Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Possibly came on too strong, could backing off save this? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Anon please, due to other users who know me who I really don't want to know about this.

    Ok, so I came out of a very long term and serious relationship (8+ years) about two months ago. I was heartbroken but have proved to myself I'm strong and can handle this. So when a really nice guy I met through work asked me to go for a drink I decided to go along and see what happened.

    What happened was that I surprised myself by really liking him. I ended up sleeping with him and things were not awkward the next day. I had no regrets regardless of whether he called again.
    He did contact me again and invited me round to watch a movie a couple of days later. We got on really well, had a lovely evening and I ended up spending the night again.

    The next couple of days sees us still texting and flirting and I go round again. Another movie, another night of great sex.

    Throughout all of this he has been very respectful (he knows my situation) and no one has been taken advantage of. We've been very cuddly and affectionate.

    After the third meeting/date, he seems to have backed off a bit. The constant texting has reduced to maybe once a day and whilst he used to initiate the communications this has now shifted to me texting first.

    This has all happened very quickly (over the course of less than two weeks) and I think perhaps he feels like I've come on a bit strong and things have gone too fast.

    I really like him but because of my recent longterm relationship ending, I'm actually perfectly happy for this to be casual and 'go where it goes' if that makes sense?

    So I'm wondering if there's any way to salvage this? Somehow make it clear that I'm not going to get desperate or clingy, I just enjoy spending time with him and I like the fact that the sex is good! I don't want to make a big deal out of things by actively having a 'talk' about this because I think that would make it worse....but is there any coming back from this? Or has the damage been done?

    TL;DR - met a nice guy, things have gone a bit too fast and I'm worried he's lost interest and thinks I might be coming on too strong. Can I fix this?
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    You've mentioned him inviting you round but there is no mention of you initiating. On the contrary, I think it's possible that he thinks you're not interested. Text him and suggest doing something. He either likes you and this is reassurance for him that you're still interested, or he's lost interest and things fizzle. If you make a move, at least you know you tried.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks! I think I felt like there'd been a shift to me texting first all the time etc. but maybe I do need to make it clear that I'm interested in a 'gentle' way. He did text yesterday, just a general one about his day, but didn't reply when I text back. I might suggest going for a coffee or something and see what he says. If it's run it's course then fine but, like you said, I'll know I tried.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    First off, I'm a bit older, just so you know this isn't coming from the perspective of a teenager

    Trying to put myself in the guy's shoes, it could be to do with how quickly things are moving mixed alongside your past relationship.

    You've said he's aware of the situation, and 8+ years is a really long time, so it might just be that he's nervous to get close to someone so soon after such a long relationship.

    Frankly, if I was seeing/dating someone who had just come out of a relationship of that length and it was getting to the "cuddly/staying in watching movies phase" I'd be a bit nervous that I was either a replacement for your ex or, and potentially more likely, you were getting to attached to me too quickly.

    In my position, you could resolve this just by keeping it casual, try and do stuff "outside" rather than stay in and watch a movie, and maybe don't go back to his afterwards once or twice.

    I went through something similar recently with someone, and she just came on so strongly that it was just a bit weird to be honest, and then when I tried to end it (and we were just going for a few dates and stuff) she got incredibly intense. So also, if the guy still doesn't seem to be interested then chalk it up and move on, as much as it sucks, try not to be clingly as it won't impress him and a few months down the line you'll probably be embarrassed you acted like a big wuss hehe
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by NW86)
    ...
    Thank you. I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head with all of that! I ended up backing off a little with texting etc but then when I had a few messages from him last night I suggested going out to see a film and the response was positive! So I think you're right - it's a case of things initially getting too 'couply' too fast and just needing to take things back a step.

    I'd be wary of getting involved too quickly of someone with my potential baggage for all the reasons you said so I think the main thing is too keep things light for now and not get too caught up in things! What will be, will be and if that ends up being nothing then I'm fine with that!

    Thanks!
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 17, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brexit voters: Do you stand by your vote?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.