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    I haven't felt like this about anyone in a long time. In fact I haven't had a relationship for years and there's still a bit of insecurity about my attractiveness from the girl who called me fat back in primary school. The closest I got was 2 years ago when I was talking to a girl frequently, fancied the pants off her but it wasn’t the same connection as…this.

    She is wonderful. Sweet, caring, intelligent, funny, wise, humble, sophisticated and cultured but not pretentious, ambitious, interesting, not afraid to go against the grain...and it hurts me when she says she's ugly because she is beautiful outside and in. Which is amazing because often people are only pretty on the outside.

    Perfect? No. Perfect is boring. She’s so much better than that. The things I took for flaws I now adore. She makes me so happy.

    Admittedly I was at first a little creeped out because she is very bubbly in an endearing and almost child-like way, but in many ways that's a perfect match for my reserved borderline reclusive dungeon-dweller character :P and I sense she already has the maturity to not take life or adulthood too seriously. We click. We can make the stupidest most god-awful jokes and puns and it’ll be hilarious because we’re together. We have a really unhealthy obsession with cute animal and baby videos now

    She's 18, 19 this summer and I'm 20. We've been seeing each other for about 6 months now, once or twice a week. We were friends for years before this but only through a book club and she just appeared out of the blue at my uni one day. She confessed a while back to regrets we didn’t keep closer touch back then.

    Over time things have grown more serious. We went out on a 'date' that wasn't really a date at Christmas but kind of was, film and dinner. Well I thought it was Now she texts me every day, she calls frequently even though it's hard for her at home, she made a Facebook just to stay in touch with me, the other day she introduced me to her younger brother, mum and friends.

    I think that somehow, despite trying to harden my heart for years, I'm in love. I can’t stop thinking about her. I desire her.
    And she's been more than suggestive of feeling the same way lately.

    Here's the problem:

    -I have a history of anxiety and mental health difficulties in all their shapes and forms, only last year going through a period of fairly severe depression and dealt with an eating disorder of sorts over the past few years too.

    -I'm Dyspraxic and this along with the MH difficulties makes me feel less physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually mature than I feel is expected for my age. In the playground I was called 'spaz', 'retard' and 'fatty' among other things and even though I know kids are immature it's stuck.

    -The stigma I get from people can be quite demeaning because earlier on I was a little too open about my illness, so my self-esteem's been shook by that and I feel like a big kid. I also half-believe the worries that one day I’m going to snap and do something terrible

    I am not a manly man. Lots of guys think I’m gay. I try to keep healthy, work out and that but I am not your stereotypical ‘alpha-male’. I’m more the bookish and artsy geek type without sounding too hipster :P

    Put all of this together and I expected to live my days Foreveralone out of necessity, as if I was incapable of holding down a relationship. So this is so so strange. She loves me? Me?!
    And to be honest I’ve told her all this, at least the MH and manhood side. She’s been incredibly supportive and not judgmental or condescending at all, something I love her all the more for.

    But also, which I haven’t yet told her

    -I'm a virgin. She’s probably more experienced than me.

    And for her
    -She has also had a history of some MH difficulties.
    I want to support her with it but don’t know how far I can because she refused therapy to the best of my knowledge. Although in all honesty she seems to have almost fully recovered, she’s so sociable and outgoing when she gets the chance. But I’m not her, she could be faking a smile for me. I wish I could help.

    -She's Indian, a Hindu and her family are orthodox followers of the caste system.
    I don’t want something as silly and backward as a culture divide to get in the way of this. But if I say 'I love you' and she is serious, I don’t know. Could I be getting introduced to her family, even possible expectations of marriage by her parents? I love her but I’m not ready for anything quite that serious and I don’t think she is either!
    But then this could be some stereotypical Bollywood dream scenario I’m imagining, hope I don’t sound prejudiced, I need more knowledge on that but would have to meet her parents to know their views .
    Someone please enlighten me

    -Among other things, one of the religious rules she follows is a waste not want policy to food, food is regarded as sacred. Considering we’ve both had eating disorders and I still don’t really like feeling compelled to eat this is tricky. I really don’t want to offend her...

