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Are you very intense in a realtionship or more relaxed? Watch

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    I was just wondering this, me and my boyfriend have been together 2 years, we see each other maybe once a week sometimes only every 2 weeks not because we cant see each other more but that we both have our own lives, he works im at uni he does football i have my own sports we have 2 different groups of friends etc etc. I have no intention of moving out of home till im 25 (and can afford to rent or buy ) he'll be 29 by then and its 5 years away but to me this seems the most normal objective approach, I want to do uni get a job for 2 years live on my own for a year then move in with him
    He is the same as me he's moving in with his friends for a few years so they can have a 'lads' pad.


    Yet one of his friends has been dating a girl he met for about 5 months, they see each other every single day stay over 5 times a week, theyve already started house hunting talking of getting married all in the space of a few weeks. Theyve been of travelling together and never seem to spend a day apart from one another.


    They ask why im so 'distant' with my boyfriend why dont I want to spend more time with him, do i not love him or somerthing Which is crap as I love him to bits I just dont feel the need to sacrifice my whole life for my boyfriend and him the same.


    So am i the wierd one are people really this intense in relationships?
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    I'd say you're both on the extreme ends of this. Ditching your friends and personal goals for a relationship is clearly unhealthy, but it's about striking a balance. It is unusual to be satisfied with so little contact with someone you love, but if it works for you then fair enough.

    Your attitude is unusual, so maybe it is weird, but who cares if it makes you happy?

    I'd say I'm more relaxed, I'm not great at communicating, like texting a lot, and I hate making long term plans, I'm very much a "see how it goes" guy. But I would ideally like to live with my girlfriend of nearly two years soon.
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    Some couples after spending some amount of time together start to 'calm down'. You guys know you love each other and don't exactly need to meet every other day. Most initially spend a lot of time together before they calm down. I would be interested in knowing if that was the case with you guys. If so, that's perfectly normal. However, if you guys have always been distant, well then I would be a little surprised since I've hardly ever across someone like that.


    A lot of couples however, love spending an awful lot of time together (like your boyfriend's friend's case). Some best friends do the same. Its like they like spending time with each other to an extent that they don't feel the need to talk to someone else. Its a great feeling to be felt understood by someone. And well there are some couples who are just beyond comprehension that's my view anyway
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    We don't see each other that much but it certainly feels like it's more intense than relaxed.

    Not sure if that's a good thing or not though :eek:
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    I'd say it's kind of in the middle. Me and my boyfriend see other usually three times a week, which I guess is in the middle. We both have our own lives. I go to college and do a lot of work at home, go to fitness classes and see my friends quite often. He goes to a different college, goes to work and sees his friends as well. We have completely different circles of friends seen as he is two years older.

    I love having time to myself to do the things I want, and I love being with my boyfriend as well - I think it works really well. However, I do know people who spend basically 5 days a week with their boyfriend/girlfriend which I think is a bit excessive - I'd love to spend that much time with my boyfriend, but we've both got other stuff to do and it gives us a chance to miss each other. :-)
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    my younger sister and her boyfriend are literally never apart. He goes to uni- she dropped out, if hes busy she sulks and phones him about 3 times a day. When he's home from uni (ie every weekend and pretty much every other week) they dont leave one anthers side... dont particularly DO anything, just watch tv together. She dropped out of uni because it was too far away from him and she'd only see him in the hols. now she's applied to go on his course at his uni. so they're both chuffed... she now has no other friends and neither does he because they are all fed up of her blowing them off to be with him/ not having anything to talk about other than him.

    Not to be harsh.. but it makes me want to shake them. They have been together 2 years, they are both 18. Their relationship is just smothering... neither of them will ever let the other one have a moment to themselves, they are both paranoid about one another meeting someone better and regulalr argue about how "he put kisses on her fb" or"she texted my flatmate"

    lol, sorry rant over.... im going to get back in my box....
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    I'm pretty relaxed, but never uncaring or anything. In a sick twist of fate, this always attracts incredibly intense women.

    You don't sound too distant, as long as your boyfriend isn't unhappy anyway. Don't apply others style of relationship to yours, it sounds like they're still in that happy honeymoon phase anyway and have unrealistic expectations of eachother.
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    (Original post by Future African game vet)
    my younger sister and her boyfriend are literally never apart. He goes to uni- she dropped out, if hes busy she sulks and phones him about 3 times a day. When he's home from uni (ie every weekend and pretty much every other week) they dont leave one anthers side... dont particularly DO anything, just watch tv together. She dropped out of uni because it was too far away from him and she'd only see him in the hols. now she's applied to go on his course at his uni. so they're both chuffed... she now has no other friends and neither does he because they are all fed up of her blowing them off to be with him/ not having anything to talk about other than him.

