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    If your ex messaged you after a few weeks or months, how would you respond?
    Would you be polite? Or honest, and say you miss him/her? Or how they mean nothing to you? Ignore them? Or play it cool? Act like you're over it and friendly?
    My ex messaged me yesterday, and I was just very shocked and kept it cordial. It probably came across wrong as now he is asking me if I dont want to speak to him thats fine, but to just let him know...
    I really want to tell the truth and say well Im waiting to find out the reason to his text as I messages him a while back and he was very cold and distant so why now? And he tends to message when he wants something or Iv done something I shouldnt have, but I dont want to seem like Im being mean


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    Tell him to **** off.
    (that's how I'd respond to mine, btw).
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    (Original post by Jabberwox)
    Tell him to **** off.
    (that's how I'd respond to mine, btw).
    Eek , guess things didnt end well :/


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    It all depends what happened in the relationship.

    If you don't want to get back together overall, then I'd ignore. You need space to get over it. Remember, it's not about scoring points.
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    (Original post by Yidette)
    It all depends what happened in the relationship.

    If you don't want to get back together overall, then I'd ignore. You need space to get over it. Remember, it's not about scoring points.
    Well i would. As we really and truly were in love. But then I think of how I've been hurt and his behaviour afterwards when there was the opportunity to get back together that then makes me think no


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    (Original post by Little_missy01)
    Well i would. As we really and truly were in love. But then I think of how I've been hurt and his behaviour afterwards when there was the opportunity to get back together that then makes me think no


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Ok, you sound unsure. Remember that when he texts, you don't have to reply rightaway. You can take some time out to think things through, ok, you have every right to do that.

    If you decide that, overall, it's not happening again - then cut contact, at least for a while, give yourself a chance to get over him.

    However, if you decide on the other hand that there's still something there, that if you can move past certain things he's done (and he can do the same for you, as there is always fault on both sides), and if you think you won't get as good as him again... then you need to open up communication, put your pride away and start fixing things. If he's willing to do that aswell, of course.

    ... I think deep down you know what's best. It's just a case of being disciplined enough to follow that route, when your ego may want to do something else.
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    (Original post by Yidette)
    Ok, you sound unsure. Remember that when he texts, you don't have to reply rightaway. You can take some time out to think things through, ok, you have every right to do that.

    If you decide that, overall, it's not happening again - then cut contact, at least for a while, give yourself a chance to get over him.

    However, if you decide on the other hand that there's still something there, that if you can move past certain things he's done (and he can do the same for you, as there is always fault on both sides), and if you think you won't get as good as him again... then you need to open up communication, put your pride away and start fixing things. If he's willing to do that aswell, of course.

    ... I think deep down you know what's best. It's just a case of being disciplined enough to follow that route, when your ego may want to do something else.
    This basically sums up everything I've been thinking!
    I spent all night thinking it over thats why he thinks Im ignoring him, but he knows I always have my phone on me and reply straight away, plus hes seen Iv been online so that just makes me think, whats he thinking
    You said cut contact, thats what we decided as wed decide to take some space and be friends but end up reverting back.
    And I did try to fix things, I text him a while back and his response was he isnt consciously ignoring me, which made me feel like well hes just given up and doesnt care, hence the suprise yesterday.
    The thing is, I have been in touch with a few people since. I do want to be with him but thins like him temper stops me, and then I meet someone else who maybe better career wise or sensitivity but then lack see here, so in a way I can do better but also I cant....
    Thanks for replying by the way


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    Tell him you don't want to keep in touch. He said he'd be fine with so he better be. If he starts asking why, just ignore.

    I have been in love with two men. If any of them contacted me now, I'd probably just ignore. There is a reason we aren't dating after all and there are 3 billion men on the planet, it's ridiculous to stay hung up on things that didn't work out. The people we date when we are very young won't last anyway. Game playing ("is he texting because he is wondering why I haven't texted") is for 14 year olds.

    When the past calls, you let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say.
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    (Original post by Little_missy01)
    This basically sums up everything I've been thinking!
    I spent all night thinking it over thats why he thinks Im ignoring him, but he knows I always have my phone on me and reply straight away, plus hes seen Iv been online so that just makes me think, whats he thinking
    You said cut contact, thats what we decided as wed decide to take some space and be friends but end up reverting back.
    And I did try to fix things, I text him a while back and his response was he isnt consciously ignoring me, which made me feel like well hes just given up and doesnt care, hence the suprise yesterday.
    The thing is, I have been in touch with a few people since. I do want to be with him but thins like him temper stops me, and then I meet someone else who maybe better career wise or sensitivity but then lack see here, so in a way I can do better but also I cant....
    Thanks for replying by the way


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    Okay, overall, I think you want to get over him, but are having a hard time sticking to it. The best thing you can do is tell him 'look, don't take this too hard but I need some time and space away from you. If there's any chance of us being friends in future, it's gotta happen after I move on, and I need time to do that, so please don't contact me again for a while. All the best.'