    -She can barely ever leave her house. She has to come back most nights after uni, I'm talking home before dinner kind of thing. I think they have a lot of concerns for her safety as an attractive young woman. I think they're overbearing and patronising her and she's said as much but I respect her parents and know how much she respects them too, so keep quiet about it

    Anyway she seems eager. There are ‘three words you need to say now ’ according to her, I have to make the first move apparently. I almost did the other day minutes before her friends got to the party, but too late. Would have been so awkward for her.

    I think I’m in love-I really really really like her for sure, I am almost dreaming of her-and I haven’t even kissed her yet.

    I’m so scared. What if her three words are really ‘we’re breaking up?’ (we aren’t really even going out officially…) What if it falls apart in just a few months? Can I handle it? What if she sees me naked and that’s it, the magic’s gone? What if she sees I’m a mess and not ready and walks out to find a man, not a boy?

    I don’t know what to do and she’s waiting for an answer

    Sorry this is so long, I can’t articulate at the best of times, all these feelings and doubts
    Do I tell her? How do I tell her?
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    #1

    Sorry that that was so long

    P.S. I already have a plan to show her how beautiful she is. We like going to museums, galleries and places, so one day, maybe the same day I'm going to say 'Hey, come on. I've found something amazing and beautiful.' We'll go into a place, I'll ask her to close her eyes, take her hand and guide her through.
    Once at a good spot with a nice view, the top of a tower or something, I'll take out a mirror and ask her to open your eyes. 'Here's what I found. It's you.'


    I'm worried I'm too schmaltzy and not aggressive enough to keep her interested for long, but then 6 months hmmm
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    First of all, that is too cute! Do it, she will love it!

    You need to do what feels right I suffered with anxiety and depression for years until I met my current boyfriend, we've been together for 3 years now and its amazing, and it doesn't get in the way, it makes it better .
    At the end of the day, its up to you. Do what feels right, if its the right time to tell her you have true feelings for her then tell her, maybe you'll get an amazing reply or not. You need to be ready for it, and need to accept what goes with it. She will either say she isn't ready or that she loves you. Maybe talk to her, take her somewhere nice and tell her that you think your in love with her, see what happens If you truly believe that your relationship is ready for it, do it! My boyfriend told me he loved me after a month or so, 3 years later he's still making me love him!

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do, just do what feels right!
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    Strong WK, OP. Not gonna lie, reading that made me retch
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    (Original post by Sai4)
    Strong WK, OP. Not gonna lie, reading that made me retch
    Strong misc presence bro
    Already explained I'm not Alpha, whatever the hell that really is

    I'm not in it for the sex.


    (Original post by CharlieEmma)
    First of all, that is too cute! Do it, she will love it!

    You need to do what feels right I suffered with anxiety and depression for years until I met my current boyfriend, we've been together for 3 years now and its amazing, and it doesn't get in the way, it makes it better .
    At the end of the day, its up to you. Do what feels right, if its the right time to tell her you have true feelings for her then tell her, maybe you'll get an amazing reply or not. You need to be ready for it, and need to accept what goes with it. She will either say she isn't ready or that she loves you. Maybe talk to her, take her somewhere nice and tell her that you think your in love with her, see what happens If you truly believe that your relationship is ready for it, do it! My boyfriend told me he loved me after a month or so, 3 years later he's still making me love him!

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do, just do what feels right!
    Thank you I need to think about it. It's lovely to hear you two are still together
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Strong misc presence bro
    Already explained I'm not Alpha, whatever the hell that really is

    I'm not in it for the sex.
    "Alpha" is pretty much the polar opposite of whatever the phuk this is:

