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    Before going to uni I joined all these groups about uni to find out about the university, where the uni is and get to know people before I went to make friends beforehand. I ended up talking to this guy who was really sweet we constantly spoke for a month and then in uni we met up drunk and basically got into a relationship very quickly. However at the same time I was having problems in my house so I decided to move to another form of accommodation which was a million times worse, so I spent pretty much 99.9% of my time at my boyfriends house which wasn't too far from where I live. I moved all my things into his house, I mean everything, I don't know anyone in the house that I'm technically living in (not the house with my boyfriend i mean the new one I never go to, since I "live" with my boyfriend) apart from that their all mature students (i'm 19) and I no longer have feelings for my boyfriend. This is all very complicated, because realistically we aren't compatible, only as good friends and I feel like I have nowhere to go, I tried breaking up with him before but he burst into tears begging me not to go and I guess it was too hard to say no I feel so bad by not telling him the truth he's a good guy but I don't think I can break up with him before the end of this university year is over, because I can't face the whole I'm leaving you and now I'm moving out stage :/ I feel so guilty, if I stay with him it's like I'm using him for his house, and if I leave I'm stuck with people who are 30/40 years older than me who I know nothing about :/ any advice guys? :/
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    Stay with your bf. From what you say, he sounds like a nice guy. Don't be a b***h.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Before going to uni I joined all these groups about uni to find out about the university, where the uni is and get to know people before I went to make friends beforehand. I ended up talking to this guy who was really sweet we constantly spoke for a month and then in uni we met up drunk and basically got into a relationship very quickly. However at the same time I was having problems in my house so I decided to move to another form of accommodation which was a million times worse, so I spent pretty much 99.9% of my time at my boyfriends house which wasn't too far from where I live. I moved all my things into his house, I mean everything, I don't know anyone in the house that I'm technically living in (not the house with my boyfriend i mean the new one I never go to, since I "live" with my boyfriend) apart from that their all mature students (i'm 19) and I no longer have feelings for my boyfriend. This is all very complicated, because realistically we aren't compatible, only as good friends and I feel like I have nowhere to go, I tried breaking up with him before but he burst into tears begging me not to go and I guess it was too hard to say no I feel so bad by not telling him the truth he's a good guy but I don't think I can break up with him before the end of this university year is over, because I can't face the whole I'm leaving you and now I'm moving out stage :/ I feel so guilty, if I stay with him it's like I'm using him for his house, and if I leave I'm stuck with people who are 30/40 years older than me who I know nothing about :/ any advice guys? :/
    You can't stay with someone with no feelings, yeah he will be hurt if you break up with him but do you really want to stay in this just for the sake of it.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    You can't stay with someone with no feelings, yeah he will be hurt if you break up with him but do you really want to stay in this just for the sake of it.
    Ahh rubbish, I know plenty of people that have stayed with people they don't have 'feelings' for.

    Do you still get on? Is the sex still good? Are they any real issues beyond the 'spark' being gone? If not then I'd suggest you stick it out, and in the last week or two talk about how you've begun to feel. Breaking up at this point wont really solve anything, and if you're still getting on great etc then what's the issue?
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    Ahh rubbish, I know plenty of people that have stayed with people they don't have 'feelings' for.

    Do you still get on? Is the sex still good? Are they any real issues beyond the 'spark' being gone? If not then I'd suggest you stick it out, and in the last week or two talk about how you've begun to feel. Breaking up at this point wont really solve anything, and if you're still getting on great etc then what's the issue?
    But if you got no feelings for that person what is the point in forcing something that isn't there.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    But if you got no feelings for that person what is the point in forcing something that isn't there.
    Who says they're forcing anything? How many marriages persist for years when everyone admits the 'spark' is gone? How many young adult <21 relationships consist of much more than the initial attraction and compatible personalities? How many of them actually 'love' each other? I'm betting not the majority, and even those that do probably persist for months before the 'love' is there.

    This notion that 'love' or the 'spark' has to be there all the time is mad to me. Why can't you be happy being with someone who is a great mate, who you have sex with and spend a lot of time with?
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    Who says they're forcing anything? How many marriages persist for years when everyone admits the 'spark' is gone? How many young adult <21 relationships consist of much more than the initial attraction and compatible personalities? How many of them actually 'love' each other? I'm betting not the majority, and even those that do probably persist for months before the 'love' is there.

    This notion that 'love' or the 'spark' has to be there all the time is mad to me. Why can't you be happy being with someone who is a great mate, who you have sex with and spend a lot of time with?
    If she doesn't like the as anymore than a friend and lives with him, yet he has feelings for her than shes just using him.
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    (Original post by Gjaykay)
    If she doesn't like the as anymore than a friend and lives with him, yet he has feelings for her than shes just using him.
    I disagree. I think in most relationships one party feels more strongly about the relationship than the other.

    I think perhaps my perspective is incongruent with yours though, I don't particularly identify with the concept of 'love.'
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    It sounds like you're already pretty decided that you're going to stay there and not move back in with the mature students. My advice would be if you don't have to see your boyfriend on a daily basis (like in your classes) and you have different social circles and can avoid too many awkward situations then end it, move back out and get on with life. People break up all the time, you'll both get over it eventually. It sounds harsh but you might even feel a relief when you get out of there and realise you can survive on your own in a house full of strangers! It sounds like he has been a bit of a crutch for you starting uni and you've never really experienced it on your own, so to speak. I had the exact same thing when I started uni and for my first 2 years. In my final year I didn't have a boyfriend to constantly see and it was amazing how different the experience was. However if you really think breaking up would be too hard on both of you then stay.

    As someone who experienced absolutely dire house mate situations at uni I can totally relate on that front, but have you tried chatting to any of the people in your house, like if you ever catch them in the kitchen or whatever? They might not be all that bad
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    I disagree. I think in most relationships one party feels more strongly about the relationship than the other.

    I think perhaps my perspective is incongruent with yours though, I don't particularly identify with the concept of 'love.'
    I agree with you on one person liking another more, but they need to at least both like each other more than friends, don't they?
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    (Original post by Gjaykay)
    I agree with you on one person liking another more, but they need to at least both like each other more than friends, don't they?
    I don't think so to be honest. As I said, all I think a relationship really needs is a good friendship vibe, with the added extra of liking spending a lot of time together, much of it alone together. And for me, a sexual aspect, those are all the things a relationship requires, I suppose to make it 'the one' you might need 'love', but to me love is such an abstract concept it seems silly to make it requisite for a relationship.
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    Why did you move out of your first halls?
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    (Original post by Gjaykay)
    I agree with you on one person liking another more, but they need to at least both like each other more than friends, don't they?
    This, if one person doesn't feel the same as the other in the relationship then it is not going to work.
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    I moved out because I was the only female living there in the end because everyone moved out because a. the house was unbearable to live in cleanliness wise (i know it's expected in uni but some people still struggle with living in a dirty house) and b. 3 out of the 6 people living there were friendly the others wouldnt speak to us and it caused awkward atmospheres in communal areas. We haven't had sex for months and we do still get on we have a lot in common but at the same time we're both very different, I'm outgoing and he isnt and i guess he was my crutch i couldn't have put it any better heather, we do argue a lot though, about housework and the lack of sex, he is also very negative about everything and i guess it's starting to rub off on me, and he's also very very clingy and when i politely point things out to him which make me feel uncomfortable and try to confront him about it he gets very defensive and angry and turns it into an argument :/ I guess it's something we'll have to talk about
 
 
 
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