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In love with the guy I live with Watch

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    Hi

    So. Since I met the guy I am now living with I have felt a certain spark between us, but up until a few weeks ago I was already in a relationship with someone else (now over). One of the (many) reasons I ended things with my ex was because I am so attracted to and interested in this guy.

    Based on the way my housemate acts around me (nervous, differently from how he acts with other people, teasing me a lot, noticing things about me, sex-related comments, extra considerate, doing nice things for me and buying stuff for us to watch together etc) and the last 2 nights we spent together (ended up "cuddling" on the sofa and holding hands) I think he might feel the same way. However, he is quite shy and has low self esteem when it comes to relationships as he has been rejected a lot. I think this stops him from making a move, even though by my standards I am being very obvious in showing how much I like him!

    So my questions are: is it true that men, even when they are shy, don't like it when women make the first move? How can you either make or encourage the first move in a way that would minimize impact of potential rejection? etc. Thank you
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    I would love it if a girl made the first move, and I imagine he would too.
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    If he's shy, he's most likely not confident enough to make the first move, and would therefore be put at ease if you made the first move. As for potential rejection, just stick to watching films but try n make them more intimate?
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    From what you've said he likes you. Period. Just tell him how you feel and ask how he feels.
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    (Original post by Disputatio)
    From what you've said he likes you. Period. Just tell him how you feel and ask how he feels.
    How can you be sure of that, though? It might just be that he likes me as a friend - though I do get the impression he thinks I'm attractive, but then that doesn't really mean so much.

    I'm just a bit nervous firstly because we live together so if I get rejected it has serious potential for awkwardness. Secondly, I'm worried that even if he is interested if I actually come right out and express my feelings he will run away or get awkward because he finds it *very* hard to express his emotions and is nervous about r/ships etc (although he is always telling me that he wants a committed relationship). Thirdly, I'm a bit anxious about sex as my previous r/ship was with a woman and I've never actually had sex with a man before. /rant
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    He did spend a long time explaining to me about his nervousness around approaching women now and how he wishes they would make the first move. Do you think that might have significance?
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    (Original post by AngryAubergine)
    I'm in love the Mango, but she has locked hands with the Papaya. I'm heartbroken
    Very pertinent :p:
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    (Original post by rcummins1)
    If he's shy, he's most likely not confident enough to make the first move, and would therefore be put at ease if you made the first move. As for potential rejection, just stick to watching films but try n make them more intimate?
    Thanks Not sure how you make it much more intimate than just the two of you with dimmed out lights, wine, cuddling and hand holding together on the settee though tbh...
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    Hurry up and ask him out!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks Not sure how you make it much more intimate than just the two of you with dimmed out lights, wine, cuddling and hand holding together on the settee though tbh...
    From what you've said, it definitely sounds as though he likes you. No guy that I can think of would get himself into such intimate situations unless he liked the girl, particularly the holding hands bit. Maybe offer him a massage once you've finished watching the film and see how he reacts?
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    (Original post by rcummins1)
    From what you've said, it definitely sounds as though he likes you. No guy that I can think of would get himself into such intimate situations unless he liked the girl, particularly the holding hands bit. Maybe offer him a massage once you've finished watching the film and see how he reacts?
    Oh he creates the situations. He is always dimming the lights and trying to ply me with wine... but then he does drink a lot! The other night he suggested we go out before having a meal and watching a film. But again, these are all things you can do with friends and we do live together, so it's harder to tell if it's a date!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Oh he creates the situations. He is always dimming the lights and trying to ply me with wine... but then he does drink a lot! The other night he suggested we go out before having a meal and watching a film. But again, these are all things you can do with friends and we do live together, so it's harder to tell if it's a date!
    It's a date.
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    Also, how do you tell the difference between when a guy really likes you and wants a relationship, and when they just reallyyy want to have sex?
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    (Original post by Ronove)
    It's a date.
    :p: I know it seems that way. But it's just the two of us (with similar interests) living in a flat together so surely it makes sense that we would go out and do things together sometimes?
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    Oh also the holding hands thing lasted till 4 in the morning... He ended it but nicely, and he did have to travel home in the morning. Plus I think he had already postponed going home a day.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How can you be sure of that, though? It might just be that he likes me as a friend - though I do get the impression he thinks I'm attractive, but then that doesn't really mean so much.

    I'm just a bit nervous firstly because we live together so if I get rejected it has serious potential for awkwardness. Secondly, I'm worried that even if he is interested if I actually come right out and express my feelings he will run away or get awkward because he finds it *very* hard to express his emotions and is nervous about r/ships etc (although he is always telling me that he wants a committed relationship). Thirdly, I'm a bit anxious about sex as my previous r/ship was with a woman and I've never actually had sex with a man before. /rant
    Does he know that you are also attracted to guys as well as women? Women are more you by feely around gay guys and of he thinks you are only into women he may be doing the same?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He did spend a long time explaining to me about his nervousness around approaching women now and how he wishes they would make the first move. Do you think that might have significance?
    Oh come on that is just screaming out he likes you!

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    (Original post by notinuse)
    Does he know that you are also attracted to guys as well as women? Women are more you by feely around gay guys and of he thinks you are only into women he may be doing the same?
    After breaking up with my ex I told him that since doing so I have realised that I am definitely bisexual and would rather my next relationship was not with a woman.
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    (Original post by Stuufo)
    Oh come on that is just screaming out he likes you!

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    Is it? See, judging from the kinds of things he says, it's possible that he is madly and almost openly hinting at me all the time... In fact sometimes it seems just blatant. But I am quite wary of over-reading into things as I have done this in the past, and I am always a bit fearful in case of rejection.
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    (Original post by anonstudent1)
    I hope you used protection. JK sounds like he likes you, maybe hes not making the first move because you've only recently come out of a relationship
    haha!! Maybe... He was really nice about that. I said I was really nervous about breaking up with them and he said he would make me an amazing dessert once I'd done it to make me feel better. Then when we broke up he was supposed to be going to a work thing and instead he stayed for ages until the break up was over to make sure I was OK, & he wouldn't go without seeing if I wanted to come along first and whether I was alright. He seems to express himself more through actions than words.
 
 
 
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