Dealing with gf's mother Watch

Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 12 years ago
#1
Long story short, my gf's mother is a complete (add your own expletive here).
Every small thing that goes wrong with her daughters life she blames on me.. yet she misses all the big issues; she knows nothing about her daughter yet last night had the audacity to suggest I was making her unhappy, and has in essence tried to forbid us seeing each other... How the hell do you deal with someone like that? She misses out on all the important issues, yet will make her own daughters life a misery by forbidding her seeing her own bf. About the only option seems to be moving out but tis kinda drastic.. anyone have any suggestions?
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1013
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#2
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Does your girlfriedn think she's a problem too? Coz it's your gf who is going to have to talk to her, as I wouldn't have thought that her mum wold listen to you. Get your gf to explain that you do make her happy and that you are not to blame for any probs and that it's actually her mum who is making life difficult.
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Anonymous #1
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Her mother doesn't seem interested in listening to her at all.. and yes she does thinks she's a problem: her only real problem actually. Her mother seems too stubborn to acknowledge she's making her daughters life miserable, and its me that has to pick up the pieces.
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Navajo
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The mother wouldn't say something like that without reason, have you done anything to make her annoyed (no offence)
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Hmmm, tricky. Has your gf tried to sit down and explain that her mother is driving a wedge between them? Coz, ultimately, you and your gf could go off and have a happy life together and it would be her mum who's left without her daughter. Maybe your gf shoud explain that nothing her mum says will put her off you and that she can only succedd in messing up their own relationship.
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(Original post by Navajo)
The mother wouldn't say something like that without reason, have you done anything to make her annoyed (no offence)
I don't think that is necessarily true. People can be irrational, especially where their kids are concerned.
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Anonymous #1
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Every time she attempts a rational discussion her mother simples walks out of the room: she won't listen to reason.. and as we have the money getting an apartment wouldnt be a big deal, but I don't want to see what should be a happy relationship ruined.
I guess her mother just sees her as her little girl, and tries to control her, rather than as the independant beautiful young woman that I know.
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xavier2k3
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Then your girlfriend needs to stand up to her. How old are you both?

regards
--marty
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Anonymous #1
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17/18.
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xavier2k3
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Have you been with her a long time and also, has her mother never seemed to like you? You're girlfriend needs to tell her mom how she feels IMO, that's the only way things ever get resolved.

regards
--marty
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Aberdonian*Lass
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(Original post by Anonymous)
17/18.
My mum freaked out at me and mine to the extent that we were seeing each other secretly. As soon as I turned 18 she totally relaxed about it tho. She wanted us to wait till Id left school to be sleeping together (hence she doesnt know that we are) but as long as I dont rub the physical side of it in her face she's quite happy.

What really calmed her down was putting her on the phone to his mum!! (maybe you could try that?) It made her feel like she knew the other side and there was someone she could call if it went wrong (plus parents generally aren't as rude to/dismissive of other 'adults' ...not going into the 'but im an adult, im 18' argument!).
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1013
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Every time she attempts a rational discussion her mother simples walks out of the room: she won't listen to reason.. and as we have the money getting an apartment wouldnt be a big deal, but I don't want to see what should be a happy relationship ruined.
I guess her mother just sees her as her little girl, and tries to control her, rather than as the independant beautiful young woman that I know.
You seems like a really decent guy. You could be forgiven for trying to get you gf away from her mum but your are thinking of their relationship too, not just yours, which is commendable. However, if she won't even have a rational conversation then there is little you can do. Is your gf's mum still with her dad? Or is there another adult in the family that your gf could get to have a talk to her mum?
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Rock Fan
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Have it out with her, tell her that in no way do you intend to make her daughter's life a misery that all you want to do is make her happy and say if you can't accept it tell her she will lose her daughter if she still don't listen then maybe you two will have to get that apartment, but it will be hard at a young age.
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high priestess fnord
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dave is that you?? XD (jk)

sorry my bf would say the exact same thing. its kinda normal isnt it?
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SeanC
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(Original post by xavier2k3)
Have you been with her a long time and also, has her mother never seemed to like you? You're girlfriend needs to tell her mom how she feels IMO, that's the only way things ever get resolved.

regards
--marty
We've been together for a while, and recently got engaged... her mother has always been civil to me but thats about it.. sometimes she'll be really nice, and others ignore me completely/ give me snide looks.
I'v tried to get my gf to talk to her but its v v difficult.. her mother either yells or walks out.

