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    I have a question that I've been worrying about a lot. I saw my grandmother die recently. She was in hospital and suffered multiple heart attacks, and died while struggling to breathe. I spent a whole night with her, and she was mostly well. She was the one that practically raised me and I was quite close to her, but in recent years she developed dementia and although it was mild, I felt she had lost her personality - she asked the same questions again and didn't really remember recent events. Hence, my interaction with her had become limited to 'how are you, how's uni going, make sure you study hard' etc.
    When it happened, I was very upset because it was so unexpected. But I think I had already started to accept that she would have suffered much more if she had stayed alive. Since that moment, I find that as soon as I remember anything about her that makes me feel upset, I can think of something else and block it out. When my mum talks about her, I feel upset for my mum but I can't feel upset for my grandmother if that makes any sense.
    I was studying a lecture about heart disease the other day (I'm a medical student) and it reminded me of her. I had to block out everything to focus otherwise I would get upset.
    Is this normal? I feel like a cold person, and heartless. Should I go to a doctor and talk to them about this?
    my university is also insisting on me meeting with the year tutor next week. What do I say? I feel fine. There's nothing else wrong with me
    Any advice would be appreciated, thank you in advance

    I'm not quite sure what you're suggesting is wrong. When my Grandma died yes I was sad, but I was never that close to her, so I got over it reasonably fast. I think it's a great bonus that you have managed to block out the feelings because it would otherwise stop you from getting on with things. Don't worry about it. It doesn't mean you're heartless, it just means you've managed to move on pretty fast, which is a good thing. I'm sure that she would have wanted you not to make a big thing of it ayway. I'm not sure how this relates to talking to your year tutor, though?

    Since it was so recent I think it'll probably be a while before you can really tell if you're dealing well with losing your grandmother or not. Might reassure you a bit though to know that after my aunt died of cancer (she was ill for a decent while before that) I felt bad, but mostly on behalf of my mum and cousins who were most affected rather than because of myself or my aunt, who is at least no longer suffering. I mentioned this to my psychiatrist and she said that it was perfectly healthy.

    With regards to your tutor I'd just be honest, e.g. say you think you're coping alright at the moment, but that you'll let them know if you ever find it affecting your studies in the future.
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