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How to break up with him? Any advice?? watch

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    Okay... set the scene. l started dating my best friend 2.5 months ago, known him for 5 or so years. He told me he loved me, I said it back on impulse, but I was never really sure (I made a thread on it earlier).

    I feel like... after thinking carefully, seeing how things were if I distanced myself from him and really just coming to terms with myself... I love him more like a friend, love him to absolute bits. But not as a boyfriend.

    So... bit of a pickle. I need to break up with him, because I can't be stringing him along any more, he's my best friend and I don't want to hurt him. But I need to make sure our friendship survives it, ill be gutted if it doesn't.

    Anybody have any advice whatsoever for me? I would really appreciate it guys, anything at all. Thanks.

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    'its not you, its me'
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    (Original post by whatevenislife?)
    'its not you, its me'
    Lol no.

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    lol why?
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    Just tell him the truth. It's the best way.
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    (Original post by whatevenislife?)
    lol why?
    Lol he'd hate me.

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    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    Lol he'd hate me.

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    yeah, the best way is to tell him the truth. failing that, if you didn't want to do that, just tell him your a lesbian, that way, no one gets hurt plus he gets to be turned on. everyones a winner.
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    (Original post by whatevenislife?)
    yeah, the best way is to tell him the truth. failing that, if you didn't want to do that, just tell him your a lesbian, that way, no one gets hurt plus he gets to be turned on. everyones a winner.
    LMAO. Okay I like the second idea, its a pretty fail proof plan :rolleyes:

    Okay, guys, im gonna be telling him the truth, but is there any way I can soften the blow? This is the first time im breaking up with anybody

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    The other issue is ive told him I love him, i said it on impulse, so im going to have to go back on that.

    Advice??

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    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    LMAO. Okay I like the second idea, its a pretty fail proof plan :rolleyes:

    Okay, guys, im gonna be telling him the truth, but is there any way I can soften the blow? This is the first time im breaking up with anybody

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    well, he going to be pretty upset, maybe set him up with someone else and tell him whilst breaking up with him, might make him feel better? sorry this is the first time ive given advice, hope its good.
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    (Original post by whatevenislife?)
    well, he going to be pretty upset, maybe set him up with someone else and tell him whilst breaking up with him, might make him feel better? sorry this is the first time ive given advice, hope its good.
    If I set him up with anyone else he'd just refuse to even try, I know his first reaction would be, wtf is wrong with you, why are you messing me up with another girl when you know im crazy about you.

    Hey I really appreciate your time btw, its actually really helpful (i know what not to do hahahaa). Thank you.

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    What exactly in him do you not like?
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    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    If I set him up with anyone else he'd just refuse to even try, I know his first reaction would be, wtf is wrong with you, why are you messing me up with another girl when you know im crazy about you.

    Hey I really appreciate your time btw, its actually really helpful (i know what not to do hahahaa). Thank you.

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    ah thanks, I think Ill leave the advice to other people just in case, they seem to give out good advice as all I do is tell you to set him up with other women and also become a lesbian. :o:$
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    (Original post by Gray Wolf)
    What exactly in him do you not like?
    Its just that we've been friends for so long, and I don't even know what it is but I preferred him so much more as a friend than a boyfriend!

    I can't help it, trust me I feel awful about it, but I just don't feel that attraction I suppose.

    He's amazing, he knows me inside out! So sweet, loves me to bits. But I just want my best friend back (

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    I'd say tell him the truth. Tell him you do love him, and at the time you thought you loved him in a boyfriend way but now you have realised that really it is more of a best friend love. The old 'I love you but I'm not in love with you.' Unfortunately, that seems the only way.

    Just tell him that you don't know whether things might change in the future but you don't want him to be with someone that isn't sure about him (i.e. you). And tell him that you really want to stay best friends and that you would be devastated to lose him. Then I think just give him some time to think about it and digest it, and tell him that you will leave him to get in touch with you when he's ready (although you could always send him a nice text/email afterwards to say that you are thinking of him and hope to see him soon, if he wants to).

    The key thing, I think, is to be very straight with him. Don't let him think that there is hope when there isn't, and don't give him mixed signals.

    Good luck, breaking up with people is tough at the best of times! :hugs:
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    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    Its just that we've been friends for so long, and I don't even know what it is but I preferred him so much more as a friend than a boyfriend!

    I can't help it, trust me I feel awful about it, but I just don't feel that attraction I suppose.

    He's amazing, he knows me inside out! So sweet, loves me to bits. But I just want my best friend back (

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    Not trying to be intrusive or anything but I just want you to explore your stance a little bit more.

    You said you want your best friend back, your partner or boyfriend what ever you would like to call it is supposed to be your best friend. Since you engaged in this relationship has the core attributes that made him your best friend changed at all?
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    (Original post by Louise1787)
    I'd say tell him the truth. Tell him you do love him, and at the time you thought you loved him in a boyfriend way but now you have realised that really it is more of a best friend love. The old 'I love you but I'm not in love with you.' Unfortunately, that seems the only way.

    Just tell him that you don't know whether things might change in the future but you don't want him to be with someone that isn't sure about him (i.e. you). And tell him that you really want to stay best friends and that you would be devastated to lose him. Then I think just give him some time to think about it and digest it, and tell him that you will leave him to get in touch with you when he's ready (although you could always send him a nice text/email afterwards to say that you are thinking of him and hope to see him soon, if he wants to).

    The key thing, I think, is to be very straight with him. Don't let him think that there is hope when there isn't, and don't give him mixed signals.

    Good luck, breaking up with people is tough at the best of times! :hugs:
    Thank you so much. That was really useful. I will do my best to be really straight with him and everything. Shall I just tell him I don't see us together in the future as well? Make it really clear?

    Also, another problem is, we have A LOT of mutual friends. They're going to hate me for this, I know already (they'll take his side because he was really desperate to be with me before but I kinda brushed it off, and they'll think I just strung him along for a few months and then broke his heart). Any advice dealing with them anybody?

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    he's always gonna hate you, atleast a little bit anyway.
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    (Original post by Gray Wolf)
    Not trying to be intrusive or anything but I just want you to explore your stance a little bit more.

    You said you want your best friend back, your partner or boyfriend what ever you would like to call it is supposed to be your best friend. Since you engaged in this relationship has the core attributes that made him your best friend changed at all?
    No thats fine, I really appreciate your time, thank you.

    Well, no, he's still just as nice and loving and helpful and understanding and a brilliant friend. The problem is, thats all I can see him as at the moment... I feel awful because he tells me he loves me, he does all of this sweet romantic stuff and im just really really confused.

    I misjudged when I entered the relationship. I thought I really liked him, whereas I just liked the feeling of being wanted so badly by someone (I know I am a horrid person, please don't judge me).

    I want to go back to best friends and just forget this relationship happened to be honest.



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    (Original post by consumed by stuff)
    he's always gonna hate you, atleast a little bit anyway.
    Thats so comforting.

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