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry that that was so long

    P.S. I already have a plan to show her how beautiful she is. We like going to museums, galleries and places, so one day, maybe the same day I'm going to say 'Hey, come on. I've found something amazing and beautiful.' We'll go into a place, I'll ask her to close her eyes, take her hand and guide her through.
    Once at a good spot with a nice view, the top of a tower or something, I'll take out a mirror and ask her to open your eyes. 'Here's what I found. It's you.'
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    (Original post by Sai4)
    "Alpha" is pretty much the polar opposite of whatever the phuk this is:
    Suggest what the phuk I am supposed to be then. Tell me who I should be. I dare you.
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    If you have to ask then I guess the answer is no.
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    She doesn't think she's sexy. I think she's gorgeous. I am going to help boost her self-esteem. I am not some creep trying to get laid, we have been seeing each other as friends and more-than-friends for a while. I really like her. She really likes me. Problem?
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    Hmmm, this was my worry. But then how to break it to her. Especially as I started saying 'I like you' the other day...
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    No

    Reason = you are asking people on the internet

    IMO the statement has to come from the heart and be instinctive ... not planned
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Suggest what the phuk I am supposed to be then. Tell me who I should be. I dare you.
    Calm down bro

    Do whatever you want I obviously don't care, just saying you sound really naive
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    N'aw you're so sweet but there's no need to rush into things, let your feelings develop more and give her a chance to be sure of how she feels about you too, and then you'll know when the time is right to tell her how you feel


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    (Original post by Sai4)
    Calm down bro

    Do whatever you want I obviously don't care, just saying you sound really naive
    How am I being naive. I know what she's like. She wants a fairytale scenario and that's fine. It's quite fun. It's one of the things I love about her, that we can live in a little perfect fantasy when we're together rather than the complications of the real world which I usually inundate myself with daily.
    And yes I know there are complications with a serous relationship, but I don't think either of us are thinking that far ahead yet
    Stop trying to sound like a big man. Anyway 'neg white knights on sight crew' lol

    (Original post by TenOfThem)
    No

    Reason = you are asking people on the internet

    IMO the statement has to come from the heart and be instinctive ... not planned
    But what if I feel I've known instinctively for a while?

    (Original post by Delirium.)
    Hi OP, I really hope things turn out well. But since you are asking the internet for advice, please do not do this. There is being romantic and there is being cheesy. There may be a blurred line between the two, but IMO this falls squarely on the wrong side of the line. Things seem to still be early days in the relationship, do not go too overboard, just allow your relationship to develop naturally. All the best

    (Original post by neverfadeaway)
    N'aw you're so sweet but there's no need to rush into things, let your feelings develop more and give her a chance to be sure of how she feels about you too, and then you'll know when the time is right to tell her how you feel


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Thanks for the suggestions but I think she has rushed into things...it isn't really early days by the looks of it
    among other things

    the other day, Me: I like you. I really like you.
    Her: Is that it...?

    she starts to say something about how she feels then her friends come and it's all awk

    As for the cheesiness of the beautiful thing, I mean she has cried about feeling ugly before. That's painful. Maybe she's being a little attention-seeking of her but I still want to help. Maybe this is a bit on the OTT side but she can be cheesey herself :P
    And she has been a friend for a few years, even if we've only known each other more intimately for 8 months or so. Idk

    I also wanted people's thoughts on the fact we both have a fair few big problems to deal with and if I told most people about the MH thing I'd be dumped for being 'mental', do you see? The stigma's quite bad still tbh
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    Also need to edit that top bit: 'the clsoest I got was talking to a girl frequently'
    For the record I do not fap every time I get to say hello to a woman, I'm not that desperate or pathetic, I was friends with a fair few girls from 15 onwards and still at that time, had some chasing me, but this one I was close friends with and we really gelled.
    It didn't go anywhere because I went through my first MH crisis around the time I wanted to ask her out ha
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    But what if I feel I've known instinctively for a while?
    Then why haven't you said something
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    Thanks for the suggestions but I think she has rushed into things...it isn't really early days by the looks of it
    among other things

    the other day, Me: I like you. I really like you.
    Her: Is that it...?

    she starts to say something about how she feels then her friends come and it's all awk

