouble.
There's a girl I know on my course that I have a crush on but she's been acting really weirdly for the past few months.
We used to talk and joke around a bit (she is quite a shy, quiet and introverted person mind) and she suddenly started acting rather coldly towards me.
Anyway, back when this started, when talking to someone she knows on a different course (back when she started acting this way), she referred to me as a stalker (didn't mention me by my name but it was implied at the time, I wasn't a part of the conversation, I just happened to overhear it), she also said it recently too when talking to somebody else but this time online.
When talking alone in person, she doesn't say much and she acts nervously when around me.
Plus, whenever I'm alone in a lecture and she comes in alone, she goes down to the same row as me, moves along the row, and sits with a seat between us without saying a word.
Also, when talking to her online, she's started replying with only short/one word answers without dragging the conversation on like she used to.
When meeting (as a group) in the morning, I greet everyone and she usually remains silent when everyone says hi back.
So yeah, you're probably thinking, "ok, she caught on that you liked her and she obviously isn't interested".
Now for the confusing bit;
Not long after she first started acting weirdly, two of her friends that she lives with have started talking to me online, bearing in mind here that I'd never met either of them before, but they are quite nice to me (I half expected otherwise).
Plus, when we go to lectures as a group (6 of us usually attend things together) she still seems willing to and often ends up sitting next to me, despite easily being able to sit between two others in the group if she wanted to (she still rarely talks to me though).
I also often see her gazing at me out of the corner of my eye (when she thinks I'm not looking) with a smile on her face, she also plays with things a lot when she sits next to me (hair, phone, anything, but not when she isn't sat next to me).
When talking to me whilst in a group, she smiles and talks really quietly, but speaks louder, more confidently and with a more neutral expression to others.
Plus, a couple of weeks ago (before the eater break), I noticed that she was leaning sideways towards me with our arms touching in one of our lectures (she had plenty of space on the other side of her), and I know for a fact that she really dislikes people invading her personal space (she had been doing this to me before she started acting weirdly too).
So there it is. Surely if she thought I was a stalker/disliked me for whatever reason then;
1) she would simply ignore me (unfollow me on twitter and unfriend me on facebook).
2) her friends wouldn't have randomly started talking to me / would give the "stay away" vibe rather than the complete opposite.
2) she would not sit next to me.
3) she would not be smiling when talking to me.
4) she would not be invading my personal space.
Oh, and I'm pretty sure she hasn't been in a relationship before.
I'd also like to make it clear that I'm definitely not stalking her (or engaging in stalkerish behavior), unless attempting to start a conversation with her online once every few weeks is stalking .
Oh, and if she just happens to read this, can you please stop acting so weirdly or at least tell me to stay away from you if you don't want me to talk to you (or visa versa).
Awfully confused by a girl Watch
- Thread Starter
- 08-04-2013 00:19
- 08-04-2013 12:26
maybe she REALLY likes you but has no idea how to engage in progressive behaviour. I get the impression she may be quite a defensive person...in that she puts up a guard so she isn't left feeling vulnerable. This would make sense in why she told her friends you were a "stalker"..it's easier to push people away than it is to leave yourself open to disappointment. If she really didn't like you I think,like you said, she would just avoid you all together.
The other option is that she likes you enough to want you around..but not enough to jump all in. Almost like a comfort blanket. So she doesn't avoid you to make sure you're still there...but then acts coldly to make sure it doesn't go to far. But again, that's just a possibility.
Either way I think you should probably ask her what's going on...otherwise you will never know. I wouldn't confront her...maybe write her a little note and stick in her notepad or something?..nothing too serious but just be like "hey..is everything okay?" lol
- 08-04-2013 12:27
If she were not so confusing, she wouldnt be a girl.
- 08-04-2013 12:28
She obviously likes you! Sounds like shes playing hard to get.
- 08-04-2013 12:30
Yeah she likes you. Go for it.
- 08-04-2013 12:32
She likes you mate. If she didn't she wouldn't be acting weird.
- 08-04-2013 12:34
Um, I think you should just ask her 'hey, how's it going, is there any particular reason you don't seem to want to talk to me? I don't mean to put you on the spot, I'm just wondering if I've offended you in some way?'
The thing that concerns me, OP, is the stalker bit. That is not a nice thing to accuse or say about someone. She might just be enjoying the ego boost, whilst having no intention of actually going down the romantic path with you.
I'd just ask her to be straight with you, and if she just goes 'oh no you haven't done anything, everything's fine' (i.e. if she isn't being real with you), then I'd distance myself, go sit somewhere else, go FOCUS on someone else.
Yeah, gossipping to your friends about a 'stalker' is just way not cool.
- 08-04-2013 12:34
This is why we should be taught psychology of the opposite gender in sex education. Until then, just ask her what's going on.
- Thread Starter
- 08-04-2013 19:24
Thanks for the input guys. I'm really not sure how to approach her about it though.
- 08-04-2013 20:57
- 08-04-2013 23:04
All I'm going to say is that this is EXACTLY how I've been acting around the guy I like... talk to her, she probably likes you but is too shy to say anything. As for the friends, they probably know and are trying to talk to you in the hope that she will.