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Advice please! Close family friends, awkwardness when paying for meals, days out etc watch

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    Sorry this is a bit long but please bear with me, I'd really appreciate some advice!

    Ok so, basically my parents are very close friends with a couple (let's call them Clare and Simon) and their daughter. I am 17, she is 13.
    I am also really close to Clare, we sometimes go out for coffee which she'd offer to buy, she's a bit like a second Mum to me and she gets me to babysit her daughter sometimes. I also get on really well with her daughter, she's just like a sister to me. I also help her with her homework too. I help their daughter with her homework perhaps twice a week and then they might invite my parents round for tea after, or Simon, Clare and their daughter will come for tea at our house. So I guess I do see them quite regularly, but mostly with my parents there too. Days out with, me, Simon, Clare and their daughter aren't that common to be honest. More so in the school holidays, I've probably been on a proper 'day out' with them about 3 times.

    However, I don't always think Simon likes me being around and that he doesn't like how Clare would buy me coffee etc, because she's a really generous person.

    I'll try put it into context:
    I looked after their house, their cat and dog for a few days when they were on holiday. Clare bought me a £50 pair of shoes to say thank you even though I had told her not to and I didn't mind doing it because she's my friend and she's done a lot for me and my family. Anyway, she wouldn't take no for an answer and got me them. However, she jokingly told me not to tell Simon because he's a bit tight with his money. Anyway, she caved in and told Simon and he had no choice but to accept it.
    Also, I got invited with them to go to our local shopping centre a few weeks ago. We went into a coffee shop and Clare went to sit down and get a table with her other friend who she had also brought with her on the day. Me, Simon and their daughter were queuing up, and I offered to pay for my drink anyway so that was that, but Simon bought everyone else a drink which is fair enough, I have no problems. Then we went for a lunch in the food court, Clare told Simon to give me and his daughter some money to get our food but because he's quite frugal he made it awkward and didn't want to give me any, again, not a problem, I had money to pay for my own anyway. Then, we went back to a cafe and I didn't want another drink so I just went to sit down with Clare and her friend whilst Simon went to get the drinks. Clare then turned to Simon and said, Simon, did you not even offer to get Chloe a drink?! I said it was fine and I didn't want one anyway and Clare was annoyed with him. Then, she dropped me off home on my own and she said, I'm sorry Simon didn't get you lunch today and I said it was fine, because it really was.

    The thing that's bothering me, is how I'm causing friction between everyone because Clare wants to buy me things but Simon understandably doesn't. It makes me feel super awkward and takes the enjoyment out of the day and being in their company. I don't know what to do about it and because Clare always insists, I'm starting to get the feeling Simon is fed up of me being around even though I don't really think it's my fault? What should I do?

    I don't have a problem with paying for everything, I would anyway.
    My issue is how I feel like piggy in the middle between Clare and Simon and how I feel Simon is starting to resent me because Clare insits to pay for things for me.

    What would you do if it were you?
    I love spending time with them all but on the rare occasions I get invited out with them, if Simon is there is just gets awkward because of how Clare likes to spend. I just feel a bit unwelcomed by him and I don't know what to do because my Dad and him are really good friends, likewise with my mum and Clare. I also love spending time with Clare since she's done so much for me, advice wise etc.
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    Personally, if I felt more like friends with Clare then just seeing her and Simon as my parent's friends then I would talk to Simon. I would take him to the side and ask him what the deal is. Say that you *can* pay for your own things, you're not asking and you appreciate that Clare is kind enough (and possibly has enough money I assume) to pay for your things once in a while. Ask him to try and recognize this! Tell him that you feel awkward and that it doesn't have to be awkward at all!

    However, that's probably for the more open person. If you don't feel that's appropriate, why don't you ask your Dad to speak to him? Or even Clare?

