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my soon to be adopted doesn't like me. HELP watch

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    my foster dad and foster mum are going to adopt me and the adoption is final in may. my new brother was teaching me something in the lounge and my new granny came in (she is visiting for the weekend) She gave me a look of disgust and said "oh your still here then." She then went and hugged my brother. My new sister came down the stairs and granny hugged her when my new 22 year old sister came over she got a hug aswell my 7 year old bio sister got a hug but I didn't she even hugged my dad. My dad saw I was upset so he had me sit on his knee and gave me a hug. My new granny had just come back from cyrpus and got nearly everyone a present she got my mum and 2 sisters either a neckalce or a braclet she got my bio sister a doll my dad got a bottle of wine and my brother a swiss army knife with his name engraved. My dad asked her if she got me anything and she just said no because I am nothing to do with her.It really upset me because for the past few weeks I hear your part of the family now and all this. My sister was playing with her dolls and I went and got the clothes I used to have for my dolls when I was younger and I was helping my sister dress dress them up and my Granny said that I shouldn't be doing that because there not my dolls. I can't spend time with any of siblings when Granny is here because she doesn't like me. What should I do?
    She also said tomorrow she is taking my mum, my 2 new sisters and my bio sis out for a girly day. I have to stay at home. Why is she doing this?
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    Because she is a colossal **** most likely? I can't believe your dad actually sat there and let her do that to be honest.

    She might warm to you with time hopefully, but i can understand why you are upset.
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    Man, I wish I could help you. I think she has something against you? Or maybe it's just the fact she's never been in this situation and doesn't know how to handle it? I'm really not sure.
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    She's probably just worried about the family. It can be quite a big thing for a family, especially the older members, to accept someone from the outside into their family.

    It dosent excuse what she's doing though, I would have thought that she would be big enough to at least be nice to you, I would have said that what you've described is borderline neglect/abuse. You could try talking to her directly, but the best thing to do would be to talk to your adopted parents.

    Remember none of this is your fault.

    Tom
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    Hey Lilly

    It sounds like she's just refusing to accept you as part of her family. Old people are weird like this - they're stuck in their ways. Perhaps she doesn't approve of your parent's action of properly adopting you either.

    You should speak to your parents. Let them know how you feel and see if they are feeling the same way. Try asking them to talk to granny and see if they can get her to warm to you.

    Ultimately though, this isn't about granny. This is about you and the rest of the immediate family. So long as you're all happy together then you don't have a huge issue.
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    (Original post by Idle)
    Because she is a colossal **** most likely? I can't believe your dad actually sat there and let her do that to be honest.

    She might warm to you with time hopefully, but i can understand why you are upset.
    I asked my dad why he didn't do anything and he said because he didn't want to upset my mum. She rarely see's her mum. I get a lot of attention from my dads parents though
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    (Original post by lillyxoxox)
    I asked my dad why he didn't do anything and he said because he didn't want to upset my mum. She rarely see's her mum. I get a lot of attention from my dads parents though
    If she doesn't see her a lot i'm guessing you hopefully won't have to?
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    (Original post by dathtom)
    She's probably just worried about the family. It can be quite a big thing for a family, especially the older members, to accept someone from the outside into their family.

    It dosent excuse what she's doing though, I would have thought that she would be big enough to at least be nice to you, I would have said that what you've described is borderline neglect/abuse. You could try talking to her directly, but the best thing to do would be to talk to your adopted parents.

    Remember none of this is your fault.

    Tom
    I don't want to upset my mum she rarely see's her. I can see my mum is happy. She wasn't in the room when she was being mean
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    (Original post by mikeyd85)
    Hey Lilly

    It sounds like she's just refusing to accept you as part of her family. Old people are weird like this - they're stuck in their ways. Perhaps she doesn't approve of your parent's action of properly adopting you either.

    You should speak to your parents. Let them know how you feel and see if they are feeling the same way. Try asking them to talk to granny and see if they can get her to warm to you.

