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    • Thread Starter

    here is my second story another and like toys it isn't quite finished and again please tell me what you think and give me any ideas so that I can continue it

    Deborah was a beautiful 32 year old white woman with long round finger nails, a streamline body shape and brown eyes, long blonde curly hair that came flowing all the way down and touching her shoulders, She had even white teeth which were on show every time that she opened her wide mouth with fairly full lips and a big rounded chin,

    The only peaces of jewellery that Deborah ever wore and never took off was her 3mm gold D shape wedding ring which sat upon her second finger in of her left hand, while upon the third finger in of her same hand was a 9 carat gold diamond bridal set ring, while upon the third finger in of her right hand was a 9 carat gold faceted band ring along with a 2mm 18 carat gold rolled edge ring that sat next to it upon the third finger

    Deborah wasn’t married nor was she engaged to be she just simply loved the idea of wearing the rings on her fingers because she thought that they looked fashionable and stylish with any of her clothes cause she often went for the smart but causal look,

    Her favourite clothing that she just loves to wear are tops such as T - shirts, Jersey tops and camisoles, most types of skirts like pull on, pleat and jersey elasticated gypsy skirts and trousers from leggings, jeans, crop tie leggings to stretch button crop trousers which she loved to team up with any bangles and earrings, the type of earrings that Deborah always wears was hoops

    While the footwear that Deborah loves wearing on her feet were mostly heels, pumps and boots, She wasn't one of those women that felt comfortable wearing footwear such as trainers or mules nor was she one of those who was fashion conscious that was only interested in her own appearance, like Deborah never worried about finding the right pair of shoes to wear with any of her clothes or finding which top that would look great to wear with what bottoms that she wanted to wear.

    She had quite a few friends and some of them were parents and had kids of their own, sometimes whenever they were busy and needed someone to look after them, but her friends often asked her first if she wanted to look after the kids for a few hours whenever Deborah said yes, she would look after different kids on different days

    But the times she had to look after any of the older ones, Deborah let them run about outside in the garden or let them play with her light blue cloth fabric patch work rag doll if they didn’t bring any of their own toys round to play with, Deborah had bought the doll for herself in a charity shop and it sat upon her small double bed with her brown sock monkey and Freddie who she often called Mr bear and he was her large, stuffed teddy bear with lovely golden fur she has had him ever since she was a girl and every time that Deborah picked him up and held him, he felt soft and cuddly

    Most of the time Deborah just loved having fun playing with the kids so that they didn’t always have to leave them playing on their own or if she didn’t want to play with them she just sit and watch the kids playing all sorts of different games, But the things that Deborah didn’t let any of the kids do and that was to go into her room bouncing on her bed like a trampoline as well as touching her stuff

    But one of the other things that Deborah didn’t allow them to do which only applied to the girls was playing dress up cause she didn’t want them rummaging through her wardrobe and jewellery box, trying on her clothes, slipping on her shoes, applying her make-up and wearing any of her jewellery because Deborah didn’t want to find any of her clothes all scrunched up and scattered everywhere after throwing them onto the floor or covered in stains cause the kids had used them to wipe their noses on, smudged make-up that they tried to wipe off their hands or faces and just to wipe their hands, nor did she want to find pairs of shoes missing or mixed up, leaving her Jewellery lying around on the floor where she could easily step on them and break them instead of being put back inside the box and leaving lids or tops off her make-up

    Now Deborah lived at number 25 which was a 3 bedroom, detached house with 1 bathroom, living room with double doors that lead onto the patio of the back garden that had grass, a path and a patio with a couple of chairs along with a table where she sometimes sat whenever she wanted to sit outside on lovely, sunny days either on her own or when her friends or family come over

    The garden also had a flower bed which gave it some colour, a shed, BBQ and a few gnomes which were scattered around: there was also a kitchen with a back door that also lead out into the garden, down stairs toilet, a back garden and an on suite shower room which was in Deborah’s room that also had a toilet and a sink

    Apart from her bedroom, the other bedroom which was at the back, Deborah used as an office which over looked the back garden, while the bedroom at the front was used as a guest bedroom for any visitors that Deborah had over, The guest bedroom was next to her room and it overlooked the front garden and the driveway where her pink ford fusion zetec sat

    Her house stood at the end of black swan crescent, The crescent that she lived in was on a council estate and it was full of different people most were families, some had kids aged 2 months – 3 years while others had older kids aged between 5 years – 12 years and the older ones were often heard playing outside the front or in their back gardens with their friends, brothers or sisters,

    It was a bright, sunny morning, the weather was perfect to be outside and enjoy the sunshine instead of being stuck inside, Deborah had decided to go for a walk in the park, as she walked along the path her hair bounced off her shoulders of her turquoise 24 ½ inch short sleeve jersey top with plain mock insert and decorative buttons and the bottom half of the top sat on her lower hip

    While her bottom half was covered by a pale pink 29 inch pull on jersey skirt with elasticated waist and godets to the hem creating a fluid style, her feet filled a pair of red starling patent stilettos which had 3 ½ inch heels and her 25 / 2c hoop earrings were swaying about, Suddenly Deborah spotted a strange soft, cuddly toy just lying up against a tree

    The toy was a light blue and white polka dot spider called Steve and he had 6 legs instead of 8 and he also had two hands at either side, Thinking that some child had lost or left him behind Deborah quickly went over, crouched down and picked Steve up where he sat and just looked at him for a moment, But as Deborah looked at him she didn’t know that he had supernatural powers

    Steve made her fall in love and wanted her to take him home with her and because he was a small toy Steve made Deborah put him into her yellow slouch bag with tussle detail which sat upon her right shoulder

    After she had popped Steve into her bag Deborah went over and stepped back onto the path then walked on,

    While she continued to make her way along the path her shoes made a clocking sound on the path Deborah was thinking about her friends coming round for a BBQ and some of the kids running around happily playing and having fun while some of the grownups were talking with one another or had gone inside the house to use the loo or just to change any of the younger ones along with the burgers, hot dogs and anything else that were cooking away, when all of a sudden the wind got up and Deborah was starting to feel a little bit cold, she begun shivering from the breeze, she felt most of it on her arms and legs

    Just by scanning this quickly my best advice is learn how to use punctuation, namely full stops. There was only one full stop in the entire piece; I don't think anyone will enjoy reading your work if you can't even form sentences properly.
    • Thread Starter

    sorry about that but grammer wasn't my strong point, can you please tell me how i can improve this story not just the grammer
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