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    we need to rethink love and commitment. You know 60 years ago was when we decided that men had to be monogamous too. Men were not monogamous. For all of recorded human history men had concubines and whores, and 60 years ago straight relationships began to become more egalitarian and it was less of a property transaction—a marriage had been a property transaction for most of recorded human history—and it became a union of two equals. And at that moment instead of deciding to allow women to have the same sort of freedom and leeway that men did we decided to let men have the same limitations, impose the same limitations what women had and we put monogamous sexual commitment at the heart of all relationships, all long-term commitments, all marriages and we have watched.

    We should now be able to recognize the consequences of that, which are a lot of short-term relationships, a lot of divorce. Because monogamy is ridiculous and people aren’t any good at it. We’re not wired for it. We didn’t evolve to be. It’s unnatural and it places a tremendous strain on our marriages and our long-term commitments to expect them to be effortlessly monogamous. Because what we said is "If you’re in love you shouldn’t... you won’t want to have sex with anybody else and what we need to tell people is that if you’re in love you can make a monogamous commitment and you will refrain from having sex with other people, but you will still desperately want to **** the **** out of other people." But people understand love means I don’t want to **** other people because of these misconceptions pumped into people’s heads about romance, love and what it means. And so they meet somebody else that they’re attracted to and they’re attracted to this other person. They go "Well, I must not be in love with my partner anymore otherwise I wouldn’t be attracted to this person." Or they feel threatened when their partners are attracted to other people because it makes them feel insecure and we just need to get passed that and we talk about monogamy the way we talk about virginity, that you’re monogamous until you **** somebody else and they’re you’re not. You’ve ruined it. You popped your monogamy hymen and destroyed your monogamous relationship.

    We need to talk about monogamy the way we talk about sobriety, which you can be monogamous and fall off the wagon and then sober back up. You can monogamous back up and get back on the wagon. And the truth of the matter is that if you’re with somebody for 40, 50 years and they only cheated on you a few times they were good at being monogamous, not bad at being monogamous. They were good at it. So I do think there needs to be some leeway. And a lot of really good loving relationships are destroyed because somebody wants a little variety or isn’t getting a need met and feels they have to step out and it explodes the relationship. I'm conservative. I think that we should do what we can to preserve marriages and long-term relationships, and one way to do that is to encourage people to have more realistic attitudes about sexual exclusivity.





    p.s

    this writing is not doing by me. Is from blog on internet.
    I try posting this video twice before but both time i got delete by moderation. so this time i am write the text, maybe moderation wont delete?
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    Just wondering, was this originally said by a man? (Just ties in with some psychology revision I'm doing so I'm curious)


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    (Original post by Orenjichan)
    Just wondering, was this originally said by a man? (Just ties in with some psychology revision I'm doing so I'm curious)


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    yes his name is being dan savage.

    i would posting link but moderators will delete me for spam.
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    (Original post by Mullah.S)
    yes his name is being dan savage.

    i would posting link but moderators will delete me for spam.
    Alright, so that makes sense... So do you agree with what he's saying?


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    I agree, monogamy is not natural and it certainly isn't the key to a happy and fulfilling life.
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    Whilst i agree that monogamy is not a natural state for a man i disagree with your assertion. Whilst its stupid to think that you will never be attracted to anybody else, it's rather that if you truly love a girl you will not act on that instinct and if you do then i'd view said person as mentally weak. I personally don't want a girl with several mates and so i'd rather keep the status-quo.
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    Of course, rationally monogamy is very strange. But then, society is not built around rationality and it will take ages for society to change enough for polygamy to become common.
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    Or we could just let people **** who they want and stay out of others' business, whether that be one person or several? :rolleyes:
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    It's not something that needs to be argued about, let people do as they wish.

    Edit: Just realised Mullah.S is back!
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    (Original post by Mullah.S)

    We need to talk about monogamy the way we talk about sobriety, which you can be monogamous and fall off the wagon and then sober back up. You can monogamous back up and get back on the wagon. And the truth of the matter is that if you’re with somebody for 40, 50 years and they only cheated on you a few times they were good at being monogamous, not bad at being monogamous. They were good at it. So I do think there needs to be some leeway. And a lot of really good loving relationships are destroyed because somebody wants a little variety or isn’t getting a need met and feels they have to step out and it explodes the relationship. I'm conservative. I think that we should do what we can to preserve marriages and long-term relationships, and one way to do that is to encourage people to have more realistic attitudes about sexual exclusivity.
    I think that last paragraph sounds like he's trying to justify something he did :sherlock:

    Aside from that, polygyny being 'logical' isn't a justification for cheating as in a society which prefers monogamy, you should honour that you're in an exclusive relationship otherwise it loses meaning etc etc. it's fine if you roll that way with casual sex or open relationships

    Plus, relating to my previous post (probably isn't face but a part of my psych studies), the fact that the spokesperson is a man highlights that evolutionary need for high reproductive success which is best achieved through multiple partners. A women on the other hand doesn't need that, if she has a child she already knows its hers and just wants a partner who provides (plus casual sex has more drawbacks for women). It might be far fetched but this might be why society drowns on cheating and monogamy seems the way to go.


