Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • Thread Starter

    I wrote this about a girl who cheats on their partner, who retaliates by cutting up all their clothes and running away.


    You killed it, dead. These seams are slit
    Like gossamer throats; they owed you what
    Could never be repaid.*
    Mirror blood-lit. A jacket's life-lights fade
    Into whirled buttons on the carpet-down.
    The window broken,
    shatters stain the town.

    Alarm-clock's steady ticks, quicken,
    Die as heartbeats did, today
    A skirt torn from her mother's grey
    Pulled out an orphan; charcoal smears
    Best case are frenzied-murder-tears;
    Worst case, her shaken blazon skin
    Is scattered with what came within
    And is now without. One night -
    Singular, brunette-like haze
    Of kisses, fire, her, rebel, craze
    Struggling to meet your gaze
    "I'll kill something, one of these days..."

    On that count, and the others,
    you were right.

    And in the corner lies a heap
    Of glitters dulled and magic past
    I yell, a whisper cuts me down.
    "i promise this will be the last"
    Wings soar past through pouring rain
    You've gone straight through the gaping pane

    That dress we bought in Faraway -
    When the breeze could steal a breath -
    And all of you was riversong -
    And when you smiled the thought of death*
    Was scorched through with the smile -
    So electric, beguile - alive

    But dead. Bye. The dress, it gasps
    Through silken, ruined lungs, it screams
    Hung through twisted wires, blue
    Has now been drawn and quartered too.

    Does it, now, still hold your scent?
    I dread to question my intent
    A roomful's blood the cost I've spent for the
    Answer - murmured, soft. "Repent."

    (This peace just seems so...violent.)

    I'd have to say wow, that was a lot better than I was expecting it to be from the summary. The rhythm and short punctuated descriptions were very effective.

    That was some honest to god impressive stuff.

    This is amazing - especially the last stanza. Everything just seemed to fit perfectly together.

    Well done :congrats:


    Posted from TSR Mobile
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 20, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brussels sprouts
    Useful resources

    Quick link:

    Unanswered creative corner threads

    Groups associated with this forum:

    View associated groups
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.