Do you talk about ex's when in a new relationship?
Im going out with this guy and he often mentions his ex's (not in a loving way) just like 'we did this or she used to do this' and its always in a critical way.
Ive never really been in this situation before so just want to ask if its normal to talk about your ex's?
Its not exactly bothering me but it does make me wonder how can we move on if he constantly holds on to the past!
Ive never really been in this situation before so just want to ask if its normal to talk about your ex's?
Its not exactly bothering me but it does make me wonder how can we move on if he constantly holds on to the past!
Well it depends, obviously if they were going out for a long time and he's talking about holidays, trips, funny stories etc that happened while she was there then I don't see the issue, but if she's constantly being spoken about it for no reason would make me feel as though he's not over her or he's very bitter about their break up.
Yeah, I mean you say it in a critical way so that could either mean he is genuinely over her and mentioning her flaws in the hope of making you feel more comfortable that he is over her, OR, he is trying to convince himself that he is over her, when he might not be.
To be honest though I wouldn't look into it too much as it's only early days (I'm assuming?). As the relationship gets more serious I'm sure he will open up more about his past and then you can make a real judgement on his stance on his past relationship and whether that's going to work for you guys.
To be honest though I wouldn't look into it too much as it's only early days (I'm assuming?). As the relationship gets more serious I'm sure he will open up more about his past and then you can make a real judgement on his stance on his past relationship and whether that's going to work for you guys.
Original post by Anonymous
Im going out with this guy and he often mentions his ex's (not in a loving way) just like 'we did this or she used to do this' and its always in a critical way.
Ive never really been in this situation before so just want to ask if its normal to talk about your ex's?
Its not exactly bothering me but it does make me wonder how can we move on if he constantly holds on to the past!
Ive never really been in this situation before so just want to ask if its normal to talk about your ex's?
Its not exactly bothering me but it does make me wonder how can we move on if he constantly holds on to the past!
I once accidently called a girl by my ex girlfriend's name - does that count?
I speak about my ex to my current boyfriend when it relates to our conversation but didn't at the beginning of the relationship. If it is relating to the conversation you are having I.e you saying I really want to go paint balling and him going oh me and ...... went... Its pretty Normal in my opinion But if its randomly for not reason then it's slightly more weird :/
Em x
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Em x
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Well this is my first relationship so I occasionally hear about his. My boyfriend has very rarely spoken about his ex-s and its usually when we're arguing about his trust issues or when he's drunk (surprising how many times those occasions collide!). It can be a little irritating when he's telling me about something the two of us did one time and then realises it wasn't actually with me. To be honest, I don't particularly mind hearing a little about it...just so I can be better!
However if it's a common occurence and for no particular reason, then yes, I'd say you should probably talk to him about it first and if that doesn't help, then maybe you might need to consider that he still likes them?
However if it's a common occurence and for no particular reason, then yes, I'd say you should probably talk to him about it first and if that doesn't help, then maybe you might need to consider that he still likes them?
i think its fine then 
he never talks about 'good times' or anything
he never talks about 'good times' or anything 
Original post by Linnerzx
Yeah, I mean you say it in a critical way so that could either mean he is genuinely over her and mentioning her flaws in the hope of making you feel more comfortable that he is over her, OR, he is trying to convince himself that he is over her, when he might not be.
No, I don't talk about exes. Memories you have are irrelevant compared to memories you'll create and exes are exes for a reason.
I will be put off if a guy does it, regardless of whether he is positive or critical about the memories. First of all because it's boring, secondly because it indicates he's still emotionally invested. When you're completely over an ex, you hardly think about them and you neither miss them nor am annoyed by them. Whining about an ex is just as much of a red flag as speaking obsessively about them.
If you used to date someone in the same social circle, it should be casually mentioned though, just so that your partner is informed.
