Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hey TSR,

    Not sure what I'm looking for here, but I'm pretty confused right now, and if anyone has anything useful to say, or has been through anything similar then I'd be grateful to hear it.

    I'm a 26 year old guy, who came out as gay 8 years ago. I've slept with a few guys since then, but never had a bf. This, as much as I ashamed to say it, was because I was never particularly comfortable with my sexuality. So much so that over the last few years I started creeping back in the closet. I never lied and said I was straight or even implied as much, but if people thought that I was straight I didn't correct it. At various points in my life I've wondered if I am bi. I mean, I overwhelmingly fancy guys, but sometimes the odd girl catches my eye. This isn't a big deal, as sexuality can be fluid, but my concern is that because I know my life would be easier as a straight guy, I am convincing myself that I fancy girls. It's very difficult though to think clearly about this.

    Anyway fast forward: I was recently at a party where I got blind drunk and ended being put to bed. However, someone I know got into bed with me, and we had sex. It was a female colleague, who apparently had fancied me for ages (I'm an idiot, and didn't see it). So I've seen her since, and we've talked about it. She's not just a colleague, but a really good friend so it was important for me that I didn't ruin our friendship. I've been honest with her and told her everything, saying that I didn't want to explore anything further sexually as although I was tempted I'm not sure it would go anywhere because of my sexuality. She was upset, but we've carried on talking since as our friendship is so important. However, it's been a couple of days, and I'm churning up inside as I want to see her. It's weird as it's not a burning sexual desire, but rather, because we were intimate I want to be close to her. But then I'm wondering whether it's because I'm lonely? I've never had a relationship, and whilst the sex was nice, it was actually much nicer just sharing a bed with someone. And besides, I can't suddenly change my mind now. This is further complicated by the fact I am actually emigrating in the next couple of weeks. She's known for a while, but still wanted to see where it went anyway.

    The rational side of me knows that I should just leave it, particularly as I'm leaving, but another part of me wants to do something - the problem is, I have no idea what that is.
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    Seems to be you are not sure what you really are, or maybe you are bi-curious, maybe it is something you need to talk to her about.
    Offline

    11
    Why are you so desperate to put a name on your sexuality?
    If you like somebody there shouldn't be any issue with pursuing something with them if they're up for it. Forget about deciding if you're gay / bi and just go for people (not genders) that you like; unless you feel repulsed by anything sexual with her in which case leave it because she'll only end up getting upset and think it's her fault.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Seems to be you are not sure what you really are, or maybe you are bi-curious, maybe it is something you need to talk to her about.
    You're right, but then equally, whilst I know I'm not god's gift, I don't want to leave open any possibility of anything happening with her, if I'm not sure. It would be cruel to let her down twice. Like I said, when I wrote this, I'm not sure what I wanted. I know I need to figure this out myself, but I just needed to get it off my chest.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by parpirate)
    Why are you so desperate to put a name on your sexuality?
    If you like somebody there shouldn't be any issue with pursuing something with them if they're up for it. Forget about deciding if you're gay / bi and just go for people (not genders) that you like; unless you feel repulsed by anything sexual with her in which case leave it because she'll only end up getting upset and think it's her fault.
    It's less that I'm desperate to put a label out, but more that I am desperate to know what it is now. It's precisely because I was previously desperate to put a label on it, that I have created so much noise and baggage in my head that I can't think clearly. I know that must sound odd, that I don't know what or who I desire, but I really don't.
    • Political Ambassador
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Political Ambassador
    I think all that's needed is a sit down in a quiet room and a good mulling over the whole situation to make your mind up about things. Seems like you're bisexual, mostly gay but still into girls. As has been said, don't limit yourself to one gender in terms of relationships.

    ****ing terrible analogy incoming... but saying I've got a plate of chips. I love burger sauce, and I love ketchup. Why just have one of them, when I like both and could have both in a seperate pot?

    Yeah, like I said, terrible analogy, but hopefully you get my point
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by WoodyMKC)
    I think all that's needed is a sit down in a quiet room and a good mulling over the whole situation to make your mind up about things. Seems like you're bisexual, mostly gay but still into girls. As has been said, don't limit yourself to one gender in terms of relationships.

    ****ing terrible analogy incoming... but saying I've got a plate of chips. I love burger sauce, and I love ketchup. Why just have one of them, when I like both and could have both in a seperate pot?

    Yeah, like I said, terrible analogy, but hopefully you get my point
    I imagine it is as simple as that. It's just a bit of a head **** - this is the first time I've slept with a girl. Once the dust settles, I'm sure I'll be less bothered about what sauce I smother my chips in (I'm sure there's some weird innuendo in there somewhere).
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 11, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you rather give up salt or pepper?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.