    Just say he makes you feel awkward around the whole paying for things situation and if they'll talk to him about it/what you want to come of the conversation

    Good luck!
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    (Original post by bethambitious)
    Personally, if I felt more like friends with Clare then just seeing her and Simon as my parent's friends then I would talk to Simon. I would take him to the side and ask him what the deal is. Say that you *can* pay for your own things, you're not asking and you appreciate that Clare is kind enough (and possibly has enough money I assume) to pay for your things once in a while. Ask him to try and recognize this! Tell him that you feel awkward and that it doesn't have to be awkward at all!

    However, that's probably for the more open person. If you don't feel that's appropriate, why don't you ask your Dad to speak to him? Or even Clare?

    Just say he makes you feel awkward around the whole paying for things situation and if they'll talk to him about it/what you want to come of the conversation

    Good luck!
    I don't want to come between him and Clare which was why I haven't said anything. I also don't feel that comfortable to talk to him like that since I kind of get the feeling he resents me a bit. Yeah, he knows I don't mind paying for things, like when we went out for a coffee I said I'll get mine and the same was with me getting my lunch. I just have no power over Clare offering which she always will even if I told her not to (which I have several times). I thinking about mentioning it to my Mum if it happened again so if she felt it was necessary she could mention it to Clare. It's just annoying because I enjoy being in their company and so do my parents and we all have a good time together.
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    Filled your purse with a load of notes and prove you can pay :P
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    (Original post by CodeJack)
    Filled your purse with a load of notes and prove you can pay :P
    haha good plan! The thing is though I can pay, it's not that I can't. Even if I had all the money in the world, Clare would still insist on paying sadly, which Simon doesn't particularly like.
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    (Original post by hobnobrobber)
    haha good plan! The thing is though I can pay, it's not that I can't. Even if I had all the money in the world, Clare would still insist on paying sadly, which Simon doesn't particularly like.
    If Clare buys you anything, pay simon the equivalent money?
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    aw. clare sounds like a fantastic person! why dont you talk to her about the matter¿ say how it makes you feel uncomfortable ad you would rather pay for the stuff yourself.

    i am pretty sure she wont mind and will understand you! you dot see many "claires" these days...

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    (Original post by ce303ce303)
    aw. clare sounds like a fantastic person! why dont you talk to her about the matter¿ say how it makes you feel uncomfortable ad you would rather pay for the stuff yourself.

    i am pretty sure she wont mind and will understand you! you dot see many "claires" these days...

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    She really is and that's what makes me hate the situation!! Because I don't want to come between her and Simon. I think I might just try keep my distance for a little while so Simon doesn't feel as if I'm forcing my way in and he's the one who has to foot the bill. Hopefully it should relieve a bit of tension!
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    Got a bit of an issue now. My Mum went round to visit Simon and Clare and now she's annoyed at Simon for a couple of things he said. One of them was about me 'annoying him' the other day when we went out to the supermarket despite me and his daughter not being anywhere near him in the shop the entire time, and his daughter isn't exactly the best behaved person ever. Especially when it comes to trolleys and running people's feet over....
    I feel like I've been blamed for 'messing about' which was totally unfair especially to say he wasn't even there most of the time in the supermarket to even know.
    Simon also said a rather insensitive comment towards someone we know who's ill, which again has annoyed me and my parents.
    Because of this, I literally do not want to see Simon. Clare is worried that she'll lose my Mum's friendship but my Mum has said she won't.
    My Mum and I have said it's best if we all keep our distance for a few days (Clare and Simon don't know this) and if I go round to Clare and Simon's house for whatever reason, that I don't treat it like my home at all, (ie - putting my feet up on the sofa etc) because then Simon can't say anything bad about me.
    I don't know what to do now because I don't want to be in Simon's company at all, I thought he was a bit funny about me anyway, but what he's said has just confirmed that for me and has confirmed my feelings towards him. But it then puts me in an awkward position in terms of Clare and when I help out their daughter with homework, which has always been good for me in terms on income which I couldn't exactly afford to stop doing?
 
 
 
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