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    Me and my boyfriend have been together 3 and a half years and are at the same university. Recently I have been seriously considering ending things, but I am so worried I am making a big mistake or how he will take it. I am on a term abroad atm which makes it more difficult..

    On a few occasions throughout the years I have considered breaking up, mainly because I didn't feel like he made enough effort. It was always down to me to call or text or facebook and to make all of the plans. When we did meet which was once every week or so he would almost always leave me waiting for him for up to an hour with no explanation or sometimes forget we were meeting. Because of all of this I think I got used to being alone.. it felt like i didnt have a boyfriend. He has no drive to do anything, he has never had a job and therefore has no money which often causes more problems meeting and doing anything. He has barely met any of my friends and we never go anywhere together. Any discussion of us becoming more serious freaks him out. I feel like we're not going anywhere.

    I almost ended it in January because of these things but he told me i was being ridiculous, he didn't lie or cheat and was I really going to end things cos he wasn't very 'punctual'.. I have been away a month now and although I love him as a friend and I feel upset at the thought of not seeing him anymore I dont miss him like a boyfriend.. I am very confused. To complicate matters more he was diagnosed with depression a few weeks ago and I am scared he will do something to himself if i end it. I feel so selfish and confused

    the fact you are considering breaking up really answers your question. Do bear in mind though that you have been away, and, often a persons natural response is to want to distance themselves from emotional upset when they aren't able to confront it directly. It's easy to let thoughts accumulate when the other person isn't there to put your mind at rest.

    However, this isn't the first occasion where you have considered this and perhaps it is time to ask yourself "how long am I willing to accept feeling this way?" especially when you are putting in all the effort.

    Have you spoken about how you feel with him?. If he hasn't acknowledged how his behaviour is affecting you then maybe you need to make things a bit clearer. The fact he has depression may explain his behaviour, but it doesn't excuse him from wanting to try and salvage a relationship. IF he truly wants it.

    (sorry if that seemed long)
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Updated: April 11, 2013
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