    Then, you simply do nothing. No texts, no calls, no happy birthdays, nothing. It's hard at first but will get easier. It's time to focus on you now.
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    (Original post by Yidette)
    Okay, overall, I think you want to get over him, but are having a hard time sticking to it. The best thing you can do is tell him 'look, don't take this too hard but I need some time and space away from you. If there's any chance of us being friends in future, it's gotta happen after I move on, and I need time to do that, so please don't contact me again for a while. All the best.'

    Then, you simply do nothing. No texts, no calls, no happy birthdays, nothing. It's hard at first but will get easier. It's time to focus on you now.
    If only I saw this five minutes earlier
    I ended up replying, and as usual somehow turned into an annoyance, whereby he just assumes and says dumb things and then finally he said he messaged to say its cos he misses me but his ego prevented him from doing it before blah blah...
    Thanks for the advice xx

    Edit; this is what Im going to send him, its something i wrote in the dear you thread a while back
    I loved u, i always have and probably in some ways always will. But, we both know it isn't enough. Your temper and lack of understanding whats important to me messes up things, it tarnishes my blissful moments with you. I could spend the rest of my life with u Adam, trying to keep that smile on ur face, watch the emotions in ur eyes, jus take care of u, create life with u, watch u becm everythn, feel ur presenc nx to me, but I need to leave u b, to achieve all u desire and succeed as i know u shall, i so wish u to be a part of it all, share your sucess with u, share ur happiness but i kno it cant b, I'll only hinder u and get in the way. You've lost your last chance. You've made up your mind and thats it, its clear i annoy u and we both deserve complete happiness. Who could treat u better than i tho, but whateva i do its never enough. Instead of taking the moment and understndng wht i try n say us rather b upset and angry. You say u love me but ur words and actions say otherwise. Sometimes i see your face and i feel so overwhelmed at how i feel for you that it scares me, i hear ur name n it tears me inside, other times i see you and I feel sick and disgusted and angry at you, but still i cant seem to tear away... Jus one touch fm u, an apologetic look and i forgive all. Sometimes i think that u made me happy and made me feel so right and sometimes i think no, u took me for granted and i wasnt a priority... Mayb ul realise this and it'll piss me off bt itl b too l8. I sy i dnt expct nyfn fm u, bt rly it jus hurts wen u dnt do nyfn cz id b willin to do as much as poss for u. Fr me it bcame as simple as we lv each other, theres nt rly any obstacl, so lets b together. but uv been ignoring me, i dont need smone who doesnt need me. But nywys, i can always say, i tried, i did everything i could, so ur the one that chose and did this.

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    (Original post by Little_missy01)
    If only I saw this five minutes earlier
    I ended up replying, and as usual somehow turned into an annoyance, whereby he just assumes and says dumb things and then finally he said he messaged to say its cos he misses me but his ego prevented him from doing it before blah blah...
    Thanks for the advice xx


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Yeah well it was obvious he misses you, he wouldn't bother contacting you otherwise. But the question was how do YOU feel about HIM.

    It's okay, draw the line now. Politely tell him to distance himself so that you can move on (and so can he).
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    (Original post by Yidette)
    Yeah well it was obvious he misses you, he wouldn't bother contacting you otherwise. But the question was how do YOU feel about HIM.

    It's okay, draw the line now. Politely tell him to distance himself so that you can move on (and so can he).
    Im unsure
    You're right
    I should just grow some balls and do it ! Lol