    Not to be harsh.. but it makes me want to shake them. They have been together 2 years, they are both 18. Their relationship is just smothering... neither of them will ever let the other one have a moment to themselves, they are both paranoid about one another meeting someone better and regulalr argue about how "he put kisses on her fb" or"she texted my flatmate"

    lol, sorry rant over.... im going to get back in my box....


    Is she mad!?
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    (Original post by Spontogical)


    Is she mad!?
    oh dont get me started- my whole family are pissed about it haha
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    There's no set amount of time that you should see your significant other. My boyfriend and I don't live together and have our own lives, and make sure we have enough time to do work, but we see each other 2 evenings during the week and then one of us will stay at the other's place one night at the weekend. I still would ideally like to see him more (in first year we lived in the same block and saw each other every day during term time and I got used to that and still miss it sometimes) but it's just not possible really at the minute. I would drop other things from my spare time before I dropped seeing him because seeing him is what I enjoy doing most and I see him as my best friend as well as my boyfriend. We've said that we'd like to be together for a long time and would like to live together in the future at some point, but haven't made any concrete long term plans - we'll see what happens. I suppose compared to yours our relationship is pretty intense.

    I think when it comes to things like this, as long as your partner is happy to see you as often as you are to see them, then things will work out. You and your boyfriend are clearly happy with your arrangements for seeing each other, so that's all good. I personally wouldn't like to do things the same way that you do and I don't think my boyfriend would either, but every relationship is different.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was just wondering this, me and my boyfriend have been together 2 years, we see each other maybe once a week sometimes only every 2 weeks not because we cant see each other more but that we both have our own lives, he works im at uni he does football i have my own sports we have 2 different groups of friends etc etc. I have no intention of moving out of home till im 25 (and can afford to rent or buy ) he'll be 29 by then and its 5 years away but to me this seems the most normal objective approach, I want to do uni get a job for 2 years live on my own for a year then move in with him
    He is the same as me he's moving in with his friends for a few years so they can have a 'lads' pad.


    Yet one of his friends has been dating a girl he met for about 5 months, they see each other every single day stay over 5 times a week, theyve already started house hunting talking of getting married all in the space of a few weeks. Theyve been of travelling together and never seem to spend a day apart from one another.


    They ask why im so 'distant' with my boyfriend why dont I want to spend more time with him, do i not love him or somerthing Which is crap as I love him to bits I just dont feel the need to sacrifice my whole life for my boyfriend and him the same.


    So am i the wierd one are people really this intense in relationships?
    Your relationship sounds exactly like mine! Everyone always says that we have a ridiculously relaxed relationship cause we only really see each other once a week, but its only cause we go to different colleges and have other stuff to do. I don't see why it matters, we still talk most days and it works for us.


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    (Original post by Future African game vet)
    my younger sister and her boyfriend are literally never apart.
    I do wish some people would learn what this word means.
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    (Original post by AvocatDuDiable)
    I do wish some people would learn what this word means.
    I Wish some people wouldn't take everything that is written on this forum so Literally
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    Me and my last girlfriend had a pretty nice balance going. We were at the same uni, happened to meet at a society in second year. She was on a different course to me though. The fact that we were at the same uni made it a lot easier to see each other in the midst of coursework and exams. Initially, we were probably seeing each other 2-3 times a week. During the summer after finishing 2nd year, we took a short holiday together, first time we spent consecutive days together just the two of us. Then start of third year, we were in the same flat, sharing with a couple of other people. That was after 5 months into our relationship, which worked out nicely. Even then, we had our own hobbies and friends circle. About 3 evenings in a week we would spend together and other times were taken up by uni work, nites out with our friends or some sports activity. That was the best balance I've ever had. Some weekends we'd go away together or to either of our parent's places. All in all, we were both quite relaxed - we knew when we wanted to, and could, spend time together and we knew when each of us had their own thing to do.

    With my first girlfriend, don't get me started. She was a closed book that I could never read. Gave lame excuses, compulsive liar and just mean lol
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    (Original post by Future African game vet)
    I Wish some people wouldn't take everything that is written on this forum so Literally
    oooohhh! Burnnnnn! :headfire: lol
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    (Original post by superduper9)
    oooohhh! Burnnnnn! :headfire: lol
    he did sort of walk right into it
 
 
 
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