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    As the title says. I honestly have a problem with this and it's making me very depressive and unhappy. For some reason I have become absolutely obsessed with being good-looking (especially in comparison to friends). Whenever I meet another guy I instantly start comparing his looks to mine to try to figure out who's better looking. I've also signed up to so many of these 'rate my looks' type of websites I've lost count(I usually score slightly above average....if it's out of 10 I score a 6 or 7). I think all this stems from the fact that I'm suspecting I'm not really attractive in real life but I've never been able to confirm it. Also, girls tend to ignore me and go straight for my friends at clubs and bars.I usually feel really down if I feel like someone doesn't find me attractive even though I know I'm unattractive. Weird I know :s Aswell as being stupid,shallow and really quite a pointless obsession it also means I can't leave the house without first making sure everything looks PERFECT .

    I wanted to know if someone out there feels like this and how I can stop being such a shallow weirdo .
    Thanks.

    p.s I'm a boy. As girly as this sounds.
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    Think of attractiveness as more about confidence than looks. You can be as smoking hot as you want, but if you always choke on your words and are perpetually nervous, girls won't find you that attractive.

    The problem with the rate-my-face sites is that they don't tell you how attractive you are, just how visually appealing you seem on camera. In real life a little more depth will be required to get the kind of attention you're after.

    Good luck!
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    (Original post by Calpurnia)
    Think of attractiveness as more about confidence than looks. You can be as smoking hot as you want, but if you always choke on your words and are perpetually nervous, girls won't find you that attractive.

    The problem with the rate-my-face sites is that they don't tell you how attractive you are, just how visually appealing you seem on camera. In real life a little more depth will be required to get the kind of attention you're after.

    Good luck!
    Problem with me is I tend to not count any mental factors . I'm obsessing about being attractive purely going by physical terms. Basically if a girls went out with me but said I'm average looking but she like my personality and stuff I would feel unattractive. Stupid and I know it is but I can't stop thinking like that
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    (Original post by Calpurnia)
    Think of attractiveness as more about confidence than looks. You can be as smoking hot as you want, but if you always choke on your words and are perpetually nervous, girls won't find you that attractive.

    The problem with the rate-my-face sites is that they don't tell you how attractive you are, just how visually appealing you seem on camera. In real life a little more depth will be required to get the kind of attention you're after.

    Good luck!
    I agree,
    Much can be said for general countenance and being an approachable person, and just being happy and making other people happy.
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    Confidence says a lot and is something missing from images.
    A LOT about your character can be seen from how you act every day.
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    (Original post by sophia 1)
    I agree,
    Much can be said for general countenance and being an approachable person, and just being happy and making other people happy.
    But they only start counting when girls actually get to know you....and if you're not goodlooking it's hard to get girls to get to know you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But they only start counting when girls actually get to know you....and if you're not goodlooking it's hard to get girls to get to know you.
    I suppose, but if you approach a girl and are nice to them I reckon you've got way more of a chance than just being good looking. Personally when someone is kind it makes them seem more attractive, but maybe that's just me being a dreamer or whatever....
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    I understand your anxiety, OP.

    While most people claim they value a good personality and strong emotional connection over stunning looks, the 'shop window' effect of being in a night club or similar lends itself more to attraction based on looks. You're only being observed for a couple of hours - sometimes even minutes or seconds - so there is no time for potential partners to get a sense of the person behind the mask, as they might if they were to see you more frequently.

    Of course, what a person looks like is more often than not the gateway to the personality. And we've all been guilty of catching a glimpse of someone we find to be attractive, and double checking to make sure.

    That being said, if you're scoring 6 or 7s on these ratings sites, chances are there are a few 8s, 9s and 10s in there. Nobody is a 10 to everyone, just as nobody is a 1 to everyone.
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    (Original post by sophia 1)
    I suppose, but if you approach a girl and are nice to them I reckon you've got way more of a chance than just being good looking. Personally when someone is kind it makes them seem more attractive, but maybe that's just me being a dreamer or whatever....
    Not my experience but maybe I'm just unlucky. And that's cool I wish all girls were like that
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    Have you ever looked into BDD? It's classified as body dysmorphic disorder; I used to suffer with it majorly. You seem to exhibit some of the symptoms to me, but it might just be a confidence building thing you need to work on - which is, by no means, an easy feat. It takes a lot of time to get to a stage of confidence in yourself. If you want further information on BDD or advice on dealing with it or anything of that ilk then feel free to PM me
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    (Original post by jwshaw89)
    I understand your anxiety, OP.

    While most people claim they value a good personality and strong emotional connection over stunning looks, the 'shop window' effect of being in a night club or similar lends itself more to attraction based on looks. You're only being observed for a couple of hours - sometimes even minutes or seconds - so there is no time for potential partners to get a sense of the person behind the mask, as they might if they were to see you more frequently.