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    (Original post by Little_missy01)
    Edit; this is what Im going to send him, its something i wrote in the dear you thread a while back
    I loved u, i always have and probably in some ways always will. But, we both know it isn't enough. Your temper and lack of understanding whats important to me messes up things, it tarnishes my blissful moments with you. I could spend the rest of my life with u Adam, trying to keep that smile on ur face, watch the emotions in ur eyes, jus take care of u, create life with u, watch u becm everythn, feel ur presenc nx to me, but I need to leave u b, to achieve all u desire and succeed as i know u shall, i so wish u to be a part of it all, share your sucess with u, share ur happiness but i kno it cant b, I'll only hinder u and get in the way. You've lost your last chance. You've made up your mind and thats it, its clear i annoy u and we both deserve complete happiness. Who could treat u better than i tho, but whateva i do its never enough. Instead of taking the moment and understndng wht i try n say us rather b upset and angry. You say u love me but ur words and actions say otherwise. Sometimes i see your face and i feel so overwhelmed at how i feel for you that it scares me, i hear ur name n it tears me inside, other times i see you and I feel sick and disgusted and angry at you, but still i cant seem to tear away... Jus one touch fm u, an apologetic look and i forgive all. Sometimes i think that u made me happy and made me feel so right and sometimes i think no, u took me for granted and i wasnt a priority... Mayb ul realise this and it'll piss me off bt itl b too l8. I sy i dnt expct nyfn fm u, bt rly it jus hurts wen u dnt do nyfn cz id b willin to do as much as poss for u. Fr me it bcame as simple as we lv each other, theres nt rly any obstacl, so lets b together. but uv been ignoring me, i dont need smone who doesnt need me. But nywys, i can always say, i tried, i did everything i could, so ur the one that chose and did this.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    I know what its like when only one person tries to make the relationship work - its happened to me before. My ex took such a care free attitude and it always extremes with her, never any sort of stability. She never took the time to understand my point of view. In the end, like you I couldn't deal with, but funnily enough she ended dumping me! Ha!

    But its really nice to read how much effort you've taken to make it work. Really sweet
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    Everyone seems to be taking the immature approach to this, no offense.
    Obviously it is situation dependent but I think it is stupid to just "ignore" the past.

    People change.
    Sure you might not date again but it is always good to see how people have changed, and it gives you the opportunity to see what went wrong ... you could learn a lot by talking to someone who used to mean a lot to you.
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    (Original post by superduper9)
    I know what its like when only one person tries to make the relationship work - its happened to me before. My ex took such a care free attitude and it always extremes with her, never any sort of stability. She never took the time to understand my point of view. In the end, like you I couldn't deal with, but funnily enough she ended dumping me! Ha!

    But its really nice to read how much effort you've taken to make it work. Really sweet
    I wouldnt say he didnt make it work, he did. But there would be times when hed get used to me and stop trying. The thing thats got to me is the reason i broke up with him was family reasons and now they dont exist, so everythings okay, but instead hes rather wallow and stay hung up in the fact i seem to click my fingers and everythings okay. But, when he broke up with me and decided to get back together I took him back straight away

    And thanks lol ☺


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    (Original post by I'veGotAHadron)
    Everyone seems to be taking the immature approach to this, no offense.
    Obviously it is situation dependent but I think it is stupid to just "ignore" the past.

    People change.
    Sure you might not date again but it is always good to see how people have changed, and it gives you the opportunity to see what went wrong ... you could learn a lot by talking to someone who used to mean a lot to you.
    Thats what I was thinking
    But when most people have said just leave it, it made me think that I was being too dependent or silly


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    He just messaged saying;
    You think its easy for me to say that? Its as hard for me as it is for u, u knw how i bottle things up.. Ive tried to talk to you but u havent allowed me to, and i think i have a slight right to be rude and condescending after whats happend, and no i dnt like treating u like that but it hurts n it takes time getting over it n the fact that u think its so easy for it to normal again because u think the 'problems' solved gets to me.. U dropped me just like that n expect me to get bak up again with the click of ur fingers.. Not once have you said sorry and no im not looking for an apology its just it seems more trivial to you..

    Sorry that this has become abit boring lol


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    Update; I just asked him straight what he wanted
    And he said to stay in touch but only as friends
    I should have taken all your advice


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    I just ignored her. She's not after a friendly chat, she just wants me to speak to her so that she can feel satisfied that I haven't had the last word. She was selfish and manipulative and I'm not willing to stick around to see if she's changed or not.
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    (Original post by Little_missy01)
    He just messaged saying;
    You think its easy for me to say that? Its as hard for me as it is for u, u knw how i bottle things up.. Ive tried to talk to you but u havent allowed me to, and i think i have a slight right to be rude and condescending after whats happend, and no i dnt like treating u like that but it hurts n it takes time getting over it n the fact that u think its so easy for it to normal again because u think the 'problems' solved gets to me.. U dropped me just like that n expect me to get bak up again with the click of ur fingers.. Not once have you said sorry and no im not looking for an apology its just it seems more trivial to you..
    Posted from TSR Mobile
    A right to be rude and condescending to you? Just from that he does not sound like the type of person you want to be with. Trying to justify being rude to you just shows that he still thinks he's in the right and hasn't changed.
    All those who said to leave the past in the past were right.

    Start thinking about the future now, what you can do without him. I don't know how old you are or anything, but it probably means you can focus on studying/having a great time with friends/finding someone who is better for you or just having a fabulous time being single for a short while.

    In the words of Leona Lewis (not that I am a fan) 'It'll all get better in time' :cool:

    x
 
 
 
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