"I'm in exactly the same situation as your girlfriend OP. (I was actually beginning to wonder if you were my own bf, lol, but i know you aren't)

It is difficult. I find it difficult talking to my mum, cause she tends to shout rather than talk, and gets all wound up about it. The reason my mum doesn't like my boyfriend is cause he isn't academically clever, and she feels he won't do much with his life, and doesn't want me to end up with someone like that, which, ok, is a fair enough opinion.

Have you ever been to your girlfriends house for tea, to actually meet the mum?"

I don't think my academics are the problem.. nor do I have any other 'bad' traits that I know of, though admittedly I can be somewhat arrogant at times, but most guys are so hardly a big deal.
Never been around for tea.. we've tended to eat alone either out, over my place, or in another room to her parents. I'v had a few long chats with them but nothing meaningful.. Her Dad is so much easier to talk to.

"My mum freaked out at me and mine to the extent that we were seeing each other secretly. As soon as I turned 18 she totally relaxed about it tho. She wanted us to wait till Id left school to be sleeping together (hence she doesnt know that we are) but as long as I dont rub the physical side of it in her face she's quite happy.

What really calmed her down was putting her on the phone to his mum!! (maybe you could try that?) It made her feel like she knew the other side and there was someone she could call if it went wrong (plus parents generally aren't as rude to/dismissive of other 'adults' ...not going into the 'but im an adult, im 18' argument!)."

Her mother gone beyond freaking out.. she's pretty much forbidden her from seeing me.. which obviously doesnt do much. I wish she would actually give me a reason for giving me the cold shoulder.. I can handle being disliked but refusing to tell me why is slighly rude.

"You seems like a really decent guy. You could be forgiven for trying to get you gf away from her mum but your are thinking of their relationship too, not just yours, which is commendable. However, if she won't even have a rational conversation then there is little you can do. Is your gf's mum still with her dad? Or is there another adult in the family that your gf could get to have a talk to her mum?"

Her Mum and Dad are still together yeah.. but he just blandly supports his wife without even considering how much it could hurt his daughter.. he has no backbone. Her uncle is probably the only person her Mum might listen to, but he's only around infrequently, and is liable to being dismissed as its 'none of his business'.

"Have it out with her, tell her that in no way do you intend to make her daughter's life a misery that all you want to do is make her happy and say if you can't accept it tell her she will lose her daughter if she still don't listen then maybe you two will have to get that apartment, but it will be hard at a young age."

Getting an apartment wouldn't be hard.. I have some inheritance money to cover the financial side, and we've seen a few places we like.

"dave is that you?? XD (jk)

sorry my bf would say the exact same thing. its kinda normal isnt it?"

I guess lol. Wish it wasn't.
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Anonymous #2
#16
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yes I do think she has a problem any mother who gets a letter from her daughter admitting she had been self-harming (i couldnt talk to her so i wrote her a two page letter about stuff i was going through in my head) and egnores it has a problem, she doesnt actually give a damn about me its all about how she looks in front of her friends she has no manners, its petty and childish - I turned the kettle on and put 3 cups with tea bags in by it to make everyone a cup of tea she came in made 2 cups for her and my dad and put my unused tea bag in the bin and put my cup away.
so talking to her is not an option

the "girlfriend"
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SeanC
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#17
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hey babe thanks for posting.. hopefully the fact I posted without anon won't cause you problems.. if it does my apologies. I love you sweetheart. if you need me tonight call me (on mob) as I'm out for a while visiting a few friends. apartantly we have a present from someone who heard about last night :P
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