    Of course, what a person looks like is more often than not the gateway to the personality. And we've all been guilty of catching a glimpse of someone we find to be attractive, and double checking to make sure.

    That being said, if you're scoring 6 or 7s on these ratings sites, chances are there are a few 8s, 9s and 10s in there. Nobody is a 10 to everyone, just as nobody is a 1 to everyone.
    I'd rep you if I could. I actually think until you become very mature (25 and onwards) and you start becoming very serious about relationships looks are ALWAYS gonna matter more than personality. Just the way it works as depressing as it is I guess.
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    (Original post by ironandwine)
    Have you ever looked into BDD? It's classified as body dysmorphic disorder; I used to suffer with it majorly. You seem to exhibit some of the symptoms to me, but it might just be a confidence building thing you need to work on - which is, by no means, an easy feat. It takes a lot of time to get to a stage of confidence in yourself. If you want further information on BDD or advice on dealing with it or anything of that ilk then feel free to PM me
    I've looked into it. I think I might have something in that direction. What resonated with me the most in the description I read was that one of the symptoms is 'social phobia and social isolation'. I sometimes avoid friends in college or people outside in general or even meeting my mom downstairs because I feel too unattractive at that moment. It could be for sething as petty as not having brushed my hair or not having brished my teeth that morning. I'm just going to wait and hope it goes away.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Not my experience but maybe I'm just unlucky. And that's cool I wish all girls were like that
    gah, you sound like a nice person, good luck...
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    Looks are very powerful in all honesty. If someone is hot, they have immense power regardless of gender.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But they only start counting when girls actually get to know you....and if you're not goodlooking it's hard to get girls to get to know you.
    I would dispute that. You can tell a lot about a person from just looking at them. Your physical attractiveness if one thing you notice, of course, but you can also tell from someone's body language whether they're happy, confident, arrogant, self-loathing, etc etc. You need to focus on those deeper aspects than on your looks. I imagine you exude and air of insecurity and girls (and other people) pick up on that. And once you develop some confidence, you will start to find that you see yourself as attractive, even though your appearance won't change. Other people will notice a change in you too.

    Ironically, making yourself look "perfect" every day and posting on 'rate me' websites is probably not helping your confidence. It's making you focus too much on your appearance and any flaws you perceive in it. Nobody has a perfect face - there's no point trying to get one! You need to learn to be happy with what you have got.
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    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=2312969

    Read the experiences of some of the people in this thread and then come back and read through yours again to see how stupid it sounds
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    As the title says. I honestly have a problem with this and it's making me very depressive and unhappy. For some reason I have become absolutely obsessed with being good-looking (especially in comparison to friends). Whenever I meet another guy I instantly start comparing his looks to mine to try to figure out who's better looking. I've also signed up to so many of these 'rate my looks' type of websites I've lost count(I usually score slightly above average....if it's out of 10 I score a 6 or 7). I think all this stems from the fact that I'm suspecting I'm not really attractive in real life but I've never been able to confirm it. Also, girls tend to ignore me and go straight for my friends at clubs and bars.I usually feel really down if I feel like someone doesn't find me attractive even though I know I'm unattractive. Weird I know :s Aswell as being stupid,shallow and really quite a pointless obsession it also means I can't leave the house without first making sure everything looks PERFECT .

    I wanted to know if someone out there feels like this and how I can stop being such a shallow weirdo .
    Thanks.

    p.s I'm a boy. As girly as this sounds.
    I shall pass a little bit of advice i had from an old friend some years back, look in the mirror and see yourself as a 10, and act like it, you only live once with that mindset your get alot more out of life then settling for a 6-7 and your confidence will always be through the roof, you wont care what people think, just dont go all manic withit.
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    Your main problem is in thinking girls are only interested in the way you look.
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    (Original post by Rascacielos)
    I would dispute that. You can tell a lot about a person from just looking at them. Your physical attractiveness if one thing you notice, of course, but you can also tell from someone's body language whether they're happy, confident, arrogant, self-loathing, etc etc. You need to focus on those deeper aspects than on your looks. I imagine you exude and air of insecurity and girls (and other people) pick up on that. And once you develop some confidence, you will start to find that you see yourself as attractive, even though your appearance won't change. Other people will notice a change in you too.

    Ironically, making yourself look "perfect" every day and posting on 'rate me' websites is probably not helping your confidence. It's making you focus too much on your appearance and any flaws you perceive in it. Nobody has a perfect face - there's no point trying to get one! You need to learn to be happy with what you have got.
    Seriously! ^

    Once you start to understand this, you can move past the obsession with looks. Unless you have a mental disorder... in which case you might wanna swing by a doctor at some point.
 
 
 
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