    Ultimately though, this isn't about granny. This is about you and the rest of the immediate family. So long as you're all happy together then you don't have a huge issue.
    I thought that at first but she is happy at the fact that my sister is getting adopted. My younger sister is biological. She loves her
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    (Original post by Idle)
    If she doesn't see her a lot i'm guessing you hopefully won't have to?
    Yeah that's true. The thing is I try and not let it bother me but it still really hurts. My oldest sister found me in my room crying because of what my granny says when she said. Oh I see your still here that hurt me a lot
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    (Original post by lillyxoxox)
    I don't want to upset my mum she rarely see's her. I can see my mum is happy. She wasn't in the room when she was being mean
    I get that, but you shouldn't have to put up with sh*t from someone who should know better. From the sounds of things, go to your Dad. He'll know the best way to bring it up with your mum and maybe your granny.

    DO something about it. Like I said you shouldn't have to put up with it. Staying quiet won' solve anything. If I was in your Dad's shoes I would have been outraged at her behaviour and have serious words with her.

    She needs to grow up.
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    Your dad should have said something even if your mum hardly see's her. I would have been outraged at her behavior. You don't deserve to be treated so badly but then again old people are weird in the sense their views are set in stone and maybe shes having a hard time accepting someone else into the family. Your parents should talk to her to try get her to warm to you and at least not treat you like dirt.
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    I don't know if it's any consolation, but my remaining biological granny doesn't like me. She's never sent me a birthday card although she sends them to my younger brother, his wife and children. She forgot my first birthday and my Mum had a huge row with her about it which she never got over - that was 49 years ago! I see her once a year at Christmas and all she does is try to pick arguments with me and criticise me, and then she has the cheek to complain that I never visit! She buys me a Christmas present, but she'll always leave the price label on (never more than £3) and takes great delight in telling me that she bought it at a jumble sale (my brother and his family get vouchers for places like Next, M&S and HMV). It's actually turned into a family joke, which I don't mind at all. I'd rather we laugh about her than let her cause more trouble.

    Old people (and some younger ones!) can be ruddy strange at times. Sometimes the smallest things can trigger bad feeling that lasts for decades. It's very complicated in your situation, but try to see it as your Gran not coping with the situation, rather than disliking you as a person - after all, it doesn't sound like she knows you.

    Your Mum and Dad might not choose to confront her about it. If she's anything like my Gran, she bears grudges and it could alienate her from the entire family for the rest of her life. It doesn't mean that they think she's right or that they love you any less. And in the final analysis, your Gran's an old lady and she probably won't be around to deal with much longer. It's an argument which you are always going to win in the long run. It's just a matter of time. A sad way of looking at it, but probably the one which will keep you sane.

    Chin up and try not to let her make you sour towards other people. You're a much better person than her! x
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    (Original post by Klix88)
    I don't know if it's any consolation, but my remaining biological granny doesn't like me. She's never sent me a birthday card although she sends them to my younger brother, his wife and children. She forgot my first birthday and my Mum had a huge row with her about it which she never got over - that was 49 years ago! I see her once a year at Christmas and all she does is try to pick arguments with me and criticise me, and then she has the cheek to complain that I never visit! She buys me a Christmas present, but she'll always leave the price label on (never more than £3) and takes great delight in telling me that she bought it at a jumble sale (my brother and his family get vouchers for places like Next, M&S and HMV). It's actually turned into a family joke, which I don't mind at all. I'd rather we laugh about her than let her cause more trouble.

    Old people (and some younger ones!) can be ruddy strange at times. Sometimes the smallest things can trigger bad feeling that lasts for decades. It's very complicated in your situation, but try to see it as your Gran not coping with the situation, rather than disliking you as a person - after all, it doesn't sound like she knows you.

    Your Mum and Dad might not choose to confront her about it. If she's anything like my Gran, she bears grudges and it could alienate her from the entire family for the rest of her life. It doesn't mean that they think she's right or that they love you any less. And in the final analysis, your Gran's an old lady and she probably won't be around to deal with much longer. It's an argument which you are always going to win in the long run. It's just a matter of time. A sad way of looking at it, but probably the one which will keep you sane.

