Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    So I’ve been seeing this guy for around 3 months, we’ve been on dates, and have done everything except sex. The reason for this is he always says he’s just looking for fun and I know once I sleep with him I’ll just get attached and I will want more than just fun. I have had a few sexual partners before and this has happened. I thought things would fizzle out when I left the city that we both went to uni in, but we still carried on texting. I wanted to end things because every time we meet up he always bangs on about other girls he’s going to pursue and that all he wants from me is fun. That’s fair enough, and its kind of what I want, but I cant have sex without getting attached. Last week I met him at a party, and he tried to play hard to get by talking to all my friends and not me. I ended up talking to this hot guy, which later the guy that I had been seeing told me he wasn't hot. He also told me it wouldn’t bother him if I got with other people, but to me that seems like he’s jealous. One of his friends told me that he was smitten with me at the party. We ended up going back to his house and hanging out for a couple of days, still not having sex. He was really affectionate, we cuddled a lot and he kissed my head when I was asleep. I told him I was leaving so I thought that was the end but then he texted me starting the conversations up again. A part of me can’t help but feel he cares a bit, but then again the other part is telling me to run and not look back. He always goes on about other girls and plays play ground tactics. Do you think he cares about me, or am I a nobody he just wants to sleep with and move on?
    Offline

    2
    Ahhh, reminds me of high school. All that drama!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I’ve been seeing this guy for around 3 months, we’ve been on dates, and have done everything except sex. The reason for this is he always says he’s just looking for fun and I know once I sleep with him I’ll just get attached and I will want more than just fun. I have had a few sexual partners before and this has happened. I thought things would fizzle out when I left the city that we both went to uni in, but we still carried on texting. I wanted to end things because every time we meet up he always bangs on about other girls he’s going to pursue and that all he wants from me is fun. That’s fair enough, and its kind of what I want, but I cant have sex without getting attached. Last week I met him at a party, and he tried to play hard to get by talking to all my friends and not me. I ended up talking to this hot guy, which later the guy that I had been seeing told me he wasn't hot. He also told me it wouldn’t bother him if I got with other people, but to me that seems like he’s jealous. One of his friends told me that he was smitten with me at the party. We ended up going back to his house and hanging out for a couple of days, still not having sex. He was really affectionate, we cuddled a lot and he kissed my head when I was asleep. I told him I was leaving so I thought that was the end but then he texted me starting the conversations up again. A part of me can’t help but feel he cares a bit, but then again the other part is telling me to run and not look back. He always goes on about other girls and plays play ground tactics. Do you think he cares about me, or am I a nobody he just wants to sleep with and move on?
    Seems to me he just wants to be friends with benefits (I.e doing things without any kind of commitment) - maybe he does care but you ought to speak to him and make it clear how you feel...if he really cares, he'll be willing to stay committed. Otherwise, it's probably best not to continue with him...but as I said, speak to him and see what his views are!
    • TSR Support Team
    Online

    19
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I’ve been seeing this guy for around 3 months, we’ve been on dates, and have done everything except sex. The reason for this is he always says he’s just looking for fun and I know once I sleep with him I’ll just get attached and I will want more than just fun. I have had a few sexual partners before and this has happened. I thought things would fizzle out when I left the city that we both went to uni in, but we still carried on texting. I wanted to end things because every time we meet up he always bangs on about other girls he’s going to pursue and that all he wants from me is fun. That’s fair enough, and its kind of what I want, but I cant have sex without getting attached. Last week I met him at a party, and he tried to play hard to get by talking to all my friends and not me. I ended up talking to this hot guy, which later the guy that I had been seeing told me he wasn't hot. He also told me it wouldn’t bother him if I got with other people, but to me that seems like he’s jealous. One of his friends told me that he was smitten with me at the party. We ended up going back to his house and hanging out for a couple of days, still not having sex. He was really affectionate, we cuddled a lot and he kissed my head when I was asleep. I told him I was leaving so I thought that was the end but then he texted me starting the conversations up again. A part of me can’t help but feel he cares a bit, but then again the other part is telling me to run and not look back. He always goes on about other girls and plays play ground tactics. Do you think he cares about me, or am I a nobody he just wants to sleep with and move on?
    Sounds like he don't care and as you say he just wants sex, I suggest if you don't want to be hurt then you should end things now.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    You say that fun is 'kind of all you want', but I think you need to be honest with yourself. You've made a thread about this and it's obviously bothering you. It's quite clear that you want more from him. You also say that having sex will make you become attached and that's why you've just stuck to everything but, but I'd say you're already attached. Kissing, touching and oral sex are still intimate (especially the latter). There's less of a distinction between these acts and sex than you think. If you don't enjoy hearing about him pursuing other women then stop hanging out with him. I think when women get into these situations they will convince themselves that they are not attached and not bothered by a lack of monogamy and affection, and will ignore any signs that they are becoming emotionally involved. Until you can spot these signs and act accordingly (i.e. stop having sex) then it's best to stay away from these sorts of situations.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
    You say that fun is 'kind of all you want', but I think you need to be honest with yourself. You've made a thread about this and it's obviously bothering you. It's quite clear that you want more from him. You also say that having sex will make you become attached and that's why you've just stuck to everything but, but I'd say you're already attached. Kissing, touching and oral sex are still intimate (especially the latter). There's less of a distinction between these acts and sex than you think. If you don't enjoy hearing about him pursuing other women then stop hanging out with him. I think when women get into these situations they will convince themselves that they are not attached and not bothered by a lack of monogamy and affection, and will ignore any signs that they are becoming emotionally involved. Until you can spot these signs and act accordingly (i.e. stop having sex) then it's best to stay away from these sorts of situations.
    I guess theres a big part of me that does care and the other part feels like I'm not good enough, because then he would want more than just this whole friends with benefits thing. The worst feeling is putting all this effort into something and to never make an impact, I'll just be forgotten, its just hard to realise.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I guess theres a big part of me that does care and the other part feels like I'm not good enough, because then he would want more than just this whole friends with benefits thing. The worst feeling is putting all this effort into something and to never make an impact, I'll just be forgotten, its just hard to realise.
    I can see why this situation could make someone feel inadequate, but you need to realise that you most probably aren't. Men generally are physically attracted to a lot of people but will see very few of them as relationship material. I'm sure that you see very few guys as boyfriend material. Do you see all the men you wouldn't have a relationship with as inferior? I'm guessing no. I'm sure there are probably guys you deem very decent and a real catch, but for whom you just don't feel anything. Throughout life most people won't have feelings for you. You're just in the unfortunate situation of wanting more from someone who won't give more.
    When this guy goes on about the girls he wants, I doubt he sees them all as girlfriend material. Most likely he just wants to sleep with them all. Men like different women. You cannot label yourself categorically undesirable because one guy doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. No one is categorically desirable or undesirable. If they were, life would be difficult. You'll meet someone who wants you, trust me.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 13, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brexit voters: Do you stand by your vote?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.