    As for the cheesiness of the beautiful thing, I mean she has cried about feeling ugly before. That's painful. Maybe she's being a little attention-seeking of her but I still want to help. Maybe this is a bit on the OTT side but she can be cheesey herself :P
    And she has been a friend for a few years, even if we've only known each other more intimately for 8 months or so. Idk

    I also wanted people's thoughts on the fact we both have a fair few big problems to deal with and if I told most people about the MH thing I'd be dumped for being 'mental', do you see? The stigma's quite bad still tbh
    Honestly I think you have to do what you feel is right. If it's something that you've been feeling for a while, then maybe you are ready. The fact that you need to ask other people whether it's the right time could suggest you're still a bit unsure. There's nothing wrong with that though, you can explain to her that you really like her without actually saying you love her, and your relationship can progress from there (:
    Also, you said that she tries to tell you how she feels & gets interrupted.. Just try and hang out with her when her friends aren't there, there's no harm in asking how she feels!
    As for the MH thing, firstly, someone would have to be pretty pathetic to judge you based on that alone. Secondly, you say that you've both experienced similar problems? This could be something that you help each other with, as you're probably aware how she is feeling & the other way around.
    You've obviously known each other a long time, and it sounds like she likes you. Do what you feel is right, if you think it's the right time to say it, say it. Hope everything goes well


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    As for the cheesiness of the beautiful thing, I mean she has cried about feeling ugly before. That's painful. Maybe she's being a little attention-seeking of her but I still want to help. Maybe this is a bit on the OTT side but she can be cheesey herself :P
    Beauty is internal

    Looking in a mirror whilst you say "you are beautiful" is meaningless

    You can make her feel beautiful by the way that you treat her

    But that is not the way



    Edit : As you say, you know her better and if she is attention seeking and into the "fairytale" then this dramatic declaration may be spot on for her
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    I think your plans are a bit cheesy tbh and if someone did that to me early on I'd be a bit weirded out. Putting on a big show wont change her being insecure. You don't need all that stuff, why not just be honest and tell her how you feel and show her your appreciation in other ways?


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    (Original post by TenOfThem)
    Beauty is internal

    Looking in a mirror whilst you say "you are beautiful" is meaningless

    You can make her feel beautiful by the way that you treat her

    But that is not the way

    Edit : As you say, you know her better and if she is attention seeking and into the "fairytale" then this dramatic declaration may be spot on for her
    OK, fair point. I know beauty isn't all about the outside and should have stressed that more in 1st post. However I think it could pick up her self-esteem a little, and I'm not naive, I don't think that one trick and we live happily ever after :P
    Thanks for the advice.

    (Original post by x-pixie-x)
    I think your plans are a bit cheesy tbh and if someone did that to me early on I'd be a bit weirded out. Putting on a big show wont change her being insecure. You don't need all that stuff, why not just be honest and tell her how you feel and show her your appreciation in other ways?

    I already do. This is just another way I thought of maybe a bit too extreme! Oh well
    Is 6 months too early on in the relationship? We are close on an emotional level but haven't been intimate yet.
    Thanks anyway

    Posted from TSR Mobile

    (Original post by Emily115)
    Honestly I think you have to do what you feel is right. If it's something that you've been feeling for a while, then maybe you are ready. The fact that you need to ask other people whether it's the right time could suggest you're still a bit unsure. There's nothing wrong with that though, you can explain to her that you really like her without actually saying you love her, and your relationship can progress from there (:
    Also, you said that she tries to tell you how she feels & gets interrupted.. Just try and hang out with her when her friends aren't there, there's no harm in asking how she feels!
    As for the MH thing, firstly, someone would have to be pretty pathetic to judge you based on that alone. Secondly, you say that you've both experienced similar problems? This could be something that you help each other with, as you're probably aware how she is feeling & the other way around.
    You've obviously known each other a long time, and it sounds like she likes you. Do what you feel is right, if you think it's the right time to say it, say it. Hope everything goes well


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    She doesn't judge me over MH but you'd be surprised how many people would call it a day tthere. She's been so sweet about it all and we try and help each other the best we can.
    Thanks, I think I might tell her I really like her and let it go from there
 
 
 
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