My main reason for writing this is to get things off my chest and ask for advice. I'm 17 (female) and recently I've had no motivation for school work or for going out, I cry over anything even the silliest thing and I'm constantly exhausted and wanting to eat. No I'm definitely not pregnant. I'm struggling with my self confidence to the point where I can't make eye contact and shop online not in stores as I can't do it. I cant go out without makeup and even then i feel out of place and like I cant do it. I'm also really struggling with my family, my dad could lose his job, my mum is having a hard time at work and consequently is very angry and frustrated at home and my sister can't bear to be in the same room as me. The main problem at home is my sister who is two years younger than me, she leaves a room when I enter, sits as far away from me as she can at tea, ignores me or tries to make me cry. When I talk to my parents about this they give the same excuse that she's "just tired" but this has been continuing for a year or so now and I want my sister back. It's impossible to talk to her as she just laughs at me, something that doesn't help my confidence as she does it at everything I do.
Recently I have moved schools and consequently lost contact with all my old fiends as I live in the country and they're far away. I'm classified as "odd" at my new school and have no friends so I get working at my studies in my free time there. I really struggle to even enter the common room at school as I have no confidence and have to arrive early to class so that I don't draw attention to myself by walking in with people there. My mum works at my school and teaches me in one of my classes, this results in a lot of teasing.
I don't feel comfortable in my skin, I have bad skin as a result of acne in previous years and get teased. I feel stupid in all my clothes and feel as though I don't belong and that I'm different. This was never a problem when I had my friends at my old school.
The one blessing in my life is my boyfriend. I've been with him for 4 months and he makes me feel comfortable and relaxed. Only problem is that a girl at my school really likes him but he doesn't realise. I don't want to lose him and am prepared to fight for him (not literally) am I just don't want my lack of confidence preventing me from doing all I can to keep him.
Any advice on anything would be gratefully received, thank you and sorry about the rant!
P.S. I never used to be like this, I was confident, outgoing and adventurous a few years ago and now I wish I had that confidence back.
- 11-04-2013 22:05
- 12-04-2013 15:12
Im 17 too and we both have exams coming up, I'm in my last year at school...how about you?
The final two years of secondary school are probably the hardest, and I'm afraid not much can change that. Because of this of course you are going to be under a lot of pressure, because apparently we have to plan our lives from here!
Carrying on with school problems, are there any clubs or activities or societies you can join? i know a lot of people will say this but, it is true, you will meet people with similar interests to you. This of course can develop into a friendship It is so great that you have your boy friend, have you tried to talk to him about this?
I know it can be really tough to tell someone so close to you what you have posted on here but i believe it would be the right step forward. I also think you should get in touch with your old friends! it may be difficult to see them but it's always so nice to know that there is someone outside school that you can confide in!!
if you are worried that they won't reply to you or whatever, then just think what could be the worst that would happen? I have to admit i just started to speak to a boy from my old school and i had to tell myself that so many times, because even if he didn't reply what would be the worst thing that would come out of that? i would feel a bit silly thats all!!
And i know what you mean about finding it hard to concentrate and wanting to eat :s right i can help you with the eating because I've recently gained a few i'll send you some links to good motivation pictures!!
With sisters it is always so tricky because you're always with them and because they're family you want to be able to confide in them... Your sister does sound like she is going through a more extreme side of puberty! Is it possible that she possibly has something thats really troubling her? i know it will be impossible to speak to her about it but if you sit your mum and dad down, or just one of them whichever is more comfortable for you.
I'm going to tell you things that i have been feeling and thinking about lately and i would really appreciate it if you would hear me out and let me finish before you say anything. Then talk about your sister and say- i know you think its just because she is tired and i understand that because she has exams and she's growing up BUT the way our relationship is going is making me feel really down and upset because we are meant to be sisters, and meant to be able to speak to each other like best friends. (Bit cheesy but they can handle it :P ).
This next bit is going to be really hard, you met tell them how you don't have many people at school that you can call a friend and that you see yourself as different from the people there.
They will try to reassure you, and you may not agree with their compliments BUT just say thank you... then ask them for help to find activity groups that relate possibly to your subject of interest or hobby and JOIN UP!!!
i personally love dinghy sailing so i do that in the summer and i meet some great people, take me a few days to actually get the courage to speak to them but you realise how easy it is after you've done it. Which is pretty annoying to be honest haha.
oh and go to your GP about your acne!!! There is a contraceptive pill that is actually great for getting rid of acne!!!! two of my friends are one it at the moment and they previously had really bad skin.
But honestly, reach out to those friends at school and whenever you get those feelings instead of having to think about those feelings and question them and then fall deeper into your thoughts- call a friend up! Or if you want you can email me- [email protected]
Also when you find everything is getting you down, make a playlist of your favourite songs, the CHEESIEST sing-a-long songs and lie down with either lights dimmed/just fairy lights/just a lamp on and put your feet up against the wall. I do this at school and at home and i find it really relaxes me. you might find that something else helps you like sitting in the shower with music.
please email me if you want to chat EVER! even the night before an exam... by the way what exams do you have this summer?
oh and remind me to send you the motivational links!
- 12-04-2013 15:13
By the way, if you are about to go tell your parent/s and you get scared email me and i won't make you go obviously but we can just chat it over if you want xxx
- 12-04-2013 17:37
Thanks! That's really useful advice. I looked into joining clubs at my new school but they're all sport clubs and I'm afraid I just end up humiliating myself in most sports. Unfortunately, I did not get my mothers sporty gene! I tried other clubs which weren't sport focused but the people in these clubs were people I was already acquainted with! I tried talking to my boyfriend but I'm really close to him and I'm too scared to lose him by confessing all of this to him (I already feel like I'm not as good a girlfriend as I could be to him but that's another thread haha). I have started messaging my friends but as we live so far away and none of us can drive its difficult to meet often.
Motivation pictures would be very much appreciated! I'm afraid that due to exam stress I am eating more chocolate than ever! I have also taken your advice with my sister. I tried talking to my parents several time but in reply all I got was that she's just tired and can't help it.
Your advice on being more relaxed was really useful thank you! Now feel much less stressed and know how to calm down in future. This summer I have 9 exams, geography, history and literature. What about you?
- 12-04-2013 22:48
oh my goodness don't worry you are definitely NOT alone with the sporty thing, i am laughed at by my brother because i am so lazy haha. motivational links coming right up...
I'm doing chem, bio and geography i think i have... 5 exams
i just had banana bread with chocolate and peanut butter!!!- my health kick is going SO well :P this just makes me feel a bit happier
this next one may not seem that great/impressive but trust me...omg don't over do it! seriously I've noticed a bit of a difference already.. well i like to think i have!
this next one might be a step too far .... :P http://sagacrow.tumblr.com/image/46100113818
good luck let me know how it goes!
- 12-04-2013 23:14
Trying that workout first thing tomorrow, thank you! They're really good (last one is a little extreme thought haha).