I will be put off if a guy does it, regardless of whether he is positive or critical about the memories. First of all because it's boring, secondly because it indicates he's still emotionally invested. When you're completely over an ex, you hardly think about them and you neither miss them nor am annoyed by them. Whining about an ex is just as much of a red flag as speaking obsessively about them.
If you used to date someone in the same social circle, it should be casually mentioned though, just so that your partner is informed.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Millie228
No, I don't talk about exes. Memories you have are irrelevant compared to memories you'll create and exes are exes for a reason.
I will be put off if a guy does it, regardless of whether he is positive or critical about the memories. First of all because it's boring, secondly because it indicates he's still emotionally invested. When you're completely over an ex, you hardly think about them and you neither miss them nor am annoyed by them. Whining about an ex is just as much of a red flag as speaking obsessively about them.
If you used to date someone in the same social circle, it should be casually mentioned though, just so that your partner is informed.
I will be put off if a guy does it, regardless of whether he is positive or critical about the memories. First of all because it's boring, secondly because it indicates he's still emotionally invested. When you're completely over an ex, you hardly think about them and you neither miss them nor am annoyed by them. Whining about an ex is just as much of a red flag as speaking obsessively about them.
If you used to date someone in the same social circle, it should be casually mentioned though, just so that your partner is informed.
You make some good points
we havent been together long and i dont really know how to tell him to stop mentioning her tbh!Original post by SummitOfReason
I went out with this one guy who always used to bang on about exes; especially the one who is still his 'best friend'.
He wouldn't even make valuable points about them often, quite often just talk about behaviour traits, or why they broke up... He often talked about one girl who broke his heart, telling me he 'reallly liked' her.
I always just found it unnecessary, plus since I havent been out with as many people as him I was always felt surprised when he brought up yet another ex - a different one. The way he'd say 'I went out with this one girl who...'. Or 'do you know...yeah I went out with her.' all the time introducing new exes just made me think, is dating just some kind of hobby for you? How long are we going to last?
Not unsuprisingly soon after I became just another ex to him I guess.
He wouldn't even make valuable points about them often, quite often just talk about behaviour traits, or why they broke up... He often talked about one girl who broke his heart, telling me he 'reallly liked' her.
I always just found it unnecessary, plus since I havent been out with as many people as him I was always felt surprised when he brought up yet another ex - a different one. The way he'd say 'I went out with this one girl who...'. Or 'do you know...yeah I went out with her.' all the time introducing new exes just made me think, is dating just some kind of hobby for you? How long are we going to last?
Not unsuprisingly soon after I became just another ex to him I guess.
Im really worried about that Ive only ever been in 1 relationship, never had sex etc. This guy has a different girl every other month. I dont even wanna ask how many girls hes slept with but he lost his virginity 8 years ago
Im not bothered about that really, but sometimes when he sends me messages of what he wants to do to me etc, i wonder if its something hes done before or not. Just makes me self conscious
I think there may be a few reasons. You can come to your own conclusion, but I'll just state in bullet points.
Keep in mind on average it takes 17 months to get over your ex (severity and depth of relationships do change but never the less good to mention).
1) Recently broke up with his girlfriend, so it's all still new to him, however may not feel anything towards her anymore.
2) Might be going out with you to forget his ex, therefore still not over her.
3) May just be showing what he's interested in.
4) Wants you to show him better.
5) Wants you to know his preferences and make sure this relationship lasts.
The possibilities are endless.
Better to just sit him down and ask him why he constantly does that.
Keep in mind on average it takes 17 months to get over your ex (severity and depth of relationships do change but never the less good to mention).
1) Recently broke up with his girlfriend, so it's all still new to him, however may not feel anything towards her anymore.
2) Might be going out with you to forget his ex, therefore still not over her.
3) May just be showing what he's interested in.
4) Wants you to show him better.
5) Wants you to know his preferences and make sure this relationship lasts.
The possibilities are endless.
Better to just sit him down and ask him why he constantly does that.
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