    Chin up and try not to let her make you sour towards other people. You're a much better person than her! x
    You're 50?!
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    (Original post by IlexBlue)
    You're 50?!
    50 next year. My Granny is particularly persistent :rolleyes: I was rather hoping she'd have gone gaga by now and forgotten the whole sorry nonsense, but even as a 90 year old, she's still sharp as a tack. Just my luck...
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    (Original post by Klix88)
    50 next year. My Granny is particularly persistent :rolleyes: I was rather hoping she'd have gone gaga by now and forgotten the whole sorry nonsense, but even as a 90 year old, she's still sharp as a tack. Just my luck...
    I used to think grannys spoiled kids. my granny always tells me off instead. my daddy always stands up for me .
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    (Original post by dathtom)
    I get that, but you shouldn't have to put up with sh*t from someone who should know better. From the sounds of things, go to your Dad. He'll know the best way to bring it up with your mum and maybe your granny.

    DO something about it. Like I said you shouldn't have to put up with it. Staying quiet won' solve anything. If I was in your Dad's shoes I would have been outraged at her behaviour and have serious words with her.

    She needs to grow up.
    I told my dad about their day out tomorrow and he said he is taking me out to see a film and get a meal tonight and tomorrow he is taking me shopping. I love going shopping with my dad
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    (Original post by lillyxoxox)
    my foster dad and foster mum are going to adopt me and the adoption is final in may. my new brother was teaching me something in the lounge and my new granny came in (she is visiting for the weekend) She gave me a look of disgust and said "oh your still here then." She then went and hugged my brother. My new sister came down the stairs and granny hugged her when my new 22 year old sister came over she got a hug aswell my 7 year old bio sister got a hug but I didn't she even hugged my dad. My dad saw I was upset so he had me sit on his knee and gave me a hug. My new granny had just come back from cyrpus and got nearly everyone a present she got my mum and 2 sisters either a neckalce or a braclet she got my bio sister a doll my dad got a bottle of wine and my brother a swiss army knife with his name engraved. My dad asked her if she got me anything and she just said no because I am nothing to do with her.It really upset me because for the past few weeks I hear your part of the family now and all this. My sister was playing with her dolls and I went and got the clothes I used to have for my dolls when I was younger and I was helping my sister dress dress them up and my Granny said that I shouldn't be doing that because there not my dolls. I can't spend time with any of siblings when Granny is here because she doesn't like me. What should I do?
    She also said tomorrow she is taking my mum, my 2 new sisters and my bio sis out for a girly day. I have to stay at home. Why is she doing this?
    This kind of reminds me of my life ten years ago.

    My parents divorced after having my brother and sister but got back together a couple of years after I was born. So my Dad isn't my Bio but he is my dad- I've known no different, I have his surname and after my parents separated I lived with him. However, my Nan took years to come around to the idea, she always called him Dave indead of Dad as a kid and she once said to my brother and sister 'How's your half-sister?' Yep, they went crazy.

    She did come around, eventually. She sends me pretty grandaughter cards at Christmas and my name was mentioned at my Grandad's funeral. However, I was left out of the will but there's probably a few reasons for that.

    She will come around, it's just a shock to her system. Old people are weird like that. Have you ever called her Granny to her face? If you haven't maybe that will make her warm to you? Give her time, if she's good at sowing maybe ask her to help you etc?
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    (Original post by lillyxoxox)
    I told my dad about their day out tomorrow and he said he is taking me out to see a film and get a meal tonight and tomorrow he is taking me shopping. I love going shopping with my dad
    That's really good! I would rather spend a day out with my Dad any day!
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    (Original post by lillyxoxox)
    I used to think grannys spoiled kids. my granny always tells me off instead. my daddy always stands up for me .
    Yep, sometimes adults can be pretty disappointing and it must put your Mum in a nasty situation as well. But good for your Dad standing up for you. It's nice that he can be on your side.
 
 
 
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