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    (Original post by Orenjichan)
    I think that last paragraph sounds like he's trying to justify something he did :sherlock:

    Aside from that, polygyny being 'logical' isn't a justification for cheating as in a society which prefers monogamy, you should honour that you're in an exclusive relationship otherwise it loses meaning etc etc. it's fine if you roll that way with casual sex or open relationships

    Plus, relating to my previous post (probably isn't face but a part of my psych studies), the fact that the spokesperson is a man highlights that evolutionary need for high reproductive success which is best achieved through multiple partners. A women on the other hand doesn't need that, if she has a child she already knows its hers and just wants a partner who provides (plus casual sex has more drawbacks for women). It might be far fetched but this might be why society drowns on cheating and monogamy seems the way to go.


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    This man is homosexual


    Also, do explaining the reason for bold. this is key substance of you argument. I would like to hear you rationalisation for this assert. bold. this is key substance of you argument.
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    (Original post by PythianLegume)
    Of course, rationally monogamy is very strange. But then, society is not built around rationality and it will take ages for society to change enough for polygamy to become common.
    polygamy was common, infact in islam it is still. You are aloud to having up to four wife, as long as either you first wife is giving consent, or the court is ruling you consent.



    However problem is is only for man not woman. Also in past you are not even needing consent.
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    (Original post by Mullah.S)
    polygamy was common, infact in islam it is still. You are aloud to having up to four wife, as long as either you first wife is giving consent, or the court is ruling you consent.



    However problem is is only for man not woman. Also in past you are not even needing consent.
    Why are women not allowed four husbands then?
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    (Original post by Mullah.S)
    is before marriage is seeing as union of two equals
    So you're saying women and men aren't equal? Care to back that up?
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    (Original post by Mullah.S)
    No, i am saying:

    is before marriage is seeing as union of two equals
    Sorry I really don't understand your point.
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    (Original post by Tyrion_Lannister)
    Sorry I really don't understand your point.
    Ok then do not make comment. I will deleting the post now.
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    (Original post by Mullah.S)
    Ok then do not make comment. I will deleting the post now.
    LOL what? Just because you posted something gramatically incorrect and I asked for clarification, you're going to go facist dictator on my ass? Okay then.
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    another Mullah plagiarising something, nothing to see here go home
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    (Original post by Orenjichan)
    I think that last paragraph sounds like he's trying to justify something he did :sherlock:

    Aside from that, polygyny being 'logical' isn't a justification for cheating as in a society which prefers monogamy, you should honour that you're in an exclusive relationship otherwise it loses meaning etc etc. it's fine if you roll that way with casual sex or open relationships

    Plus, relating to my previous post (probably isn't face but a part of my psych studies), the fact that the spokesperson is a man highlights that evolutionary need for high reproductive success which is best achieved through multiple partners. A women on the other hand doesn't need that, if she has a child she already knows its hers and just wants a partner who provides (plus casual sex has more drawbacks for women). It might be far fetched but this might be why society drowns on cheating and monogamy seems the way to go.


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    No, but polygamy being logical is a justification for society to prefer polygamy
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    (Original post by Mullah.S)
    This man is homosexual


    Also, do explaining the reason for bold. this is key substance of you argument. I would like to hear you rationalisation for this assert. bold. this is key substance of you argument.
    As far as (western) society goes, it's morally wrong to cheat and I'd argue that that's what ruins the relationship rather than the 'innate need to be polygamous'. If you don't fancy the person anymore (it does happen, people change) break up with them or accept the responsibility you have and then you can sleep with whoever you want. (I know it's not that simple in real life). And relationships lose value in the sense that some men are ready to engage in short term dating and move on and it's becoming more and more acceptable. Overall however, that often leaves a heap of single struggling mothers which fend to bring up the next generation just because some men don't feel the need to commit and provide. I'm not saying that everyone is like that but the idea of polygyny being 'right' just makes all that acceptable but at what cost.


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